Some people have trouble sharing opinions.
A lot of the time, people can feel disrespected if their thoughts aren't given enough consideration.
But opinions are just that... opinions, suggestions really.
Nothing is set in stone.
And some opinions don't always go over well.
Redditor RollLongjumping3937 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for telling my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] that her opinion isn’t more important than mine?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"So, a bit of context, I (24 F[eamle]) am getting married in September."
"I love that month since it’s kinda between summer-fall-ish."
"Anyway, my fiancée (29 M[ale]) proposed to me last December, on my birthday."
"I’ve met his family countless times, my future M[other]-I[n]-L[aw], F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw], and S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]."
"They are all very cordial and friendly."
"Well, this mess started when I began organizing my wedding, which is very tedious but really exciting."
"We hired a wedding planner to see how we could mix our tastes and hobbies."
"He’s a bit of a data-computer nerd in coding, I call him my little hacker, and he LOVES the Matrix movie, which I still haven’t seen."
"Anyway, we wanted to add little quirks whenever we could."
"Maybe some comp numbers and some Matrix references are hidden in between our wedding invitations and decorations."
"I am a fan of Breaking Bad, a nerd when it comes to the Oscar race movies since I was little, and Ariana Grande (I know)."
"It’s been SO fun to see how we can mix it all together."
"Well, last week, I invited over my mom, my future MIL, SIL, and both of my sisters to our 3rd wedding planner meeting."
"They saw all we had done and found it cute. "
"I made sure that those little things were hidden well enough to not be seen quickly, but could be pointed out."
"My SIL out of nowhere says that we should cut it, that it’s too 'tacky.'"
"My fiancé explains that we had both discussed it and loved the idea."
"She doubles down and says we should be 'more classy.'”
"Girl, I looked at her and said that these clues were not only hidden but would only appear on our wedding invitations."
"She looked at me so crazily."
"Like, she couldn’t believe I said that."
"She said she was just looking out for me."
"She went on to say that we shouldn’t have chocolate cake; it should be strawberry."
"How my dress shouldn’t be princess cut since it’s too 80s."
"How should I dye my hair brunette because it fits my face?"
"At some point, it started sounding like orders."
"I looked at her and said, well… everything you just said I should change, I really like, so it’s staying. period."
"I think it would’ve been better if I had cursed her out."
"She didn’t speak again, but by the end of the meeting she pulled my partner aside and, according to him, demanded that I 'respected' her more and her opinions, since her dream has always been to plan a wedding and I would be her future sister, so I should not 'place her aside.'"
"What? I mean, maybe?"
"She’s like super offended right now, and my partner suggested that I should maybe apologize."
"At first I was like there’s NO WAY!"
"I will not, but I'm prone to act a little immature, and I wondered if I actually went too far."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I the A**hole?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"You handled it better than I would have."
"Her dream is just that, HER dream, not your responsibility or obligation."
"If anybody needs to apologize, it's her. NTA." ~ Paul-Kersey
"She gets to plan a wedding however she wants--when it's HER OWN wedding."
"And when she does, she can be classy AF and not wear a princess dress and make zero Matrix references."
"But the number one thing that matters when planning someone else's wedding is what they want for their wedding."
"She's a doofus." ~ StWiborada
"NTA, but your fiancé really should be the one to handle his sister."
"It’s his wedding too, and he is letting her sh*t all over it and disrespect you."
"ETA, thank you for the awards!" ~ fIumpf
"Exactly!"
"Your husband-to-be has the opportunity to start things off on the right foot by realizing that he should be the primary handler of difficult situations with HIS family, and you, OP, should be the one to handle them with yours."
"But first, you have to get onto the same page with each other."
"The message your fiancé needs to hear is that his sister will have her own wedding to plan, that this is YOUR wedding that the two of you are planning according to YOUR preferences and no one else's, and that you will not be interfering in her wedding plans when the time comes."
"The fiancé needs to let the sister know that she needs to take a step back and that SHE needs to find a way to be less critical and pushy with his wife-to-be, since YOU are the bride and he wants you to feel welcomed into the family."
"This should NOT be a competition, and if it were, the bride ranks higher than the sister of the groom, so she needs to settle down and find her place. NTA."
"I wouldn’t involve her in any further discussions about wedding plans."
"She has lost her perspective, and your husband-to-be will need to help her find it or at least stay out of the way."
"ETA: Thank you for the kind award, anonymous Redditor." ~ NeatNefariousness1
"Yes, but as long as he handles her by putting his fiancée first!! !"
"And telling the sister to back the hell off."
"That she can fulfill all her dreams when she plans her own wedding, but the wedding is about him and his fiancée, and so it’s their dreams and preferences that count."
"Bit concerned that his telling OP to apologize means he may be a bit of a pushover when it comes to the sister." ~ Duhallower
"Oh no, no, no. That is CREEPY."
"Sounds like she wants to marry her own brother, making YOU look like HER!"
"Fiancé needs to talk to his sister and stop her disrespectful behavior towards you."
"Shut her down, as she has no say in your wedding plans."
"Do not include her in any further planning sessions."
"Password-protect all venues and vendors. Discuss nothing with her."
"If she’s so keen on wedding planning, he can suggest sister plan her own because she’s not involved in planning yours!
"NTA." ~ MizPeachyKeen
"Um, my best friend had a fully Doctor Who themed wedding (there were life-sized cutouts of David Tennant, the cake had fondant figures of all The Doctor’s enemies, and the bridesmaids’ bouquets were built around sonic screwdrivers) and it was AWESOME."
"Unforgettable day and totally representative of the couple, as a wedding should be. NTA." ~ Cha_r_ley
"Well, when she gets married, she can plan her own wedding."
"Yours is already getting planned - by you and your fiancé, who really needs to tell his sister to step back. NTA." ~ Fourty2KnightsofNi
"NTA. Whose wedding is this, anyway?"
"Certainly not hers."
"Your response was perfect, and your partner should be telling her to apologize for making this about her."
"Also, you should watch The Matrix."
"10/10. Would recommend." ~ CynicalGirl_043
"NTA. It is not her place to make rude and disparaging comments about YOUR wedding."
"You have the right to do whatever you want on your special day (also, incorporating The Matrix sounds so fun!)."
"I'm disappointed to hear that your partner didn't back you up and is suggesting you apologize."
"I hope this isn't a regular thing with him because making a habit of choosing his relatives over you will only cause more problems in the future." ~ Dear_Comfort_4044
"Your fiancé needs to set boundaries and prioritize YOU."
"No apology for his sister."
"She needs to apologize to you and no more inviting her to any planning."
"If your fiancé won’t prioritize you and stand up for you, don’t marry him."
"You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of being scapegoated and disrespected." ~ Silent-Friendship860
"So she came in, sh*t all over your ideas and plans for YOUR OWN WEDDING, and then she got offended that you were offended by her atrocious behavior?!?"
"NTA, and if you apologize to her, she'll keep doing it for the rest of your married life." ~ txgrl308
OP came back with an Update...
"As we were having breakfast, I told him that it didn’t feel great how he told me I should apologize for setting boundaries on our wedding."
"He said he understood and his sister was definitely in the wrong, but that she’s too 'sensitive' and can take things very badly."
"He said he could talk to her if I didn’t want to, but I'll have the rest of my life dealing with her, so I just thought… I need to learn how to handle her this early... lol."
"So yes, I call her, and I begin by asking how she was."
"I kid you not, she immediately responded with 'I thought you called me to apologize.'”
"Girl, excuse me?"
"I fully said, 'Well, no. I’m calling to thank you for your suggestions, but I’m sticking with what I chose.”'
"Bruh. Hell. It was giving a temper tantrum."
"She said, 'I’m only trying to help, it’s like stopping a future car crash, you know?'
" 😐 I hung up."
"I told my fiancé, and he agreed that what she said was messed up."
"She began calling him non-stop, which I think is crazy, but he’s ignoring her."
"Her text messages to HIM are like 'What did she tell you?'”
"'Are you ignoring me?'”
“'She got the wrong idea.'”
“'I’m your sister. 😭😭.'"
Wow... that is a lot to process.
So sorry you have to deal with this while trying to plan your special day, OP.
Reddit is with you. It's your wedding, not hers.
You do you with all the fun Easter eggs you want to include. We're here for it!
Future sister-in-law might just opinion herself right out of an invitation.
