For parents, those couple years when their child is somewhere between ages 18 and 20 can be awkward.
On one hand, their child is legally an adult, armed with the freedom of choice that entails.
But the kid is just on the cusp, and parents may still have a tough time imagining their child is ready for all the consequences of all those choices.
One Redditor found himself at odds with his wife during this period. He posted about it on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA) subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Sloth-Monkey on the site, took to the internet before he acted, using the thread to wonder if he would be an a**hole.
“WIBTA for not letting my wife take our daughters door?”
OP led with some background.
“I am 47, my wife is 44, and our daughter is 19.”
“A bit of background. I caught our daughter having sex with her boyfriend a few days ago, and she begged me not to tell our wife, but I felt that she deserved to know.”
“We pay for our daughters college, because I worked 70 hours a week for many years to have enough money for her to go to college.”
Then came time to deliver the news.
“Anyways, I told my wife and she was livid. She yelled at our daughter for almost an hour, and took her phone away from her and banned her boyfriend from the house.”
“I told her she was being a bit too harsh, but she thinks that these punishments are not harsh enough.”
“She said that if our daughter does anything else that she doesn’t allow, then she is going to take the door off of her room.”
OP tried to pump the brakes.
“I told her that she is overreacting, and she yelled at me, too.”
“I had given our daughter her phone back when my wife went to the grocery store, and she found out and is angry about that, too.”
“She told my in-laws about this, and now they are blowing up my phone and telling me that I’m encouraging underage pregnancy and premarital sex.”
“So Reddit, WIBTA for not letting my wife take the door off of our daughters room?”
As a few early commentary came in, OP realized he needed to straighten a couple details out, so he added a few edits.
“EDIT: I have talked to my daughter and apologized for telling her mother what happened. I told her that if she would like to look into moving out, I would help her pay for an apartment for a few months until she can pay on her own. Thank you everyone.”
“EDIT 2: To address a few recurring comments, my wife and I didn’t have sex until a few days into our marriage, when we were 23 and 26. I want to say that I do NOT support my wife in this situation.”
And there was one clarification about the incident that began it all.
“EDIT 3: I want to clarify that I did not go into my daughters room, my daughter and her boyfriend were in the living room. My wife was not home, and I just came home from the store to find my daughter and her boyfriend…. going at it…. in the living room.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors assured OP that he wouldn’t be the a**hole if he refused to remove the door.
His wife’s approach, according to Redditors, was futile.
“Your daughter is 19. She just gonna fu** in the car. NTA.” — waterballoontits
“NTA it’s not underage pregnancy if she’s 19, she’s grown enough to be sexual and be entitled to her privacy. Taking her door away isn’t a suitable punishment and honestly she shouldn’t be punished for having sex anyway.”
“This is 2022 not the 1950’s, your wife and her family need to understand that healthy sexual expression is fine, what’s needed is good (non judgmental) sex education, discussions about birth control and consent.” — CrystalQueen3000
“Your daughter is 19. She’s going to have sex. I don’t know what else to tell you. You both are not treating your daughter like an adult. I get it, she’s your kid, she lives at home, but she is an adult.”
“You are both setting her up to continue trying to hide things from you. Eventually, she will move out and probably not want to talk to you guys anymore- I know I wouldn’t.”
“ESH but the daughter- mainly your wife, but you need to have a sit down with your wife and talk about how she needs to start loosening the reigns.”
“There’s no underage sex happening here. She needs to start practicing making her own decisions and you both should learn how to be safe spaces for her or be prepared to lose her.” — Thirsty-Boiii
A few focused on the privacy issues and his daughter’s age.
“NTA. Your daughter is 19 and she deserves privacy. It’s one thing to ask your daughter to please refrain from having sex in your house, it’s a whole different thing to take her door.” — FirmlyThatGuy
“ESH except your daughter. Why does anyone deserve to know that another adult is having sex? It was never your business nor your wife’s. Your wife is crazy, but I think you already knew this and started a problem where there didn’t need to be one.”
“Trying to get your wife to back off to a lesser punishment doesn’t really change that. The issue here isn’t that your wife’s punishment is too extreme, it’s the insane idea that a 19 year old needs any punishment at all.”
“If you two keep this crap up, your ADULT daughters will surely move out and cut you both from her life.” — Maskydoo
“NTA for the door thing, but YTA for telling your wife to begin with. Your daughter is 19, an adult.” — geogrokat
“Gross, this obsession what’s going on between your daughters legs. Her body her choice. Not yours, not your wifes.” — Most_Acanthisitta467
So although OP can’t undo what’s already happened, he has plenty of support for his opposition to removing the bedroom door.