Even when it is amicable, a divorce is always a very difficult and emotional process.
Particularly when there are children involved.
But after the worst of it is over, ex-spouses can hopefully remain on cordial terms, and can happily co-parent their children.
The sister of Redditor BadNiobi seemed to be on very good terms with her ex-husband, with whom she had two children.
But after the original poster (OP) saw a comment their sister made on social media which they construed to be an unfair dig at her ex-husband, they felt they had no choice but to call her out.
Leaving their sister furious.
Worried they acted out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my sister she’s a divorced mom?”
The OP shared how all things considered, their sister and her ex-husband remained on good terms and had a fairly good co-parenting arrangement, making it difficult for them to contain themselves when they saw their sister write what they felt was an insensitive post on social media.
“A bit of background:”
“My sister has been divorced from her ex-husband for the last three years and they have two children.”
“They have joint legal custody and nearly equal parenting time.”
“He has two days a month more than she does because of her work schedule.”
“He makes a lot more than she does and even though he has more parenting time he pays her child support, covers their children’s insurance, and pays for their private school.”
“From what my sister has told me, financially, the divorce was to her.”
“They actually get along very well for ex’s and he’s been great with our family.”
“We always get invites to things like birthday parties and such.”
“I’m sure someone will ask, the reason they got divorced, according to my sister, is my sister wasn’t happy and wanted out.”
“Nobody has accused the other of anything bad, but my sister is a handful.”
“She started dating as soon as they separated and it took him a lot longer, but I don’t think there was any sort of affair or partner in waiting.”
“Back on Father’s day, a mutual friend made a charming post about her late ex husband, what a great dad he was, and how her kids miss him.”
“I made a nice comment, and scrolled on.”
“Later another friend made a sh*t post about mom’s having to do everything due to absent dads.”
“I don’t know who the person was with the first comment, but there was several who joined in, including my sister.”
“I normally just scroll on in these sorts of situations.”
“But my sister said something to the effect of her being a ‘single mom’ and joined in on the crapping on dads fest.”
“It pissed me off, so I replied to her that she was completely tone def and she needed to delete her comments.”
“True to her norm, instead of saying whoops and deleting her comment, she fired back.”
“So I told her that she’s not a ‘single mom’, she’s a ‘divorced mom’, with an ex husband who’s very involved, has the kids more than she does, and pays for everything.”
“Not long after, the OP deleted the whole sh*t show.”
“I let it go, but come to find out, my sister is mad at me.”
“It get it if her claim was I ‘don’t know the real situation’ and her ex is really some sort of monster, but she’s just mad that I called her out on Facebook and ‘diminished her’ by saying she wasn’t a single mom.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, most agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for calling their sister out on social media.
Many felt that the OP calling their sister a “divorced mom” was just stating facts, and agreed that her comments were tone deaf and insensitive since her ex-husband seemed to be a very present and loving father.
“Ok, I’m going to say NTA on this.”
“But, personally, I agree with you and it annoys me, as well.”
“Technically, your sister is single, relationship wise, and a parent, so there is that argument.”
“But when people traditionally think of a single mom, or dad, they think of someone parenting on their own, with no help.”
“If you have an active EX, you aren’t alone.”
“In fact, you get even more breaks than married moms.”
“True you are on 24/7 when you have the kids, but you get entire weekends off or even the whole week.”
“Married parents don’t get that.”- DogRescueLady
“It might have been better handled in private, but sometimes people need to be questioned and held accountable for what they are saying publicly.”
“From everything you mentioned it seems like her ex is a caring parent, and she should not be telling others differently if it is not true.”- Luptaloop1990
“Your sister sounds like my ex-SIL.”
“She walked on a marriage/kid because, and this is in court docs, she ‘didn’t feel like being married with a kid anymore’.”
“She’s been a drama queen and liar ever since the divorce.”
“Good for you for putting in her place.”
“That’s your niece/nephew’s Dad she’s, apparently, lying about for pity points on social media.”
“To hell with her.”- PaganBlue672
“F*ck your sister.”
“She sounds like she is incredibly needy for attention and as a result should be paid none.”-DaFallus
“Good for you.”- privacyishard
Others however who still agreed that the OP’s sister’s post was unfair, it was inappropriate for the OP to call their sister out on social media, and maybe shouldn’t have brought themselves in on an issue that. wasn’t really their business.
“Before I get into judgement, two precursors, real quick:”
“You need to be aware that child support is unrelated to custody, for the most part, obviously if a parent doesn’t have any custody time and only visitation then that can affect it, ect.”
“Child support exists to make sure the child has a relatively equal standard of living at both homes.”
“If you’re not getting the logic behind that inherently, think of an extreme situation.”
“Parents have equal custody, low-earning parent makes enough to meet everyone’s needs but no extras, high-earning parent can shower the kid in gifts, expensive clothing, trips to Disneyworld, ect.”
“This is the type of situation where the high-earning parent is likely going to alienate the child from the lower-earning parent without even meaning to, because obviously a child is going to prefer living in the home where they get anything they want.”
“Assuming both parents are otherwise generally good parents, obviously kids react differently if they’re only getting stuff but no love and attention in one household.”
“TBH, the two quoted bits here make me suspect that you might think lowly of your sister for choosing to divorce?”
“And might be coloring your view of the situation, regardless of the truth of your sister’s parenting situation.”
“While I get where you’re coming from thinking the ex is an involved parent getting sh*t on, you aren’t in their coparenting relationship and shouldn’t push yourself into it.”
“She’s right that you don’t know exactly what is going on.”
“Maybe your sister is wrong, but maybe her ex is dropping the ball in ways you aren’t aware of.”
“Maybe her rant was completely wrong, maybe it was completely right, and maybe it was a bit of hyperbole but based in truth, etc., you don’t know.”
“Custody time isn’t the full story, neither is the full story the fact your sister gets child support.”
“Her ex could absolutely be physically having custody of the kids half the time and still failing to do his part as a parent.”
“Parenting is more than just physically being with the children, and more than paying for the children’s stuff.”
“Yes, having child support and not 100% custody puts her in a different situation than women who have completely deadbeats who avoid child support and don’t see their kids, but there can be other, unique problems that come with your kids being in the physical custody of a bad, but not bad enough to use to bring them back to court, presumably, parent half the time, if that’s the case.”
“So tbh I’m not sure how I want to judge this.”
“I kind of want to say ‘INFO’ as a final judgement, in that it’s impossible to know if your sister was an asshole in this situation because it entirely depends on if she was spinning lies or if there’s something more going on, and you are literally in a position where it’s impossible to know that so you aren’t able to tell us that.”
“I think you should have kept your nose out either way, though.”- Kittenn1412
Calling someone out on social media, or in public for that matter, almost never ends well.
But from the sounds of it, it does seem as if the OP’s sister was not being fair to her ex-husband, who seems to be a devoted parent.
One imagines that had the OP brought this issue up with their sister on the phone or over coffee, the lesson might have sunk in a bit better.
Here’s hoping this hasn’t put a permanent strain on their relationship.