There are all kinds of horror stories about ridiculous roommates, from one roommate refusing to clean to another roommate never respecting anyone else's boundaries or house rules.
But even the best of roommates can have a misunderstanding about what they think the house rules should be, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
When he thought that his roommate was going to be gone for an entire week, Redditor Open-Drummer-574 was more relaxed about wearing clothes at home, like walking into the kitchen naked to check on a cake he'd put in the oven to bake while he was taking a shower.
But when his roommate came home early and was furious that he was naked in a common area of the home, the Original Poster (OP) realized there was a conversation they clearly needed to have about boundaries.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for roaming around naked in my house?"
The OP's roommate recently planned to go on a week-long trip to visit his family.
"My roommate (20 Male) and I (20 Male) have been sharing a home for the last two months."
"Three days ago, he told me that he was leaving to see his family and would be back in a week."
"I was supposed to have the whole house to myself for a week."
But then something embarrassing happened.
"Today, I walked out of the shower to the kitchen, still naked, to check on the cake I was baking."
"My roommate suddenly barged in while I was in the kitchen with my d**k out."
The OP wasn't sure how to move forward with his roommate.
"Things have gotten very awkward between us since then."
"He is saying I shouldn't roam around the house naked."
"I am saying that he should have told me that he was coming earlier."
"Who's at fault here?"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some felt the OP's roommate should have warned him that he was coming back early.
"NTA... You are free to walk naked in your home if you're alone, plus you didn't know your roommate was coming home early."
"Either way, from my experience with having lived with roommates, at one point or another, you end up seeing each other naked anyway. It just happens sometimes." - Gore0126
"NTA. Your roommate should have advised you that he was home early. It is completely normal to want to roam around in the buff when you have privacy and believe that you are alone. Bro is either super uncomfortable with his sexuality or size…" - starsatnightlight
"I learned long ago you just can't hang out with your wang out when sharing a dwelling with anyone. I know its tempting to get all Risky Business when the housemates are away but you never know when plans will change." - Forward-Procedure-15
"NTA, he should have let you know he was coming home earlier. Had he done that, you would have been covered. His fault, not yours!" - Adorable_Pop_56665
"NTA. Your roommate came home early and saw your pebbles and dang-a-lang, which was just an unfortunate timing issue."
"Although a little consideration on his part to warn you of changed plans probably would be nice but isn't expected. I mean, what if you had someone special over? Or were engaging in sexy time?"
"You were given a date he was supposed to return, and I imagine naked wandering in shared spaces of the apartment aren't expected or welcome. I mean, his family could've been with him and then they could have seen a whole lot more than they were prepared for."
"Still not enough of an issue to get bent out of shape for, I would say, but other people are weird about nudity." - BiFocalMango44
"NTA. My roommate and I have a 'pants agreement' where we message each other when we're about 20 minutes from home so the other one knows to get pants on before they return." - greensandgrains
Others felt roommates shouldn't be naked in communal spaces, period.
"Dude, if you share a house with somebody, you should never be walking around with your Johnson flopping about... I don't care if they're home or not..."
"That's kind of like a duh... Like, even if you just got out of the shower and it was clean, still bro... I would kick your a** out of the house for that, like as soon as possible. Because no matter what I said after that point, I would be seeing your BUSINESS rubbing up against everything in my mind. (Shudders)"
"Like, all I'd be thinking about is your penis from then on. I'd have to ask you to find a new place. Sorry, but that's the truth..." - MisterETrellis
"You should just apologize and say, 'Indeed, you are right.'"
"No, he does not have to tell you when he comes back to his home."
"And by all means, run around naked in the house when he is not there. But it is not his fault when he comes home while you are doing it. So if it's awkward, that's on you. That's why I think you should apologize superficially and tell him he is right." - 100IdealIdeas
"YTA. It's a shared space, and it doesn't matter if someone is in the house or not. If you are having a roommate, you should treat shared spaces as public spaces."
"If you wanna be nude in your home, don't have roommates, or have a discussion with them before doing it."
"It's appalling that you think it's normal to be nude in shared spaces of the house." - ImaginaryScallion371
"If you lived in shared lodgings of any kind, just put something on before entering shared spaces. Being alone (temporarily) and living alone are not the same thing." - hadMcDofordinner
"YTA."
"You left a cake unattended in the oven while showering? Bad."
"You engaged in the preparation of food while naked? Bad."
"You had your bits and bobs waving about around hot cooking/baking elements? Bad."
"What have you been doing other than 'roaming'? Sitting on the shared couch naked?" - Cent1234
Some felt that both men were making too big of a deal out of the embarrassing moment.
"NTA. Why does he give a f**k about your d++k when there's a cake about to be ready?" - unselectedcases
"Almost the same thing happened to me in college… I came back to my buck-naked roommate microwaving a hot pocket. We gave him s**t, he gave us s**t, we all laughed, and we remembered we were young bros and s**t happens." - CruisinJo214
"NTA. Your roommate is making a big deal out of nothing. Seeing someone else naked may be surprising but to be upset/traumatized over seeing another human body is absurd."
"You were understandably home alone, and therefore have zero reason to be sorry for anything since you thought you had privacy." - scuffed_radio
"It was an awkward moment, but you did think you were going to be alone all week so you were living it up."
"If I walked into my roommate doing this, we'd definitely have to laugh about it later over a drink or something. Maybe it wouldn't be funny in the moment but it definitely would be funny later." - Organic-Ad-8457
"Grow up, you're both guys and you live together. ESH, because you're both being very immature about nudity." - JJBHNL
"NAH. You were reasonably naked because you thought he wouldn't be home. He reasonably can return home early and doesn't like seeing you naked in the kitchen. There isn't really a bad guy or fault to dole out here." - EldritchAnimation
"NAH."
"It's your house and you expected that you'd have complete privacy for a week, so it's not unreasonable for you to walk around as such (as long as you are still respecting the common surfaces and your roommate's belongings and cleaning up behind yourself)."
"At the same time, it's also your roommate's house and he can come back from a trip early if he desires or is forced to do so, with or without notice. It's a courtesy thing but it's not necessarily required. He saw what he saw, and that's the risk one takes when coming home unannounced."
"I don't think either of you is wrong, just an awkward situation, like walking in on someone in the bathroom that wasn't locked so you presume it was unoccupied. Just move on with your lives."
"Something like, 'Sorry you had to see that, roomie. Could you give me a bit of warning next time you're coming home early so I can be decent when you arrive so this doesn't happen again?' is all that needs to be said." - SnowyBug
But a few were more concerned about the OP's safety than his etiquette.
"NTA. A word of advice, though: hot surfaces and loose genitals can lead to unfortunate burns. Wear an apron for genital safety around cooktops, ovens, stoves, fireplaces, and while ironing your clothes." - Hairy_Rambutan
"YTA for going near a hot surface naked... just saying."
"But otherwise, NAH. He was supposed to be out. You are not at fault for being naked when thinking you were alone. He is not at fault for coming back earlier than expected either. Plans change, and things happen."
"It's just a funny situation." - Ambroisie_Cy
"NTA and sorry it was an awkward moment. But as a mom with kids the same age as you, can I just say PLEASE be careful dangling your bare man parts anywhere near a hot oven or stovetop? That can go BAD bad, son, and is no fun to explain in the ER." - Missusive
The subReddit could understand that this was an embarrassing and even awkward moment, but assuming these two roommates were good friends, it was nothing a solid friendship couldn't withstand.
It sounded like they just needed to have a conversation about boundaries in the shared spaces of the home and perhaps a recap on safety precautions.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.