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Stay-At-Home Mom Flips Out After Husband Tries To Micromanage Her Parenting Via Nursery Cam

A woman holds a baby
Image taken by Mayte Torres/GettyImages

Parents of young children seem to always never get enough of what they need the most, sleep.

The eternal struggle of trying to match with a child’s sleep schedule can be maddening.

That’s why a lot of parents may not always take well when getting comments on the way they are handling it.

Case in point…

Redditor Sad_Abbreviations216 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for calling every morning?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My son is a 20 month old toddler, my wife is a stay-at-home mom.”

“I work six days a week and I’m usually gone for twelve hours a day.”

“I always check in on my son remotely via our nursery cam app and he’s always awake in the mornings around 8:00.”

“He has a great sleep routine.”

“Our ‘wind down’ time starts at the same time every evening, we clean up toys, read a book, when I lay him down he’s still awake, he falls asleep on his own and sleeps all night for at least twelve hours.”

“It’s usually after 9:00 before I have a chance to check the camera.”

“This morning when I checked it was 9:12 and some mornings are closer to 10:00.”

“Every time I look though, he’s awake in the dark and standing in his crib just waiting.”

“When I see this, I immediately turn on the brightest night light the camera has and speak to him through the camera app.”

“I always tell him good morning and I love him and he usually laughs and says ‘Dada.'”

“Then I leave the app and call my wife to wake her up.”

“I usually have to call three to four times and when she finally answers, it’s obvious that she just woke up and only because I called.”

“I tell her that our son is awake waiting for her and that she needs to get up to start their day.”

“This morning while on the phone, I asked her if she was going to get him after using the bathroom and she said no, she was going to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast and THEN she’d get him.”

“I asked her to get him after the bathroom so he could go to the kitchen with her and she flipped out.”

“She told me it pisses her off that I call EVERY morning to tell her how to be a mom and that she has a routine.”

“I retorted with ‘Well, your routine sucks because he’s been awake for an hour and you’d still be asleep if I hadn’t called.'”

“It just bothers me that he has to wait so long.”

“He needs a diaper change, he’s probably thirsty, hungry and just wants to play.”

“Am I wrong though? Do I need to stop?”

“Please be completely honest with your answers. Thanks!”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“YTA. I cannot imagine being a micromanaged mom like that, remotely. Wow.”

“Is your son crying? No?”

“Then he’s fine.”

“If he’s uncomfortable, he will call for his mom.”  ~ WinterBourne25

“Wow, I have the same conditions as OPs wife.”

“Knowing this now, I gotta tell you he sounds like everyone in my life that told me I was lazy, selfish, and pathetic because they refused to understand that I couldn’t sleep.”

“And the side effects of sleep deprivation were overwhelming.”

“When you have narcolepsy, you get half as much sleep as you put in, and that’s on a good night.”

“Naps don’t help (they are not long enough), but you can’t avoid them because you feel like you will literally pass out standing up if you don’t lay down.”

“OP knows his wife has this serious condition and can’t or won’t empathize? YTA OP.”

“Your wife has an invisible disability that I can guarantee she has been harassed for before, given that she married a person as heartless as you.”

“And, if she’s on Adderall, she needs to eat first before she takes it to feel alert but also take care of her nutrition (Adderall is an appetite suppressant, it’s best to eat before taking it).”  ~ redfreebluehope

“YTA. Firstly, let’s start with the fact that your kid is now into toddler range as opposed to infant.”

“Your kid can manage a few moments alone in their crib and will still cry if they need any worthwhile attention.”

“Secondly, let’s say she took the toddler with her while preparing the food.”

“Your kid is now in learning escape methods, getting into crap, cause mischief stage.”

“Let her get the food ready first.”

“Thirdly, best intentions aside if my my husband was micromanaging my mothering,”

“I’d blow a gasket from stress alone.”

“Mom’s need what sanity remains to us, especially before entertaining a toddler for hours.”

“Fourthly, there was 0 indication of why you thought your son was up for ‘an hour’ – which makes me think it wasn’t necessarily true so much as you just wanted to add spice to the insult you slung at your wife.”

“You chose her to be the mother of your child, now let her do her job in peace.”  ~ oxPsychoticHottie

“Similar situation at my home.”

“Only I have two young kids who wake up all night long.”

“I stay up late because I work from home, and wake up with them in the mornings.”

“My husband is out of the house from 5am to 6:30pm every day, and I still would not leave my kids in their beds waiting for that long.”

“Maybe 20ish minutes if they are not crying, while I use the bathroom and change.”

“1-2 hours in the dark every morning may be normal for child but honestly, it’s just cruel.”

“I don’t know what OP’s wife is doing that keeps her up late and she can’t wake up.”

“But she needs to get it together. If it’s a health issue, find a doctor.”

“OP is NTA for making sure his child is taken care of.”  ~ musicgirlbr

“Lol have you ever seen a kid especially that young that wakes up every day the same time like clock work?”

“My 15 month old is awake sometime between 6-8 with 5 or 9 as exceptions.”

“When he needs me he’ll cry.”

“If he’s wet or dirty he’ll cry.”

“If he’s content and playing with his toy bunny I’ll happily let him so I can have at Least half a breakfast in peace. OP. YTA.” ~ M0ONL1GHT87

“The fact that the child sits quietly for some time in the morning?”

“Not a huge deal.”

“The fact that you call your wife and tell her it is not okay to leave your toddler who is content and safe in his crib while she makes him breakfast, and instead demand that she get him out of his crib so that she can juggle a toddler while also cooking? YTA.”

“When you’re caring for the child, your morning routine will be your choice.”

“Your child was not crying and sitting quietly in his crib while his mother was making him breakfast and you’re micromanaging the situation? Come on.” ~ mc2banks3352

“YTA. If you want to raise your kid, stay home and raise him rather than spying on him and policing his Mother from afar.”  ~ _END_OF_MESSAGE_

“YTA. If the kid is sitting in his crib quietly then all is good.”

“In fact, alone time like that is good for babies (not sure why, but I remember a doctor telling us that).”  ~ msdu5276769

“NTA. I’m a mom. And I’d be leaving my partner over this.”

“I’d worry over my partners ability to emotionally take care of my child.”

“At some point the child stops crying, because they don’t get any attention.”

“And that is a sad, sad place to be.”

“It’s the first 3 years that build a child’s base personality.”  ~ ildhjerte

“YTA. Waking a mother up because her child happens to be awake? Dear God.”

“Perhaps you should put motion sensors in the child’s room, so that if he wakes up at 4am, an alarm can go off that blares until you go in there to entertain him?”  ~ REDDIT

“YTA. Your child is not crying or fussing, just hanging out in their crib.”

“Unless you are willing to stay home, you have no business telling your wife what you think she should be doing.”

“You’re creating an issue when there is none other than your need to control her.” ~ RadientCrone

OP came back with a few more deets…

“I was banned from commenting within the first hour because I violated a rule in a comment and that’s why I wasn’t responding to anyone.”

“I’m a fairly new Reddit user in terms of posting – I normally read a lot and that’s all – and because of this, I had no clue that a temporary comment ban didn’t affect my ability to edit the post.”

“I would have edited the post much sooner had I known I was able to regardless of the comment ban.”

“There are so many things that need to be addressed about this post and the most important one is about my wife.”

“I love her more than anyone on Reddit thinks I do.”

“She is an amazing woman and a wonderful mother.”

“I absolutely DO NOT think she is an incompetent parent nor do I think she neglects my son.”

“None of the information I provided was ever supposed to convey that negative message about her.”

“My whole issue was: ‘He’s awake, he’s been awake, why are you still asleep?'”

“That’s all, and she agreed she stays up too late plus has alarms set now.”

“I showed my wife how this post EXPLODED and she COULD NOT believe the kind of attention it got.”

“She is very much in love with me and does not agree that I am controlling nor does she believe that I am micromanaging her daily life.”

“Also, because so many people believe that I intentionally left out the medical issues she has, I’ll list them here…”

” – postpartum depression…”

” – low vitamin B-12…”

” – chronic fatigue…”

“Now, let me explain why I didn’t list them originally.”

“Her low vitamin B-12 is not a deficiency, her level is just lower than what is considered ‘best’ for her age; this is according to recent bloodwork that I recommended.”

“The results state that any number between 100 pg/mL and 914 pg/mL is ‘within normal range,’ and her level is 253 pg/mL.”

“The doctor suggested sublingual B-12 1000mcg daily to raise the level a little, but stated that apart from that, she could not find a reason for the chronic fatigue.”

“Because of these results, and especially after purchasing the supplements, in my mind, the B-12 is not a problem.”

“Also, the bloodwork confirmed that everything else was normal.”

“The postpartum depression is actively being monitored and treated by a professional.”

“My wife literally goes to a psychiatrist, or psychologist (I can’t remember their exact title) multiple times a year and we pay for medication every 30 days.”

“She initially tried depression medication, followed the regimen religiously and not much changed for her.”

“This was addressed in a following appointment and a new medication was prescribed.”

“Her current medication is normally used to treat A[ttention] [Deficit] [Hyperactivity] D[isorder] or narcolepsy and the doctor believed it would alleviate some of her tiredness and release more dopamine thus providing more energy in her daily life.”

“This does seem to be true and she seems to be happy with the medicine.”

“The chronic fatigue is a result of her own poor scheduling and personal health.”

“She has agreed that she spends too much time sitting and using the phone.”

“She naps when our son naps and has trouble falling asleep at a normal bedtime hour due to this daytime sleep.”

“We always go to bed together and she’s told me multiple times that she moved to the living room after I fell asleep because she couldn’t sleep and was bored just lying there.”

“Then, midnight or later comes, she’s finally drowsy and decides to sleep.”

“However, the overstimulation from social media and phone usage makes it difficult for her brain to reach REM sleep normally.”

“So she falls asleep at 12:00, our son wakes up at 8:00, eight hours have passed and she still feels tired and not at all rested.”

“I do know and have known about her condition.”

“We have agreed to disagree about the cause of her sleeping problems.”

“In her mind she has chronic fatigue because of insomnia and it’s a vicious cycle.”

“In my mind she stays up too late on the phone and doesn’t get the sleep her body needs.”

“Whether the internet thinks she is a bad mother, negligent, lazy or abusive is not important.”

“I know and love the woman I married, I do feel comfortable leaving her with our kid and she does an amazing job with him.”

“In a few comments I stated that she was lazy and didn’t do much at home.”

“I won’t deny those statements, but in the moment I was still aggravated because the argument over the phone had just recently ended.”

“I don’t truly think she’s lazy because I’ve seen what she can do; I just think she’s unmotivated due to a lack of sleep and the same four walls every day.”

“Finally, I am not spying on her or my son.”

“We only have two cameras in this house and both are in our son’s room.”

“One camera provides a wide-angle view of the entire room and the other is positioned directly above his crib.”

“The cameras serve no purpose during the day because I’d barely be able to hear background noise from another room even if I did try to listen in.”

“My wife is an amazing woman and an amazing mother.”

“My son is just so happy all the time, he’s super smart, full of energy and extremely healthy.”

“I will not be hiring a nanny or using a daycare.”

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with what my wife does during the day, I just wish she’d start her day earlier for my little man.”

“I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on this post and messaged me.”

“My wife and I had a long, in-depth conversation last night after all of the attention this post received and I’ve shown her everything.”

“There were tears, much more laughs and a lot of things to think about.”

“I think the most important thing we learned is that so many people are quick to judge and that in itself is a very big problem.”

“I need to make it clear that my wife does not have narcolepsy.”

“She is not taking medicine for narcolepsy.”

“I said that the medicine she takes now is USUALLY used to treat narcolepsy or ADHD. She also does not have ADHD.

“The second thing we learned is that people love to add details and change the story.”

Well OP, sounds like you and the wife have it under control.

It’s nice to get closure for these stories.

And it’s even better when it’s happy closure.

Good luck.