redditthrowawa45 is a 20-year-old woman who opened up her home to her 24-year-old brother, who was recently kicked out of his apartment.
The brother brought with him his on-again, off-again girlfriend to stay in his sister's spare bedroom and he agreed to pay rent and financially compensate where he can.
The problem the Redditor has is with his girlfriend, who claimed to be pregnant.
Tensions between her and the Redditor arose when the Redditor confronted the girlfriend with an ultimatum.
The Redditor later visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for insisting my brother's girlfriend proves she's pregnant or she has to move out?"
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"My brother has been on and off with his girlfriend (27) for a couple of years now."
"It's been the same song and dance, they're happy for a few weeks, then something small happens, they argue, it gets really nasty, and they make up and back to a loving couple."
"When i learned my brother got kicked out of his apartment and needed a place to stay i offered him the extra room in my apartment and my brother agreed to pay rent, help with bills, and pitch in with food."
"For three months now, she's been announcing she's pregnant. She alone will eat a snack box with 50 small bags of chips in a week."
"I tried to reason with her and get her to cut back (not only from overeating but she was running us low on food) but she insists she and the baby are healthy and it's just cravings blah blah blah."
"Since last month, most of what my parents send to my house (my mom is a couponer so she bulk shops and give away what she has too much of) my brother's girlfriend is the first to get into it and a large portion of it is gone by a few days to a week."
"From a 24 case of monster (the energy drink if you're not familiar) 8 will be gone in a week from just her."
"She eats a hell of a lot of food too, most of which no pregnant woman should be consuming so much of and yes i know all pregnancies are different but words can't explain how much she eats in one sitting."
"So, today i had seen her drinking coffee and after her 2nd cup i asked her if she should be drinking so much and she said her doctor told her it was fine and she had no worries."
"When i suggested she take on a healthier diet for the baby she just scoffed and walked out."
"I went and asked my brother if he's been to any of her doctor appointments or even seen a positive pregnancy test and he said he didn't."
"I confronted her about it and she said she didn't have to prove anything and started to get defensive."
"I told her she needed to show a test or some proof of going to the doctor or she needs to move out as she doesn't help at all."
"My brother started defending her and changed his answer from not seeing any proof to seeing her pregnancy test."
"My parents got word of what i said and my mom says i was in no place to say anything and every woman's body is different and i wouldn't know since i've never been pregnant. AITA?"
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Select Redditors were tentative with their not the a**hole judgments.
"Kinda NTA. Asking for proof is extreme, but she's also eating you out of house and home. Even if she is actually pregnant, she probably needs to find a place of her own and get herself her own food."
"Do you really want a family of 3 living with you, when the mom and dad have a sh*tshow of a relationship? (Spoiler alert, you do not)." – fsbbem
The OP responded:
"Yea i see i was wrong for that, he said he only needed a few months to get back on their feet and he'd get his own place again so i wasn't worried about them still living with me in the future."
Others weighed in with concern about the girlfriend's caffeine intake if she is truly expecting.
"Btw OP the recommended caffeine intake for pregnancy is 200 MG. So 1 monster is almost too much. IF she is pregnant, that baby is likely to have issues." – Drkprincesslaura
"The caffeine consumption is alarming IF she is pregnant…idk how far along she is supposed to be but most obgyn's have a confirmation scan around 8-10 weeks…so a but suspicious that your brother hasn't even seen an ultrasound photo from her visits."
"I see her having a 'miscarriage' at some point if she isn't." – Possiblethrowaway81
"Toss them both because if she's pregnant, evicting kids is very very hard to do and she's already letting you know she has no intention to work. Why should she when you're supporting her? NTA." – Littleballoffur22
"For the record, no pregnancy tests and no doctor's visits your brother's aware of + her behavior makes me think you're not wrong for asking."
"I would logically conclude women who want to be pregnant and want to have the baby would take at least some healthy measures, i.e. not drink energy drinks. NTA Pregnant or not, the easy ride is over because she abused your generosity." - JuliaX1984
"NTA, and if your mother is so concerned, maybe she should house your brother and his girlfriend." - lihzee
The OP replied:
"She's the one that forced my brother to get his own apartment by kicking him out because she was sick of their arguing."
The OP later provided an update.
"I did talk to [the girlfriend] a while ago about getting a job as well as helping out financially and she said she'd start and never has.
"Right so based on majority of the comments i overstepped yes but i'm going to go with my gut on this one and give them their 30 days notice and call it a day."
"I'll for sure update you guys in a month (when they're to be gone) and let you all (who's interested) know what's happened by then!"
"I keep repeating myself let me add my brother knows everything i've said (the excessive caffeine, no ultrasound etc)."
"Yes my brother still buys her tampons monthly and i know this because he goes with me when i buy mine."
"No i was not faking concern by the coffee comment. She drinks 2 cups of coffee a day along with a monster that's a ton of caffeine."
Redditors are waiting to hear what happens after the OP's proposed 30-day deadline is up.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.