Divorce is never easy.
Even in an “amicable” divorce, one must still come to terms that there are elements of your relationship which will prevent your marriage from succeeding.
And worse still, one doesn’t just loose one’s spouse when getting divorced, but also all of your spouse’s family.
Redditor Legal_Actuator4074 had a chance encounter with her former sister-in-law, which began as a rather happy reunion.
That is, until she discovered that her ex-husband lied about their reasons for getting a divorce.
And her ex-husband was not pleased at all when she corrected his sister on the real reasons they are no longer married.
Worried she was out of line, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole”, (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my ex-sister-in-law the reason my ex and I divorced?”
The OP first openly shared what led her first marriage to come to an end, and how she managed to turn her life around.
“I (37 F[emale]) divorced my ex-husband (38 M[ale]) nine years ago.”
“We got married when we were both 19 after dating for three or so years.”
“We ended up divorcing because in my mid twenties, I started putting on a lot of weight.”
“I was really stressed from work and had poor mental health.”
“I had a bad relationship with food basically my entire life and developed terrible binge eating disorder (BED).”
“When I married my husband, I weighed about 120lbs, but right before we divorced I weighed 240.”
“My husband sat me down after the first forty or so and told me he was concerned about my health and said that if I kept gaining weight, he wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore.”
“Hearing this devastated me but I decided to really try to lose weight.”
“It didn’t work, though.”
“If anything, trying to diet just made it worse, as I started feeling guilty eating at all which led to more binging.”
“We talked and decided divorce would best.”
“I don’t have any regrets nor do I hate him.”
“I get where he was coming from.”
“We didn’t have kids, so the divorce was easy and I haven’t spoken to him in years.”
“Now, I weigh 220, am married, and have two kids.”
Down the line, the OP was happily surprised to run into her former sister-in-law, until she learned what her ex-husband had been telling his family.
“Recently, I was at the mall, and I ran into my ex-sister-in-law (SIL).”
“It was the first time I’ve seen her in years.”
“We always got along fairly well so it was nice to see her.”
“We chatted for a few minutes.”
“At some point, she said something along the lines of ‘I was always surprised that it ended between the two of you the way it did’.”
“I asked what she meant and she said that my ex had told his side of the family that I had an affair, which obviously wasn’t true.”
“Admittedly, I was very upset.”
“I didn’t understand why he felt the need to portray me as a cheater instead of telling the truth, which isn’t even then that bad.”
“So, I told her what really happened.”
“My ex-SIL seemed genuinely surprised and said she had no idea.”
“I told her it was fine and that it didn’t bother me but that I wished he would have told the truth from the start.”
The truth quickly spread through the family of the OP’s ex-husband, which as the OP would soon find out, did not please him one bit.
“I went home and didn’t think much of it.”
“To my shock, my ex husband called upset.”
“He asked why I told his sister that.”
“I guess the truth has gone around most of his family and is even causing problems in his current marriage.”
“I told him I was sorry this was happening but that what I said was the truth.”
“I honestly do feel really bad though.”
“I don’t talk to him or his family ever, and it would have basically zero impact on me if they remembered me as the adulterer ex for the rest of my life.”
“I didn’t realize that they would react so strongly to the truth, though.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole, and did the absolute right thing in setting the record straight with her ex-sister-in-law.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s ex-husband dug his own grave by lying about the divorce in the first place, and all the anger directed towards him by his family and current wife is his fault and his fault alone.
“NTA.”
“You only told the truth, he was being sh*tty by lying to everyone.”
“Even if he didn’t want to say the true reason, ‘It didn’t work out’, ‘differences in perspectives’, etc.. would’ve sufficed.”
“He didn’t need to lie that you are a friggin adulterer.”
“That just isn’t fair.”-ThomzLC.
“NTA.”
“He lied.”
“You never need to play the bad guy when someone lies about you because they are too cowardly to tell the truth and are afraid that they will look bad.”- Kris82868.
“NTA.”
“What possessed him to lie AND make you the bad guy?”
“He deserves any problems that happen as the result of his lie.”- FileDoesntExist.
“NTA.”
“Why on earth wouldn’t he at least say something like irreconcilable differences and refuse to elaborate if he was dead set on hiding the truth?”
“Honestly, so many ways that he could’ve avoided honesty with making OP the bad guy.”
“Dude needs therapy.”- Throwawaytodayahay.
“NTA.”
“Definitely sounds like you handled the situations (divorce and the meeting with SIL) with dignity and grace.”
“OTOH, your ex is TA.”
“Lying about the reason for the divorce is a d*ck move.”
“He deserves whatever slapping around he gets from his family.”
Y”ou are best done with him and no doubt saved yourself a lot of grief down the road!”-Funny_Jellyfish5632.
“NTA- he was happy to throw you under the bus, you’re much better without him.”- Affectionate-Emu1374.
“NTA.”
“Why would you protect somebody that’s negatively lying about you?”
“His problems are his and as you have no ties to his they really shouldn’t affect you.”
“He is shallow and a liar, he doesn’t deserve your guilt.”-gaellamaas.
“Holy crap NTA!”
“You handled your divorce with incredible dignity and grace, given your already-burdened mental health.”
“As someone who also struggles with yoyo-ing weight and has developed clinical depression & anxiety in part because of it, I can imagine what was going on in your head at the time.”
“Your ex chose to lie to his family and paint himself as the victim because he felt that they would look down upon him if he told them the truth.”
“That is 1000% his problem, not yours.”-JenniphyrN.
“NTA and I’m glad your ex SIL didn’t sit there and not believe you.”
“Seems she had more trust in your word against his from the start, so perhaps him lying wasn’t something new.”- aykitty-Gaming.
“He could at least have picked a lie that didn’t make you look bad!”
“OR he could have said ‘we fell out of love’, which would be truth.”
“Honestly, this is all your ex’s fault!”
“NTA.”-nerdy_latino.
“NTA.”
“He is though.”-Ok-Winter-4856.
“Imagine being this guy’s new wife and suddenly learning you’ve been lied to for however many years AND he actually left his last wife for gaining weight.”
“I’d be re-evaluating things real quick.”
“NTA.”
“His soon-to-be ex definitely appreciates you clearing things up.”-Opheliac12.
“NTA, how convenient for him that you had no contact with anyone in his life so he could spread whatever lies he wanted to about you to paint himself to be the victim.”
“Classic narcissism.”
“Didn’t stop at him not being willing to love his own wife through some weight gain.”-puCpuCpuCmarijuana.
“Top Tip: If you don’t want to be called a liar then don’t lie.”
“Did he really expect you to say she was having sex with someone else? “
“NTA.”- Wetnosedcretin
“NTA.”
“He’s upset because he got burned by his own lies, why should you feel sorry about it.”-cookieenmelk.
“NTA .”
“As the saying goes on this Reddit, ‘if the truth can destroy a situation, it should be destroyed’.”
“Your ex told a vicious lie about you to protect himself from the consequences of his own sh*tty behavior, so he definitely deserves to be exposed and get those consequences.”-KeyFly3.
“NTA.”
“Lies always come out.”
“You married as kids and he remains a giant kid.”
“His actions and lies are what is dismantling his life.”
“He did it himself.”
“You have built a wonderful life, don’t let him make you have regrets of his horrible actions towards you.”- Glittering_Read7320.
“NTA.”
“He could have literally just said that the love fell through and you both decided divorce was the best idea.”
“It is a tad reductive but still the truth.”
“Why he lied to make you look like the villain when there really wasn’t a villain is stupid.”
Perhaps the OP’s ex-husband was ashamed of the reasons his first marriage came to an end, leading to his decision to lie to his family.
But actions have consequences, and this same lie now might have put his second marriage in jeopardy.