It's a very exciting moment when children finally fly the coop and start a home of their very own.
That doesn't stop their parents from "parenting", offering suggestions, if not making outright decisions regarding what their new home should be like.
While everyone should be grateful for their parents' help, chances are they won't always see eye to eye on decorating matters.
Things can get even more complicated when it involves in-laws.
The son of Redditor Head-Meetthrow recently moved into his "forever home" with his wife, who was expecting their first child.
To commemorate the occasion, the original poster (OP) decided to gift them with a relic of her son's past.
While the gift was appreciated by the OP's son, his wife was much less grateful, even going so far as to say the gift resulted in marital difficulties between them.
Concerned she may have overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for 'decorating' my son/DIL home by giving my son a dresser for their nursery."
The OP explained how a nostalgic gift ended up putting her at odds with her daughter-in-law (DIL):
"Growing up my son had a dresser that was made by my father."
"He was a very good woodworker and the dresser has hand carved details."
"It is a very nice dresser."
"My son loved it and was going to take it with him when he moved out, sadly due to a tornado the dresser was very badly damaged when our roof fell."
"So when he moved out after college their was not reason to take the busted dresser and it stayed in our new garage collecting dust."
"I could not bring my self to toss it."
"My son is now married and they moved into their forever home."
"He mentioned that he it was upsetting that their kid won't have anything like his dresser growing up."
"My son wished he could have passed it down since his grandpa is dead ( my father who made the dresser)."
"My son mentioned trying to make something small but he is not very good at building stuff."
"I decided to see if it could be repaired ( I didn't have high hopes) and contacted a few people."
"There was one guy that was willing to give it a try."
"In the end he was able to keep a lot of the original wood ( including my dad's stamp) and most of the original carvings at the bottom."
"He replaced what was needed and it looks great."
"He even carved in new engravings from pictures."
"I invited them both to dinner, and I gave my son the gift."
"He loved it, and took it home that night."
"He sent me a few pictures of it in the nursery."
"This is the issue, my DIL sent me a very long text about a week after about giving him the dresser for the nursery."
"She was pissed that she wasn't informed and that it doesn't match the room (the dresser wood doesn't really match because the whole room is very light)."
"That I had no right to try to decorate their house, that she hates it in the nursery, and it is causing marriage problems."
"She told me that I need to take it back."
"I told her no, and if my son wishes to give it back, then he can, but I will not ask for it back."
"She called me a jerk."
"I am going to talk to my son about the whole thing but I am wondering if I actually was a d*ck for giving the fixed up dresser."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for giving her son his repaired dresser:
Everyone agreed that the reaction of the OP's DIL was way out of line, with finding the fact that she went behind his back to complain to the OP a major cause for concern:
"For once, I'm on the MIL's side."
"That dresser has a lot of sentimental value, and if your son wants it, he can have it."
'It doesn't necessarily have to be part of the nursery, just having it in the house somewhere, it fits in could mean the world, his grandfather made that, wifey needs to learn to compromise and accept that life may not always fit aesthetic."
"NTA."- Sea_Roof3637
"NTA."
"1 - Your son clearly wanted that dresser or something like it."
"You did a VERY thoughtful thing, with a very clear sense that it was wanted, not that it was you trying to push something on him."
"2 - Once a gift crosses the threshold of the home, the son and wife decide where it goes...I assume son put it in the nursery."
"3 - This is now a son and his wife issue."
"They can keep it in the nursery, put it in the rec room, use it as a toy chest in the play room...whatever."
"4 - Red flag that DIL came right to you to deal with the issue rather than son...OR..son deflected to you 'I don't know honey, mom will be so crushed if it's not in the nursery....'"
"Either way, you let son and DIL work this out, however I'd talk to son and ask exactly what's going on and why DIL is reaching out to you to take back a gift."
"Tell him it's his now and they, together, can do whatever they want with it."
"Then leave it alone for them to work out."- LiveKindly01
"Ugh some people get way too caught up in the aesthetics of a room."
"This is an heirloom that clearly means a lot to your son."
"I know it's tragic that your DILs IG photos won't look perfect but she'll get over it."
"NTA."- Forsoothia
"NTA."
"Your son wanted the dresser. you gave your son the dresser."
"I cannot read your dil telling you to 'take it back' as anything other than trying to override her husband's decision."
"This is between them, and is not your problem."
"For the record, though, I think I'm on your son's side on this one."- dryadduinath
"NTA."
"What a beautiful and special gift."
"If she says anything again, continue to reiterate that it's between them now."
"They can easily move it somewhere else."
"If it's staying in the nursery, it's because your son wants it there."- spongebobsworsthole
"Giving your son a dresser that has sentimental significance, even if it had to be reworked, shows how much you love your son."
"Tell your son, it is his, and have them put the dresser in another room if necessary."
"NTA."- PutPretty647
"NTA."
"Let your son know your DIL contacted you."- C_Majuscula
"NTA, you shouldn't even get involved in whether they keep it or not."
"This was obviously something your son wanted and loved."
"What he does with it is up to him now."- War_D0ct0r
"NTA."
"Son wanted it."
"DIL then got mad at you."
"If she doesn't want it there, they can move it somewhere else."
'Main problem is that They Need To Talk."
"She owes you an apology."- Prior-Business-6054
"NTA."
"Seems that your son was happy with the dresser, and he should have a vote in this matter."
"Sorry your well-meaning act has caused problems between him and his wife, but this is for them to work out."- Realistic_Head4279
"NTA."
"Your son made it clear he wanted it."
"It was a great thing you did."
"DIL may not like it, but she is being an AH about it."
"Tell your son about it."
"Send him the texts from her."
"He needs to work it out with her."- MerlinBiggs
"NTA."
"You didn't decorate anything."
'You gave them a dresser, which your son really appreciated."
"It's then up to her and your sin to discuss where it goes and how it fits in the room."
"Your DIL doesn't seem to care about what your son wants, but that doesn't have anything to do with you."- keesouth
"NTA."
"It's way out of pocket for your DIL to respond like this."
"If your son has an issue, he can communicate that to you."- Rare-Progress5009
Following the responses from the Reddit community, most of which were quite disparaging towards her DIL, the OP returned with an update:
"'For f*cks sakes, she is pregnant and overreacted (it happens) she's not the devil."
"Not, she isn't going to throw it away, no, she isn't abusing my son, no, she isn't evil."
"No, the marriage isn't going to end over this."
"If you are going to call her a b*tch or make ridiculous assumptions, don't comment."
The OP's update is a telling sign that she will always spring to her DIL's defense, even after the disrespectful way she treated her.
Hopefully, the OP's DiL will come to realize this and perhaps reflect on her own behavior.
It seems she will be easily forgiven by the OP.
