On paper, weddings are meant to be joyous occasions that invite all sorts of people to spend time celebrating a new couple.
But as anyone who's been involved in a wedding knows, sometimes tension and drama can outshine all that joy.
One Redditor found herself encountering that long before the wedding even happened. She shared her story in a post on the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as amberlynnbb on the site, shared a couple details in the title.
"AITA for not wanting my best friend to bring her daughter on my Bachelorette trip?"
From the very beginning, OP has felt conflicted.
"I (23-year-old female) am getting married in January of 2023. My best friend suggested that we take a trip to the beach for my Bach party and now I am obsessed with the idea."
"The issue is that she is refusing to go out of state for 3 days without her 2 year old daughter."
She offered up some rationale.
"I am not a mom and I know she will miss her for those few days. I would have no issue with this if she had no one to watch her, but she has a husband and plenty of trustworthy family members who I know would love to watch her daughter."
"I feel like she is making my special moment about her."
"She begged and hoped to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and I ultimately chose to ask her to be one even after I was incredibly hurt when she didn't put me in her own wedding and now I feel like she isn't doing what she is supposed to be doing as a bridesmaid."
And for OP, this all sounded a bit familiar.
"I also want to state that I had a prior issue with her regarding wanting my wedding to be child free."
"She told me that I was 'asking her to choose between her child and her best friend' even though she was going to be without her for only one night!"
Although OP was able to put out that fire, the developments with the Back trip still lingered.
"I eventually just asked her if she wanted her daughter to be my flower girl so that she could still be at the wedding in order to solve that conflict."
"I feel like I am breaking my back to make her happy for the most important event of my life instead of doing what I actually want."
OP came up with a disheartening solution.
"I ended up talking to her and told her I was really sad and feel a trip isn't a good idea anymore (even though I really want to take one)..."
"...because if I tell her she can bring her kid on my Bach trip then I'll have to let my other family members/bridal party members bring their kids. I can't tell one person yes and the other person no."
"I told her that it wouldn't even feel like a Bach trip at that point, it would feel like a family vacation."
OP closed with some long-awaited venting.
"She just responded with 'I get what you mean! It's okay, we can do something else for your Bach then' I am so frustrated."
"In my opinion a bachelorette trip is no place for children, especially a 2 year old."
"But I still feel like an a**hole because she says things like 'you're making me choose between you and my child' when I bring up leaving her daughter out of ANYTHING."
"I never have an issue with letting her tag along, I love her like my own. But this one thing should be about me and I feel like I can't truly do what I want because of her."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Almost every response supported OP's decision. In fact, they told her to stick to her guns.
"NTA. She is the one making the choice between you and her child. Like you said, she had a husband and family members that can look after her for a few nights."
"Honestly, don't sacrifice what you want for her - she is being unfair emotionally manipulating you into doing g what she wants. Go to the beach and have an amazing (child free) weekend." -- xpotential31
"NTA - this is not a good friend. She begs to be in your wedding but doesn't return the favour, expects loads of accommodations around her and for your bach trip to change to suit her needs?"
"Nope. Do what YOU want for your bachelorette, if this 'friend' can't make it, she can't make it. Have your child free wedding and use it as a great excuse to make sure she doesn't come." -- AlternativeAd3652
"NTA. Still plan your beach Bach party, and just tell her she's more than welcome to come spend the day with you and the rest of the party and drive home to her family if she doesn't feel comfortable being without her daughter."
"This way the ball is 100% in her court but also if she can't even go 12 hours without her kid than it's a her problem and the rest of the party shouldn't have to suffer." -- latefordinner__
"NTA! I'm a mom and I would effing HATE to bring my child to a bachelorette party. She should be happy to enjoy a vacation without her? You should stand your ground. If you dont want kids, dont let kids come. 2 year olds suck the fun and spontaneity out of everything."
"Tell her that if she is uncomfortable leaving her daughter, then she can skip out on the bachelorette party and attend the wedding. Be kind but assertive. I know you dont want a child at your wedding either but I think her being the flower girl is a good compromise."
"Ultimately you wont have too pay much attention to her child at the reception. Good luck and congratulations." -- alotatola
Some were even more stern with their advice that OP advocate for herself more.
"Uhgr she sounds tiresome. Tell her you will be doing X Y and Z for your bachelorette party - she can come without her daughter or don't come at all. It's your party not hers."
"Honestly I'd drop her totally she sounds super selfish and who the hell takes a child to a bachelorette party my lord. NTA" -- England_emma
"NTA. You're absolutely right, a bachelorette trip is no place for a 2 year old. Instead of supporting you and doing her best to make your wedding experiences good for you, she's doing what is most convenient for herself."
"You may want to reconsider having her in your wedding party. Take the beach trip and tell her that while you would love for her to be there, it is 100% child free. Don't let her selfishness dictate your event." -- Consistent-Leopard71
"NTA. Tell her clearly that she's invited on the planned beach trip but her daughter is not."
"Either she comes without her daughter = you win"
"Or"
"She gets offended and backs out if your wedding = you win (it's plainly obvious you didn't want her or her daughter in your wedding in the first place)" -- gw2kpro
"NTA. I am baffled that this friend is basically asking you to make the one time in your life that is supposed to be done how YOU want it, about her."
"Now you have to change all of your plans for her? No girl. You are going to regret bending over backwards for anyone else when it comes to your wedding."
"Do it your way and make no apologies. If she really loves you, she'll make a plan for the one night without her daughter. Otherwise, her sitting out may be a good thing. Sounds like she'd be moping around anyway if she does come (grudgingly, probably)." -- monsoonpepper
A few even supplied some drafts.
"NTA. 'Oh you can't come without her, that's unfortunate. We will take lots of photos for you to look at when we come back then.' "
"The more you cater then the more she will demand." -- Status-Pattern7539
"Pls go on your bach trip!!! Tell her she's invited, but it's child free. Although, if she did go without her kid she would prob ruin your trip anyway."
"Personally I'd say 'I understand that you don't want to leave your daughter and I'm totally ok with that. We will miss you on the bach trip!' " -- squeezemymilkies
"NTA. She's being manipulative to get her way. She uses her child as a pawn in your arguments so that you feel bad. The only thing you can do with that is to see what she's doing for what it is and state clear boundaries."
" 'I would like to have the beach trip that I wanted for my bachelorette party, it will be child free as all bachelorette parties are. This is not up for discussion and I'm sorry if you won't be able to attend.' "
"Repeat every time she pulls this crap until she stops or proves that she has no respect for you and you can move on." -- aielwyn
Here's hoping OP has a fabulous bachelorette celebration and wedding, and not a single kid shows up.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.