Having children will mean significant changes in your life.
Gone are your carefree late nights out with friends, at least for the foreseeable future.
And sometimes, simply getting out of the house seems like an insurmountable obstacle.
Perhaps the hardest part is that you don’t get to see your friends as often as you might like, and in this age of social media, you can see exactly what you’re missing out on.
Such was the case for Redditor No-Youth-6786, who was disappointed she was spending less and less time with her best friend.
After seeing her friend and others having a grand night on the town without her, the original poster (OP) wasn’t afraid to express her anger regarding the dynamic change in their relationship.
Effectively putting them at a distance.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for snapping at my friend who keeps ditching me because I now have a child?”
The OP explained how she was growing increasingly hurt when her best friend began paying fewer and fewer visits after she gave birth to her daughter, but after seeing pictures of her going out on the town with friends, she was downright angry.
“Just over two years ago, I (29 F[emale]) unexpectedly got pregnant and now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter, Ciara.”
“Over that time my friends circle got considerably smaller but my best friend remained, Mia (31 F). Mia doesn’t have kids nor wants kids but she’s been brilliant with Ciara.”
“I’m a SAHM and obviously don’t have as much time to hang out as I did previously.”
“Mia and I live on the same street, we’re in Manchester, England, and it’s a walking distance between our houses.”
“I’ve told Mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to, she works from home, but she rarely does.”
“She did at the beginning but it’s been happening less and less.”
“Instead, she keeps suggesting we go out for coffee or pizza or even a drink but I don’t have the time and always just tell her to come over and we’ll have coffee at my place.”
“She asked if I wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink last weekend but I said that no but she’s welcome to come over and we’ll have a few drinks at mine.”
“She said she already had plans and it felt weird to drink when she knows there’s a child around.”
“Honestly, I feel neglected.”
“I feel like she put me on a back burner and doesn’t want to be friends anymore.”
“I’m always available but she rarely comes over and I don’t think that’s fair.”
“Today, I saw her photos from Saturday night out and I was fuming.”
“She ditched me just so she could go and drink like she’s 20 again.”
“I felt rejected and horrible, I thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn’t value me when she won’t even have a few drinks with me at my house.”
“When she finished work, she called and asked if I fancied going for coffee to town but I asked her to come over again.”
“She said yes but before she disconnected, I heard her mumble ‘like always’.”
“This really annoyed me.”
“When she came over, I decided to be open about everything.”
“And while not my proudest or most mature moment, I shouted at her that she’s an awful friend m, that she barely comes over and if she doesn’t want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around.”
“She said she’s always been accommodating but it’s been 2 years and she doesn’t want to spend time with me when there’s always a kid, especially now when she has to watch her language.”
“Mia likes to swear.”
“I said that she knew I had a child and responsibilities”
“And she said that Tom, my partner, could take care of Ciara once in a while so I could have a time off.”
“This felt really intrusive and I told her to mind her own business and not meddle on my marriage.”
“I was really angry with her and kicked her out.”
“She called me a selfish a**hole on her way out.”
“Normally, I would expect her to call by now with apologies but she hasn’t done so and I’m starting to wonder was I the asshole or was she?”
“Perhaps I was too harsh and should’ve been more careful with discussing it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who unanimously agreed that she was, indeed, the a**hole for snapping at MIa.
Everyone agreed that the OP was not “ditched” by Mia, but rather declined an invitation, and thus had no right to react in the way she did, with others unable to understand why the OP’s partner couldn’t step up and be a father from time to time so she could go out every now and then.
“YTA she didn’t ditch you on Saturday.”
“She invited you to come with her and her other friends, meaning she had already committed to going out with other people.”
“If she had come to yours for drinks, she would’ve been ditching her other friends.”- ashes_9914
“YTA, Also the ‘Not to meddle in your marriage’ what are you on?”
“He’s a parent who can, ya know parent.”
“It is not healthy to never socialise without your child, it’s good for both of you.”- TeaLoverGal
“YTA.”
“You refuse to do ANYTHING outside the home.”
“She asks you constantly.”
“You’re evidently working on being a helicopter mom.”
“At some point you need to leave the home and do something without your child.”
“It’s better for both of you.”
“And you ditched her.”
“Not the other way around.”- Katana1369
“Why can’t Tom take care of Ciara once in a while so you can have time off?”- MundaneRelation2142
“YTA.”
“When you have a child, they are the most important person to you.”
“BUT, that doesn’t mean that they are the most important person to everyone else.”
“Your a SAHM, that’s your choice, and it sounds like Mia has tried really hard to be accommodating, but for Christ sakes, it’s been two years of her doing things your way.”
“She didn’t ghost you or be rude, she suggested having your husband, the FATHER, watch your child so you can hang out and you yell at her an accuse her of meddling in your marriage?”
“Girl, there’s a lot of issues in your marriage in that statement alone that you’re not posting on here.”
“Don’t blame her for finally having enough and calling you an asshole cause you are acting like one.”
“Don’t expect her to apologize cause you don’t deserve one.”
“You want to keep this friendship, you talk to a therapist cause you’ve got some issues, and when you are mature enough to have an adult conversation, call Mia and apologize.”- GullibleNerd88
“YTA.”
“She’s trying to stay engaged in your life, but you only want it 100% on your terms.”
“She’s not wrong for wanting to go out and have adult evenings out.”
“Hire a sitter or ask your husband to take over for the night and join her.”
“You were rude and out of line with her.”- thebabes2
“You’ve made your entire friendship with Mia be about your kid and completely failed to acknowledge her POV or emotional needs.”
“This is on you for neglecting the friendship, which REQUIRES time without a toddler around.”
“YTA.”- imothro
“YTA.”
“You’re always expecting her to accommodate you because you have a child.”
“She’s been coming over to your house for over a year because she understands your life has changed.”
“You’re putting in very little effort and assuming that it’s on her to maintain the friendship and compromise, why?”
“Because you’re a mom?”
“She didn’t ditch you, you’ve been a sh*tty friend for a while and she’s probably done with you.”-FunkyOrangePenguin
“Yes YTA!”
“Your friend is not obligated to be around kids just because you had a child.”
“It’s not like she ignored you.”
“She invited you out multiple times.”
“Your entitlement that she should always hang out at your house around your kid is wrong.”
“Also, yes, she can go out and drink like she’s in her 20s again.”
“Maybe you should try that sometime too, instead of insisting to drink around a small child which majority of the people are not comfortable with.”- pepper_18
It’s understandable that the OP feels left out, and Mia could be more sympathetic toward the fact that the OP would need to get childcare to go out with her.
That being said, the OP does have a partner who one would think could, on occasion, step up to the plate and watch their daughter once in a while.
And even if having a child certainly complicates life, part of being a good friend is compromising, making one wish the OP had thought of trying to find common ground with Mia, rather than simply snapping at her.
Hopefully, the OP will realize this, and reach out to Mia while their friendship can still be saved.