A woman and her husband had allocated money set aside to pay for their daughter’s wedding.
However, the wedding fund turned out to be a conditional offer that sparked controversy on Reddit.
Redditor AvadGardener9090 was slammed for denying her daughter the finances initially intended for her after explaining what happened in the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP) asked:
“AITA for not paying for my daughters wedding?”
“My husband and I started saving for my daughters (28) college fund since she was born, we both worked really hard for our money and we accumulated a lot for her.”
“She ended up getting a scholarship to cover a lot of her college so we had about 20k left over, we offered to give to her at the time and she said she’d rather we keep it for when she gets married and we agreed. That was years ago now.”
“About 4 years ago my daughter came out as bi-sexual and started dating a girl, this shocked us a lot because we never saw her as the type.”
The OP expressed her disappointment in her daughter and responded accordingly after noticing a specific financial detail while going over wedding plans.
“My husband and I were really upset because we loved the idea of her having a husband and a family, grandchildren for us. We thought it was just a phase but 4 years later they are still together and they got engaged last month.”
“They came over to visit and do some wedding planning, she got her journal and it had the finances they put aside for the wedding as well as ‘20k- Mom & Dad’.”
“I saw this and told her that we were planning on using that 20k for renovations now.”
“She questioned us and we were upfront and said we agreed for her to use that money under the assumption she was marrying a man.”
“Her girlfriend got very upset and started calling us homophobic, and my daughter just sat there letting her go off at us.”
“Then my daughter said ‘that money was mine and I had it all planned out to use it towards the wedding’ well no it is our money that we saved with a specific use. She left in a huff and told us to never speak to her again.”
“I think she is being very ungrateful but my other daughter has now turned on us as well and said we are terrible parents. I am not homophobic I respect same sex couples it is just not what I wanted for my daughter. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors almost unanimously agreed that the OP was TA.
“YTA. You were willing to just straight up hand over the money to her, and she asked you to save it for her wedding.”
“Then she found someone to marry, and now you are refusing to hand over the money because that person happens to be a woman. You are being unsupportive and homophobic.” – Tomato_Tomat0
“YTA. You love who you love, whether race, gender, whatever. Give the money. Let them have a wedding. You don’t have to attend if you don’t want to.”
“The money was ear-marked for her wedding. This is her wedding. And who knows how many grand-babies your daughter and her partner will be having? You may have a happy future with a full house full of love and happiness ahead. Please reconsider.” – NCKALA
If their parents had the same reaction, this Redditor said they would rather have them do something else with the allocated money.
“If they still accept the money at this point. If my parents said something like that to the person I wanted to marry, they wouldn’t be invited to the wedding at all.”
“Honestly, I’d likely tell them to stick their money where the sun doesn’t shine, and I’d demand an apology first and foremost. It’s an incredibly insensitive move.” – darthvadercake
This Redditor’s religious mother had a similar reaction to coming out and advised for the OP not to make the same mistake.
“I’m bisexual and Hispanic. my mom grew up catholic and in a pretty conservative environment. she also had a lot of gay and trans friends when i was a kid bc she worked in south beach.”
“so when they found out i was gay it was honestly a shock to me that she had an issue. this is the excuse she used as to why she wasnt okay with ME being gay. she told me all the time how she wanted me to get married to a man and have kids and a house and all the things she didnt have.”
“shes perfectly fine with me not wanting kids but it took 8 years and me marrying a trans women and leaving the house for a year to realize that as long as i am with someone who loves and supports me that she should be happy for me.”
“OP YTA and youre going to regret letting your homophobia get in the way of seeing your daughter happy. also she and her fiance could still give you grandkids, so i suggest if you want to meet those grandkids you get over your homophobia and give her her money.” – bbyfcdassassin
“YTA for sure. You should also know that same sex couples can adopt or get a donor- and you’re on a fast track to never being able to see your grandchildren, deservedly so.”
“You owe your daughter and your daughter in law huge apologies.” – stephowl
The OP’s comment expressing how her daughter was being ungrateful did not go unnoticed.
“I love how OP felt the need to say her daughter was being ungrateful. Like….what??”
“What the hell does the daughter have to be grateful for? OP didn’t give her anything!” – marymoo2
“YTA you say you respect same sex couples but you obviously don’t respect your daughter’s decision to marry a woman.”
“That isn’t fully respecting the lgbtq community because you think it’s different when it is someone close to you. Also her and her wife will still be able to have kids if that’s what they want to do. She is right to call you out on your bullsh*t.” – artistbaylie
In case the OP was confused over all of the common responses, this Redditor gave a few reminders supporting their judgments.
“YTA, and you’re homophobic. You have no problems with same sex couples so long as you’re not related to them.”
“You agreed to keep it for her wedding, did you say at the time only if you marry someone of the opposite gender no. Your daughter had a reasonable expectation, you had agreed to keep the 20k for her wedding.”
“Normally I’d be saying NOT THE AH when kids expect money from parents, but in this case where you’d agreed to it. Hadn’t ever told the daughter something different. And are a bigoted AH you and your husband are the AH.” – AngelsAttitude
This encouraging Redditor is hoping the OP will turn things around.
“YTA. Give your daughter the money, educate yourself and look inwards about your need to control her and punish her for wanting to be happy over your archaic views on how your daughter should live HER life.”
“It’s not too late to do the right thing.” – SmoochNo
The OP expressed her dismay in an update after reading the comments and informed Redditors she will try to be “more understanding” of her daughter.
“Edit: Wow I wasn’t expecting this reaction. Thank you for the lovely messages threatening me and calling me a homophobe.”
“I have rethought my stance and I will be trying to be more understanding of my daughter however I know to never go to this forum again.”
There were no further updates as to whether or not the OP made a contribution to her daughter’s wedding.