Money is a really touchy subject.
It always has been.
But at the moment it’s an even more arduous topic.
Times are tough, everyone is feeling it.
But maybe everyone doesn’t see that.
Case in point…
Redditor Spiritual-Vanilla-87 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for asking my well-off friend to stop complaining about money?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My friend, Hailey has everything.”
“Her own flat, a car, a well-paying job and she goes to at least 2-3 foreign holidays with her husband per year.”
“Meanwhile I have to rent, haven’t been abroad in probably 10 years and almost live paycheck to paycheck.”
“She is my oldest friend and our differences haven’t caused any problems between us in the past, but now that our country is heading into a recession, she has started to be a bit too much.”
“Every time we meet, she complains about money.”
“How everything is so expensive.”
“They will probably only go abroad once next year and will have to vacation in our own country during the summer.”
“How she has no idea how they will be able to upgrade their flat to a bigger one in the future and they have sooo much debt.”
“Oh, and now her husband has to take the bus to work, because gas is too expensive. Poor thing!”
“I had enough when she was talking about not knowing how they would be able to afford a baby in this economy.”
“I told her that I’m sick of her constantly whining about not being even richer, not having one extra room in her flat and only going to Barcelona for 4 days next year.”
“Meanwhile my boyfriend and I won’t even have a Christmas tree this year and probably just skip Christmas all together.”
“She told me she had no idea I think of her like this and she can lend me some money if I need it.”
“Then proceeded to play the victim, told me that she is not rich at all, she lives in the same world as I do and inflation is affecting her too.”
“How is she not rich at all, but has no problem lending me money??”
“I told her that our struggles are not the same and her comparing them to each other is a slap in the face.”
“This was a few days ago and I calmed down a bit since then.”
“Everything I said was true, but now I’m thinking I might have been a bit too harsh on Hailey and maybe she truly is just too privileged to see my point and can’t help it.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA but softly.”
“I absolutely understand how frustrating it is to be on a lower economic ring and hear people who are effectively ‘rich’ complain about money.”
“It’s also 1000% bad form and poor taste to complain about money woes to someone that you know has it worse than you.”
“That being said, the troubles in a person’s life are still their troubles.”
“Maybe from your view point she has nothing to complain about, but it’s all relative and there are millions of people across the world that could literally make the same complaint about you.”
“Meanwhile my boyfriend and I won’t even have a Christmas tree this year and probably just skip Christmas all together.”
A” lot of people won’t even have FOOD today, let alone on Christmas.”
“If you guys are really friends, I’d have a conversation with her about how it makes you uncomfortable to listen to her money woes when you have it worse and then let it drop.”
“Hopefully she’ll be more tactful in the future, but it doesn’t cost you anything to be empathetic to someone’s problems, even if they’re still better off than you.” ~ Nihlys
“I would also add that it’s likely your friend didn’t even realize/know the financial situation you were in.”
“I’m not sure how much you discuss your end of the finances but even with you yelling at her.”
“Her first instinct was to help.”
“She definitely committed faux pau but from what you’ve presented it’s not malicious.” ~ Scion41790
“The friend’s immediate offer of help was also what made me think OP is a soft YTA.”
“If someone was yelling or snapped at me, my first reaction would NOT be to offer assistance.”
“It would be ‘don’t f**king talk to me like that’ because I don’t yell or snap at my friends.”
“It is also so very likely that OP’s friend doesn’t realize OP’s dire financial straits.”
“I have friends who I was surprised to find out were significantly wealthier than I thought, as well as some who were significantly less well off than I thought.”
“I know for a fact that every single one of my friends has absolutely no idea my financial situation.”
“Having said all that, hopefully OP’s friend recognizes she needs to be a bit more sensitive now on that topic.” ~ FingHateReddit
“Although what OP’s friend was doing would 100% drive me up a wall, I highly doubt she was doing it maliciously.”
“Especially because, like you said, her first instinct was to help.”
“She honestly seems like a pretty decent friend, albeit a little bit daft at times.”
“And like the 1st comment said, a lot of people won’t have food this Christmas or even a place to stay.”
“A lot of people will not get gifts or food for Christmas, but frostbite and even possibly death.”
“Her problems are still her problems, and even if they are 1st world problems, they’re big to her.” ~ ButWhatIfItQueffed
“Also, I understand feeling offended at the offer to lend money.”
“But the way you described, it sounds like Hailey was offering out of concern for you and wanted to be a good friend.”
“Try not be grateful for the generous offer from a friend instead of seeing is as a slap in the face.”
“Light YTA.” ~tawandatoyou
“I imagine that the OP is staggering under the weight of years (?) of complaints from a well-meaning but clueless friend.”
“Some of us can get by with eye-rolls and occasional prods to glance at reality.”
“The OP didn’t say anything for a long time.”
“You’re right, the offer to help was made out of kindness, but the OP was looking for the friend to get a clue, not hand over a wallet.” ~ No-Morning-9018
“Agree. Also, OP mentions her friend has debt.”
“They could be putting all their holidays and extras on credit to keep up appearances and were ok making those payments before but now that inflation is hitting everyone they’re starting to feel it.”
“Otherwise why is the husband taking the bus if gas is so expensive?”
“Friend may actually be in a worse situation since it sounds like OP can at least pay all their bills just nothing much left for extra after.” ~ Intelligent-Panda-33
“I’m not sure if i’d even put soft in front of YTA.”
“Being rich nowadays requires people to have an excess of cash.”
“Her friend seems to be upper middle class, which is still worlds away from rich. It doesn’t take much to realize that almost everyone in the country is having a difficult time right now.”
“I think that it is a bit disingenuous of OP to claim to know how ‘rich’ her friend is but not recognize that she actually has no idea what their finances really look like.”
“Sure, they go on trips and have a nice flat, but that doesn’t mean that they have tons of money in their savings.”
“It doesn’t mean they don’t have money tied up in things that are unaccessible.” ~ pinklemonaid396
“YTA. I understand your frustration.”
“I’ve been around people like her, too.”
“But, you should’ve explained to her nicely your perspective and how her complaints made you feel instead of vilifying her ‘ignorance.'”
“She sounds like she’d understand you based on your story.”
“And, inflation does affect everyone. It’s a b***h.” ~ nutsureyet
“YTA. I cannot stand people who play the trauma Olympics.”
“Unless you have seen their bank statements and bills and investments and everything else, you really have no idea what their financial situation is.”
“It just sounds like you are jealous that they do all of this stuff when you can’t.”
“It sucks that you are having financial troubles, but that doesn’t mean that her financial struggles are any less stressful.”
“And for you to minimize and disregard her feelings makes you a bad friend.” ~ TieFew8487
“Same. It’s invalidating and quite rude.”
“OP has poor boundaries and communication and she’s making this her friends issue.”
“If she felt uncomfortable hearing about her friends money issues, it’s an easy fix to say that and end the conversation.”
“It’s not the friends job read OPs mind like this.”
“OP, next time just say ‘Im not very comfortable hearing about your financial issues at the moment because I’m doing through a tough time too. Let’s switch the topic.'”
“Then you’d never have to hear about it again.”
“YTA by the way.” ~ Lookatthatsass
“YTA. She is too privileged to see your point?”
“Nahhh, you’re too envious to see how you are wrong.” ~ Puzzleheaded-Big1680
Well OP, Reddit understands your dilemma but has some issues.
Maybe a conversation with a little more finesse will help.
Everybody has troubles, let’s deal together.