Home decor can be a very personal process for many people.
It’s lovely when loved ones have good intentions and want to help decorate.
But sometimes, there can be a lot of overstepping.
This situation can lead to a lot of chaos.
Redditor WeHateIceland wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for throwing out my pushy G[irl]F[riend]’s father’s things from our house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, let’s start with some background.”
“I have been living with my girlfriend for about 2 years now.”
“About 8 months ago, we decided to get a house together, with a marriage to follow soon after.”
“The house is considerably closer to her parent’s house than our old apartment.”
“On the day we moved in, her father brought us a mezuzah for the front door to put outside.”
“I am not Jewish and neither is she, we are both Christians who don’t attend church.”
“He is the only Jewish one, and he converted to Judaism from Christianity.”
“We tried to tell him that it wouldn’t really make sense for us to hang it, but he insisted that we needed to.”
“It got close to an argument.”
“Since then, he has brought many more Jewish religious items into our house and insisted we keep them.”
“Neither me nor my girlfriend were big fans, but we didn’t want to be rude.”
“He was very enthusiastic.”
“As of a few weeks ago, most of the house was decorated with Jewish imagery, and he was still bringing more.”
“I didn’t want to say anything directly, and neither did my girlfriend.”
“We wanted to avoid awkward confrontation.”
“I’ve repeatedly told him as nicely as I can that neither of us is Jewish and that we don’t need these items.”
“Over time, I began to get feelings of anxiety.”
“About two weeks ago, I had an extended feeling of being trapped.”
‘A house that me and my girlfriend paid for was being decorated in a way we didn’t want, and we had no recourse that wouldn’t cause problems.”
“I got very upset thinking about how it was supposed to be our house to decorate.”
“My girlfriend had planned such a nice aesthetic, and all these things from her father were impeding it.”
“So I took a few trash bags, threw everything in them, and put them on the curb.”
“Trash pickup was the next day, and now it’s all gone.”
“For a few days, I felt so relieved.”
“It felt like the house was ours again.”
“Then he visited.”
“He immediately questioned where everything was, and we got into a verbal fight when I explained what I had done.”
“It was brief and ended when he stormed out of the house.”
“My girlfriend stayed out of the argument.”
“Since then, he has not visited.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. Shoving religion onto someone else is never cool.”
“Clearly, he missed a thing or two on his conversion journey because the whole ‘spreading the religion to others’ thing, is a distinctly Christian thing.”
“It is not at all acceptable in Judaism to attempt to convert anyone.”
“So not only is he being disrespectful to you, he’s also being disrespectful to the religious principles that are supposed to be so important to him.” ~ JustheBean
“NTA, Religious zealots can be unreasonable.”
“This isn’t entirely about ‘decor.'”
“Besides it being unattractive to you, it’s more about having visible symbols of a religious methodology that you don’t share and don’t want in your home.”
“Perhaps you could have just bagged it all up and put it aside instead of destroying everything.”
“Though what you did certainly put a hard stop to any more of this intrusive behavior.” ~ MaterialMonitor6423
“You’re old enough to buy a home and plan a wedding then you’re old enough to stop this in its tracks.”
“The mezuzah was the door you left open.”
“Close it. Hard.”
“Let F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw] know he will be denied any future privileges if he doesn’t back off.”
“No wedding invite, no visit with grandkids, nothing.”
“It’s your house, FFS!!!!”
“Act like it.”
You’re NTA but set some hard boundaries and let FIL decide where he wants to stand.” ~ BetAlternative8397
“NTA. It’s your home, not a cultural display shelf.”
“Respecting someone’s beliefs doesn’t mean turning your doorway into their personal statement.”
“You set a boundary, not a bonfire ☺️.” ~ Secret-LittleS**t
“NTA… forcing your religion on someone is not good, forcing your religion items on someone else is even worse.”
“The house is yours and your GF, and you two are the only ones who can decide on what goes in the house and how it is decorated.”
“If you wanted to be petty and prove a point you could start taking Christian items over to his house, and giving them to him, and start decorating his house with those items, see how he reacts to it.”
“And when he says something, simply say this is what you were doing to us, even when we nicely told you we did not want those items, that we are not Jewish, and you trying to force them on us, is unacceptable.”
“But really your GF needs to sit her dad down and talk to him herself and set boundaries.” ~ Whiskey_girl_81
“NTA. Your space is YOUR SPACE and you definitely get a say in what goes in it.”
“The father probably thinks he’s helping in some way, but set your boundaries, please.”
“It does no one any good to bottle those feelings.”
“From the sound of things, it came very close to doing real damage to you and possibly your relationship, so kudos to you for taking that step to retake your home from the father like that.” ~ Greedy_Prune_7207
Nope NTA. It’s your place and your girl’s.”
“Her Dad has no business telling you what to decorate the house like and also thrust his new religious beliefs on the two of you over your own beliefs, which he knows aren’t aligned with his.”
“I suggest going L[ow] C[ontact] to N[o] C[ontact] with the guy and waiting for his apology then going from there.”
“And if he doesn’t apologize, don’t you dare do it because he steamrolled you and your partner’s boundaries, so neither of you have a reason to apologize for a damn thing.”
“And please make sure she knows that too, even if it’s from a random Reddit stranger.” ~ Outrageous_Sink_6965
“NTA. Your FIL is ridiculous for forcing a house full of religious crap on the two of you.”
“Even if you were Jewish, it’d be your choice how to observe and what symbols you want to display in your own home.”
“But frankly your girlfriend is an @ss too for not confronting her own father and leaving you to deal with him alone.” ~ Reptyle216
“Most definitely NTA.”
“He is the AH in this story.”
“However, I think there is a valuable lesson for you and your girlfriend in there.”
“You need to learn how to say no and stand by your boundaries before things get out of hand.”
“Had you said ‘no but thank you for the thought’ to the mezuzah, in a polite way, and explained that you will not use it or any other religious paraphernalia (and followed through), this probably wouldn’t have gotten to the point of impacting your mental health.”
“Don’t try to argue, state your boundary, explain it, and stand firm. “
“Take the gift, say thanks, that’s a nice gift, and put it away in a closet.”
“I get that it’s not an easy thing to do.”
“But letting it go means that you will suffer and that when you finally have enough to put your foot down, it will be worse.” ~ pimpampoumz
“Sounds like you solved the problem. NTA.”
“I understand not wanting to cause issues but it was already an issue and it’s you who was suffering from it, not him.”
“You sent a clear message without the confrontation.”
“You told him you didn’t need it, next time, you tell him you don’t want it if he tries again.” ~ Cosmicshimmer
“Sometimes you have to have uncomfortable awkwardness.”
“Prior to this argument, you were prioritizing his feelings over your own. NTA.” ~ HappySummerBreeze
“NTA – It’s your house, not the father’s.”
“Plus they aren’t ‘your GF’s father’s things,’ he got them for your house, so you’re well in your right to do what you want with it.”
Considering it seems your girlfriend didn’t want this stuff either, throwing it away is fine.” ~ RandomRamblings99
“NTA, but you sound old enough that you should have developed a spine by now. “
“You have no one to blame but yourself.”
“Say something; otherwise, this sort of thing happens.”
“You will continue being ignored and taken advantage of until YOU do something about it.” ~ Ninjorp
Some Redditors had a differing opinion…
“ESH. Your FIL sucks for not respecting your boundaries.”
“You suck for allowing it for weeks to avoid an argument, only to throw everything away and have it result in just as big of an argument.”
“‘I appreciate the thought, but no thank you’ is ok.”
“Letting him bring all that crap over to throw it away seems ruder than saying no in the first place.” ~ makethatnoise
“Jeez, one would think you weren’t adults or something.”
“What are you going to do when a friend brings you statues of Baphomet for your entryway?”
“You should have said no the first time and every time after.”
“Practice saying no politely.”
“‘Thank you, but that is not our style, we will not use it, please take it home with you.'”
“ESH, all of you.”
“Just address things quickly and directly instead of letting someone run you over and then having a tantrum.” ~ ImpossibleReason2204
“ESH. You and your GF should have been very firm from the beginning that no you wouldn’t be adding any of these items to your house and never should have accepted anything.”
“Some people will take throwing out or destroying religious items very seriously.”
“He could feel really distraught by what happened.”
“I think you should have packed everything up and taken them back to your GF’s father or told him that they would all be donated if he didn’t come and pick them up by X date.”
“It’s possible you’ve destroyed the relationship with him.”
“You might be okay with that but if not then you’ll have to address this in some way.” ~ blueswan6
Most of Reddit is with you, OP.
This is your home.
Your home, your rules.
The decor is up to the people who actually live there.
It sounds like your GF needs to have a serious conversation with her father about boundaries.
Good Luck.