For those of us who have attended a few weddings in our lifetime, we’ve more than likely attended one or two that felt like a bit of a flop.
Let’s be honest, the celebration isn’t always that great for the people outside of the wedding party, shrugged the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor WestImpossible6901 took it upon themselves to point out their distaste at the untraditional wedding they recently attended when they became sick of their sister-in-law bragging about how great it had been.
But when they were called out for their honesty, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they crossed over from “helpful and honest” to “just plain rude.”
They asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my brother’s wife that their wedding was not that good?”
The OP recently attended their brother’s wedding.
“My brother and his wife got married two weeks ago.”
“His wife is one of those people who love KPop and as you guessed, much of the music at the wedding involved KPop.”
“We come from traditional Balkan families (both sides) and we expected some traditions to be honored, traditional music, foods, and practices.”
The OP was very disappointed in the wedding planning.
“My brother didn’t care about all that and his wife was completely against it as well. We barely danced any traditional dances at all.”
“Despite that, our side of the family tried to make the most out of it and we tried to have fun.”
“The bride’s family on the other hand was boring. They were very snobbish, barely getting up to interact with people as if they were better than everyone.”
“They did have fun with their friends as they said, but family-wise, the wedding was a disaster for the rest of us and not enjoyable in the slightest.”
The OP didn’t get why their Sister-in-Law (SIL) was so happy with how it turned out.
“My SIL kept bragging about how perfect her wedding was and how much fun she had. Anyone could hear that and think it was the event of the year.”
“I just couldn’t stand her making a fool of herself and I decided to be honest.”
“And I told her, ‘Hey, since nobody’s going to be honest with you, I will be. The wedding was not that good or special. It was different but not in a good way. Stop going around bragging about your successful wedding planning when both families dreaded every second of it. It’s embarrassing.'”
The family felt the OP should have kept their mouth closed.
“My brother cursed me out and told me I was out of line and demanded I apologize.”
“I said I’m not apologizing for my honest opinion.”
“His wife then tried to defend her stance by saying how much fun she had, my brother had, and how her friends adored it and said it’s the best wedding they’ve attended.”
“I told her that they should attend one of those KPop events then but not plan a wedding.”
“But I realized I might have been out of line after my mom called me to scold me for saying those words.”
“She said I was right but it’s not something I should say out loud and hurt people’s feelings.”
“I tried to tell her I was just trying to be honest because nobody else would and everyone just let her make a fool of herself.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the most important thing was that the bride and groom had a good time.
“YTA. She enjoyed her wedding, that’s what is important. You sound incredibly rude. She wasn’t making a fool out of herself, grow up.” – lihzee
“It’s not just all on the bride.”
“It sounds as if the groom was happy, as well, and was involved in planning the wedding.”
“He may not like his family’s ‘traditions’ and has actively looked for ways to do a very different wedding!”
“When first mentioning the family traditions, OP says her brother ‘didn’t care about all that.’ So why would those traditions, that he doesn’t care about, be incorporated into his wedding?”
“His feelings about those traditions may be stronger than just ‘not caring’ about them, but, if he’s a polite person, he won’t push that point, because he’d be doing to all of the family members who did follow those traditions exactly what OP did to his wife.”
“OP is being a bit sexist to blame this all on the bride’s choices because it didn’t follow the traditions of the groom’s family. The groom has no obligation to like or follow his family’s traditions, or to try to impose them on the wedding if he doesn’t like them.” – Jazzlike_Humor3340
“OP sounds like the snobbish one, like, ‘at least I honor family traditions!’ and all that, like that somehow makes her better than her brother and SIL.” – hello-mr-cat
“It seems there is definitely a recurring theme by people with very elaborate cultural wedding traditions who expect weddings to be this way, and the people actually getting married (probably so over it and tired of the old fashioned weddings they’ve been to 100 times) wanting it a totally new and different way.”
“The people who want all the songs and dances and specific foods and speeches and god only knows what else – that is awesome, do that at your own wedding. However I can’t fault people who are eager to take it all in a totally different direction that pleases themselves, that reflects their individuality and not some set of old fashioned requirements.” – spaetzle
“They had the wedding they liked.”
“And the other side of the family wasn’t ‘snobbish.’ Some families are simply quieter than others. They probably considered your family to be loud and pushy.”
“Fun doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes sitting and talking quietly is how people enjoy themselves.”
“And it is always rude to say you didn’t like someone’s wedding. It’s a one-time thing, they can’t fix it, they don’t have to plan it to your tastes in weddings, and all you can do is ruin their memories of their special day.” – Jazzlike_Humor3340
“Kpop? That’s nothing. I’ve been to a full pirate wedding. On a pirate ship.”
“And a burlesque wedding which was f**king awkward. And many many cultural weddings in other languages where I didn’t know what the f**k was happening. You embrace the mystery! You relax and have fun.”
“Jeez, some people hate other people enjoying themselves in a way they wouldn’t themselves.” – Dark_fascination
Others also doubted that the OP had good intentions with their honesty.
“I look forward to the day where, as a society, we learn that ‘I was just being honest’ or ‘It’s just my opinion’ are not excuses to say whatever you want without repercussions.”
“Being honest or giving your opinion (especially when it’s negative) when no one asked for it is just being mean.”
“It’s okay to have an opinion, and then lock it up inside your head. And honesty isn’t a virtue when it’s done with the intention to hurt.” – macaroniandmilk
“Before he cuts that umbilical cord, he should take a moment and listen to his mother. She’s exactly right: some things can be true, but you still shouldn’t say them out loud and hurt people’s feelings.”
“Is OP 5? Because that’s when most of us learn that lesson.” – EllySPNW
“Similarly, I use ‘no offense’ in the dumbest way to try and make fun of how stupid a term it is.”
“Like, ‘No offense, but I really like tea,’ or ‘No offense, but it’s a beautiful day.'”
“Stuff that people actually can’t be offended by. It’s nice to see people happy you aren’t saying something horrible.”
“Saying something like, ‘No offense, but you look fat in those clothes,’ is just using it as an excuse to be a pr**k.” – Disastrous-Glove4889
“Three questions you should always ask yourself when you’re saying something that might be controversial: Is it honest? Is it necessary or helpful? Is it kind?”
“Sadly, OP seems to have thought it was necessary. Because the bride was ‘making a fool of herself’ for thinking that her wedding was enjoyable, apparently.”
“I’m sure OP hasn’t even considered the fact that if the bride and groom had the traditional wedding OP expected, then the bride and groom would likely have been miserable at their own wedding.”
“But that wouldn’t have mattered to OP. YTA OP!” – toketsupuurin
“OP sounds like the kind of guest that would have hated on WHATEVER the couple chose to do with their wedding.”
“Like it or not, OP, that woman is now your sister-in-law, and you have revealed yourself to be an unkind person. Don’t be surprised if your brother and SIL start going low or no contact with you.” – SiroccoDream
While the OP felt like giving their feedback was a necessity, the subReddit urged them to sit back down and allow the happy couple to be, well, happy.
If their wedding day wasn’t all the OP ever dreamed, they could magically have this do-over called “the OP’s wedding day” sometime in the future.