It may only happen a few times in our lives that we prepare for an event that feels particularly special to us, so it only makes sense that we would treat ourselves and dress accordingly.
But there unfortunately might be people in our lives who want what we have and will pressure us to give it to them, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AITA22223 had gotten herself her absolute dream dress for her wedding the year before, and it was everything she had hoped for in a dress.
So when her in-laws insisted on her sharing the dress for her sister-in-law’s prom, the Original Poster (OP) was completely taken aback.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not letting my sister-in-law (SIL) wear my wedding dress to prom?”
The OP wore a beautiful dress for her wedding.
“I (25 Female) got married to my husband (24 Male) a year ago.”
“He has a sister (16 Female).”
“I went a little non-traditional with my dress. I got a big light yellow dress and a beautiful strappy top with lace.”
“The dress was gorgeous, and of course very expensive. This was definitely my dream dress.”
Her in-laws were struggling to find a prom dress for her 16-year-old SIL.
“His family isn’t particularly well-off, but they’re certainly not poor or lower income.”
“So when they told me at a family dinner that they were having trouble finding an affordable dress for her, I was a little surprised, but gave suggestions like looking at eBay, Goodwill’s website, etc.”
“In my younger days, I did pageants, and we always resold the dress after at a good discount.”
“They told me they looked but didn’t find anything they like.”
“I told them I hope ‘the dress’ would come up soon.”
The OP later felt cornered by an idea the in-laws had.
“Two weeks passed and we get invited to dinner again at their house.”
“We showed up and immediately his sister starts moping. I assume she had a bad day at school and sat down to eat.”
“Then my MIL explained to me she was upset because Prom was in 3 days and she still had no dress. I expressed my condolences and told her that I could maybe help her have some last looks around.”
“That’s when MIL said, ‘Oh, I have an idea, OP, why don’t you let your SIL wear your yellow dress? I could probably get it tailored in time.'”
“My SIL immediately perked up, and I felt like I was ambushed.”
“I looked to my husband, but he just shrugged.”
“I politely told them I was sorry, but the dress was very special to me, and also SIL and I are quite different sizes. It would fall off her.”
“MIL then told me she knows a ‘wonderful seamstress’ who could make it fit.”
“This really upset me, so I asked her, ‘What if I ever want to try it on again? it wouldn’t fit me. Even if I lost weight, my bust would never fit in a dress tailored to fit her.'”
“SIL ended up bursting into tears, I’m not sure if it was because of me saying no or me talking about our bodies.”
The family lashed out at the OP.
“My husband and I ended up leaving early. He was very upset with me for not sharing the dress but said ultimately it was my decision.”
“His family, on the other hand, was livid with me.”
“They went radio silent until I saw a post of SIL on Facebook in a beautiful blue dress. I commented saying I’m glad she got a dress, she looked great, and I hope she had a good time.”
“Then I got a comment back asking me for my portion of the dress.”
“They have now told my husband that I am responsible for either reselling the dress and getting them half back since I have experience with that, or to help pay for half.”
“I told them that was ridiculous, but my husband told me to just do it.”
“I told him I’m not going to be pushed over, and he ended up leaving for three days to his mom’s.”
“Now I am no longer invited to family dinners or functions, and they only have nasty things to say about me. Saying I almost ruined her prom night.”
“Should I have just let her wear the dress, or at the very least helped them sell it? At this point since my husband isn’t even on my side, I don’t know.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the family was being incredibly unfair and entitled.
“I have never heard of anyone so entitled that they expected a woman to give away her wedding dress to a teenager for freaking prom.”
“And then have the nerve to inform her that she has to pay up for the dress they bought? What the f**k?!”
“The fact that your husband didn’t have your back speaks volumes too. This whole d**n family sucks. Time to find a new one that respects you. NTA.” – Birony88
“I think they honestly expected her to ‘get the hint’ at the first dinner and offer the dress herself. THEN waited for the time crunch to go at it again.”
“I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if SIL mentioned liking and wanting the dress at or around the time of the wedding an entire year ago.”
“Potentially along with her and MIL being snarky about how a yellow dress looks more like a prom dress anyway than a ‘real’ wedding dress.” – inkpaperdream
“That ambush was totally planned. Mom’s got a seamstress, in the middle of prom season, that she ‘knows’ can whack a dress in half in 3 days?!? Yeah, because she had already called and asked.”
“Daughter launches into a full pout when she arrives? Ugh. I can’t stand this family already!”
“Also, his mom referring to it as her ‘yellow dress’ vs her ‘wedding dress’ tells me she never felt it was an appropriate wedding gown and it’s just a dress.”
“I read this to my husband. His eyes popped when I told him the husband’s reaction. His advice: ‘Tell them all to go f**k themselves.'” – SheMcG
“AND it was your wedding dress!!!!!! They are entitled jerks.”
“And why would you be responsible for recouping money on the dress? That’s ridiculous. I suppose your husband could volunteer his time!”
“I would be very concerned about the way your husband rolled over and did not support your rational normal position.”
“Protect yourself and your assets. Keep things in your name and lock down important items or keep them somewhere secure from husband and family.” – bleugirl12
“NTA. What would even make them think they could ask you to give them your dress? It would basically be hers at that point because it would be tailored to her, not you.”
“I’m sure you would have been happy to help them sell it after she was done with if they hadn’t gotten so p**sy with you, but after the way they acted towards you, I wouldn’t blame you for not helping them.” – IHateCamping
Others were concerned about the OP staying with this entitled family.
“NTA at all. Even if it wasn’t your wedding dress, it’s still your dress and you have no obligation to even loan it out, much less give it away permanently.”
“It makes sense to feel weird because ‘no one is on your side,’ but it’s only this one-sided because it’s entirely his family and they clearly have issues.”
“If his solution to them being upset is ‘just give them what they want,’ and his solution to himself being upset is ‘run away to moms for three days,’ these are some serious red flags, and you might reconsider your future plans with this dude.” – Jon_Jraper
“They are super entitled and set up this plan from the beginning. To expect someone to give you their item simply because you want it is absurd.”
“That your husband doesn’t stand up for you is also absurd. Staying with mommy dearest and giving you the silent treatment until you give in to their bullying…”
“OP, you’ve only wasted a year on this momma’s boy and his ridiculous family. I’d cut your losses now rather than looking back in 10 years, knowing this was the first sign that you should have run.” – JustKindaHappenedxx
“Greedy grubby graspers never get better. The entire family is full of boors and the husband has tipped his hand on how he’s all about exploiting people too.”
“NTA and reevaluate whether you’re up for a life filled with these ingrates.” – lschmeiser
“I’d be telling MIL she can pay for half of the divorce because h**l no.”
“These people are toxic and your husband will 100% always choose them over you. I bet he was in on it from the beginning.”
“His mom told him sis wanted the dress and they set up two chances for you to offer it, and when it didn’t happen, MIL got an ‘idea,’ and hubby told you to do it.”
“None of this is ok. He will always tell you to do what she says and give you the silent treatment when you don’t. What happens when you have kids and you don’t want to hand them over to MIL? Run, honey.” – tink630
“OP needs to quit engaging in any conversation about this. She said no, she’s said no again, and that’s that.”
“Don’t instigate any conversation at all with the inlaws until some apologies are made. And there will be no apologies.”
“Just wear the dress to the divorce hearing.” – CaRiSsA504
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“I tried to talk to MIL after getting some confidence from these comments.”
“Basically, she brushed it all off and still demanded I do what she told me to (to either sell it or help pay for it) because I’m ‘family’ and that’s what family does.”
“But she also said she (my sister-in-law) would have looked much better in it than I did, and that I just didn’t let her have the dress out of jealousy.”
“I am honestly speechless right now.”
The OP’s second update took an unfortunate turn.
“My MIL saw ‘The Mirror’ article that was made about this post after another family member sent it to her.”
“My husband and I fought because of me ‘publicly shaming’ his family.”
“I told him I’m wanting to separate.”
“Please do not message me regarding my separation. This has become a private matter. Thank you for helping me see how terrible they are being.”
Though it was unfortunate that this all happened over a dress for prom, the subReddit was likely relieved that the OP was removing herself from an inevitably toxic environment before it could get worse.