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Woman Asks If She Was Wrong To Request Money From Date After He Crapped His Pants In Her Car

Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

A date gone bad isn’t always because of a personality clash.

Sometimes, bad things happen. But the prospect of a future with a new love interest depends on how they deal with the aftermath.

Redditor Ok_Material_Girl is a 19-year-old woman who thought she kept her cool when her Tinder date–whom she happened to know from high school–went south.

She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for venmo requesting $ from a tindr date after he crapped in my car?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“A couple weeks ago I went on a tindr date with a guy who I knew from hs. We were mutual acquaintances before this, and when we matched on tindr we agreed to meet up.”

“I picked him up at 7 & we went and got some food, after that we drove to some secluded place so we could talk with extra privacy (leave it up to the imagination). Anyway, around 10:30 he starts to complain about his stomach hurting.”

“I ask him if he wants to leave and he says no and kind of blows it off for a little bit. Around 11 he says he really needs to use the bathroom.”

“I wasn’t sure what to do because we were in a very secluded area, and I wasn’t familiar with. He tells me that there is a gas station about 15 minutes away from us and asks me to ‘step on it.'”

“I leave and drive as fast as I can, but it’s very dark & I don’t know my way around, and he is becoming more frantic (visibly sweating, breathing heavy.) At one point I ask if I should pull over because going in the woods is better than nothing, but he swears he can make it.”

“Unfortunately, he misses telling me to take a turn somewhere and we get lost and I have to turn around and it’s still probably like 10 more minutes according to him.”

“Then he gets very pale and yells at me to pull over, and I stop as fast as I can, but when I do he doesn’t get out of the car. He just sits, very resigned. At that point I understood it was too late.”

“We both sat there in silence for a little bit. I really wasn’t sure what to say to make him feel better, and I was also feeling a little sick from the whole thing (the smell).”

“Eventually I just offered to take him home and tried to act nonchalant. He agreed so I drove us home.”

“He also tells me that he will reimburse me for getting my car cleaned. I felt bad, because of course it wasn’t his fault, accidents happen so I offered to split the cost 50/50 and we never talk about again.”

“I also told him, if he wants, I’d like to try a second date since this one turned out so…yeah. He thanked me and we parted ways.”

“I got my car detailed and sent him a text letting him know everything went well but I didn’t get a response. I waited for another week and tried texting him again like ‘hey, did you see my text?’ and again he didn’t respond.”

“I went on tindr to try and message him there, but I saw he had unmatched me. So it was pretty clear after that he had ghosted me.”

“I was pretty pissed ngl, cuz I thought I was chill about the whole situation. It’s cool if he didn’t want to see me again, but he could have still kept up his end of the deal. I went looking for his instagram to try and message him there and when I find I see he had his venmo in his bio.”

“I decide to venmo request. In the description I put the poop emoji, the pointer finger, and my car. Surprisingly, I get a quick response. He sends the money, but he also texts me pissed because he said his friend would be able to see what I put and would probably put 2 and 2 together.”

“I told him I wouldn’t have done it if he wouldn’t have ghosted me. AITA?”

Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was no the a**hole in the situation.

“NTA. Someone sh*ts you in your car, they pay to get it cleaned. I’m sure he was mortified and never wanted to see you again, but that didn’t absolve him of the responsibility to pay for his mess.” – NUT-me-SHELL

“NTA – I get that he was embarrassed but really that was partly hush money and needs to be paid on time and in full.”

“You were very kind in how you dealt with it, he has nothing to worry about as you seem like a decent person even if he would rather forget the incident and pretend you don’t even exist rather than facing the memory of it.” – redcore4

“Omg. NTA. All things considered, you were remarkably understanding. The emojis don’t prove anything and he can tell his friend whatever.”

“The only way the friend might know without a doubt what it means is if the guy has a history of this. Even if that’s the case, you gave him several chances to leave earlier and he didn’t. He deserves what he gets, especially for ghosting you.” – AshesB77

“NTA Omg you are such a sweet person for the way you handled this. Offering a second date? Paying half the cleaning fee? I could never. You’re a kind soul.”

“He can control the settings of his Venmo to private if he is worried about it. Better yet, he could have been an adult and kept his word about paying you back in the first place.” – yikesyikes777

“NTA. It may have been ‘an accident,’ but you gave him plenty of warning to get to a bathroom before it became urgent, plus he could have done a bear and sh*t in the woods. I hate him so much right now, that’s so rude.” – Glittercorn111

Overall, Redditors thought he subjected himself to possible ridicule when he tried getting out of reimbursing her for his half of the cleaning bill as was discussed.

Redditors also said his friends probably wouldn’t have interpreted the OP’s Venmo description as literal unless he volunteered that information to friends who may have questioned it.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo