Sharing DNA doesn’t always mean people are “family.”
In fact toxic DNA is often the reason people go out in life and create their own “families,” made of friends and lovers.
Some of the people that share familial ties through blood don’t have the best of intentions.
And that can lead to some harsh decisions and actions later in life.
Redditor Alternative_File408 wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not allowing my aunt to meet my son?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (45 M[ale]) got married late in life and my wife and I had our first child (1 M).”
“We live in a separate state from the rest of my family and visit maybe once a year.”
“Growing up, my father’s sister (69 F[emale]) made my life a living hell for some reason.”
“She would be in my much older brother’s ear about how my parents preferred me over him.”
“She would tell my parents that I would end up just like her juvenile delinquent daughter.”
“Now that I’m an adult, she now will point out if I’ve gained weight, remind me of any mistakes I’ve made in life and generally just be nasty and s**t talk me to everyone.”
“I had finally had enough during a random encounter with her while I was with a coworker.”
“My coworker was singing my praises for helping her with the transition into her new role and that I was a good friend.”
“My aunt said that couldn’t possibly be true and that I’m bad at my job and a bad person in general.”
“My coworker was appalled and asked if my aunt really was related to me.”
“Once my son was born, I put my foot down and said I would not allow this toxic relationship anywhere near my boy as I want to protect him from her bulls**t.”
“We all recently met up in my home state for a wedding and when she bee-lined to me and my son, I abruptly ignored her and went to a different part of the venue.”
“My family generally understands my feelings towards her but thought I should have taken it easy since it was a joyous family event.”
“My wife is firmly on my side.”
“I want my son to have family, especially since he’s the youngest by far, but I don’t think being family is a pass to be a prick to someone.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“Now that I’m an adult, she now will point out if I’ve gained weight, remind me of any mistakes I’ve made in life and generally just be nasty and sh*t talk me to everyone.”
“I think it’s a fair assumption that she would drip poison into your child’s ear as well.”
“That’s just who she is.”
“It’s unfortunate you’ve been exposed to her harassment.”
“Moving forward, you can make the choice to protect your son from her influence. NTA.” ~ EmploymentLanky9544
“Your entire family has failed you – your parents especially.”
“They should have protected you from her by setting boundaries and when that didn’t work, keeping her away from you.”
“They’re lucky they get you in their lives still and get to see your son.”
“I would not be so forgiving.” ~ friendly
“NTA. I only wish that your parents could have protected you the way that you’re protecting your son.”
“She sounds like an awful woman.” ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“NTA. I would block her, and if anyone questioned me about it, I would say something like, ‘I have no need in my life for someone to cut me down at every opportunity, which is the only function she has ever served for me.'”
“‘Strangers on the street who completely ignore me treat me better than she does.'”
“‘I have no desire to inflict that sort of person on my child.'” ~ auntlynnie
“I had a great-aunt like this.”
“She was never happy unless she was making someone else miserable. NTA.”
“Protect your family.” ~ Effective-Company-46
“NTA. Where are your parents in this?”
“Because they should of cut her off the moment she showed hostility towards you as a child but the thing that should of definitely motivated them to cut her off was her whispering all that rubbish in your brothers ear.”
“How can they sit back letting one of their siblings try and cause a rift between 2 of their kids.”
“I really hope they weren’t any of the family members who were telling you that you should of gone easier on her at the wedding, if they were you might want to reconsider your relationship with them because they seriously failed you as a child allowing that woman in your life.” ~ Ok-Region-8207
“NTA. My grandmother was like this.”
“I didn’t cry when she died.”
“Do whatever you have to do to protect your little family.” ~ Normal-Reward7257
“NTA. You’re doing great, actually.” ~ I_-AM-ARNAV
“Absolutely NTA.
“Good for you, honestly.” ~ dohbriste
“Simple answer to your question: No.”
“You are NTA.” ~ Reasonable_Wasabi124
“NTA. Your son doesn’t need this person in his life.”
“You have other family, and even if you didn’t, you can ‘choose’ a family.”
“When it comes to rare events like this wedding, I suggest you do what you did this time.”
“That person was nobody to your 1-year-old.”
“Babies are like magnets for old ladies.”
“By the time he’s 4, she’ll have lost all interest.” ~ 1962Michael
“You ate making a good choice.”
“Say she wasn’t family but just as nasty, your family would wonder why you put up with it.”
“So because your related your just supposed to take it?”
“And you didn’t tell her off you just avoided her.”
“I think if u ever alone you may want to let her know she’s a nasty piece of trash and to keep her distance.”
“I know where you’re coming from.”
“I had in laws that were complete jerks to me.”
“I started being a jerk back.”
“Did i feel better?”
“No, worse because it’s not who I am.”
“Maybe just ask if she enjoys making people as miserable as her?”
“And that’s if u run into her like with the colleague and she starts badmouthing you.”
“You can’t let that go unchecked.” ~ Ok-Lunch3448
“I wouldn’t want anyone like that around my child. NTA.” ~ JGalKnit
“NTA. As a parent you have one job to keep your kid safe.”
“That is what you are doing.” ~ EstimateAgitated224
“NTA… If your family REALLY understands, they should support your decision.”
“They probably should have done more to support you before it came to this point.” ~ RoyallyOakie
“NTA. Keep your child away from that venomous snake.” ~ Green_Plan4291
“NTA. You did nothing wrong.”
“You removed yourself and your son away from her.”
“You didn’t scream at her or tell he to get the f—k out of your face.”
“You don’t have to share your kid with anybody who is unpleasant towards you.” ~ Leogirl08
“NTA. being family is not a pass. a good rule of thumb to follow is if they don’t treat you well they won’t treat your offspring well either.”
“I’m sure it’s a stressful position to be in if you have limited family to pick from but take her out the pot regardless, she doesn’t need to be around your child.” ~ gtrena1300
“NTA. Protect your kid.” ~ RENOYES
“NTA. Toxic is toxic.”
“Just because there is a biological link with someone doesn’t mean you have to put up with that s**t.”
“You didn’t make a scene.”
“You walked away.” ~ mu5tbetheone
“You’re a good father for breaking that abusive cycle.”
“You know how that evil witch has affected you and you don’t want that for your son.”
“Absolutely the right thing to do. NTA.” ~ ZookeepergameOld8988
“NTA – I’d refuse to visit and would go N[o] C[ontact] for 3 months for any family member who allows her near you — your parents included.”
“One they are blocked from seeing your child – they will quickly get in line.”
“Stop tolerating this disrespect.”
“You now have some power (grandchild).”
“Use it to create healthy boundaries.” ~ DragonFireLettuce
“NTA. If you didn’t protect your son from her, what kind of father would you be?”
“It’s time your family woke up to the fact that your aunt is no one to you anymore.” ~ Deep-Okra1461
“NTA. I would argue more distance with anyone who enables her is needed.”
“It’s a hard one, because I see your point about your parents only grandchild, but your son and wife come first and its likely she’ll say similar things to them.”
“I reckon if you put the boundary in place with your parents she’ll stop showing up when you’re there and if they choose to still enable her then that’s their choice and it’s on them.” ~ ffffffudgeyou
“Ugh, I have an aunt like this.”
“The trauma she put me through affected my self esteem, damaged relationships and clouded my reputation with outsiders for my childhood because she wanted her son who was a year younger to be the ‘favorite’ child in the family.”
“My parents distanced themselves and put a firm stop to it when they found out but the damage on 7-year-old me was done.”
“I have severe anxiety and depression because of this viper.”
“100% NTA. Be Firm.”
“Your wife is awesome.”
“You are awesome.”
“Also your family sucks for not putting a stop to this earlier.” ~ CleoCarson
“NTA. I know you said you’d never go NC with your parents, but… if it comes down to them, or the safety and peace of your son… you’ll have to draw the line, especially since your toxic AF aunt comes over every time you visit them.” ~ pariah164
“NTA. She gets to reap what she’s sown, and that means she doesn’t get to have access to your kid after how she’s treated you all your life.”
“It was a wedding, you should have!”
“No. F**k off.”
“All the more reason she doesn’t get to be an ‘auntie’ to your kid, just because what?”
“It would be a faux pas?”
“Piss off, she doesn’t get to be a ‘nice’ person for an event and save face.”
“No, just no.”
“Did I mention no yet?”
“Cuz no.” ~ 3DS_RepairHelp
“I was just reading an old story (Blue Bird) like this…”
“One queen can’t stand that her daughter is ugly and unlikable, while the daughter of the other queen is beautiful and kind.”
“She convinces the king to lock up the pretty daughter until her ugly daughter is married, and she spreads awful rumors about the prisoner while she can’t defend herself.”
“Tons of old stories happen in the same pattern.”
“I think your aunt was just salty that her spawn was underperforming.”
“She’s diverting the black sheep energy from her kid onto you. NTA.” ~ OkDragonfly4098
“He isn’t going to have the chance to know her well enough if you live in another state and she is almost 70 for it to be worth losing sleep over.”
“NTA anyway – sounds like she would bad mouth you to your son if given the chance.” ~ Particular_Case80
“NTA. I have an uncle like this and my family has cut him off.”
“He won’t be invited to my wedding once that happens and will never meet my child in the future.”
“Came home from college for Christmas break and he said I was going to drop out because I dropped out of my previous course because I realized it wasn’t something I want to do.”
“We also worked at the same place and he would act like I knew nothing yet I was training everybody.”
“Stay strong OP.” ~ babjbhba
“NTA – what do you think she is going to say to your child if you let her into your lives?”
“Even just the side line.”
“Cut her out, and keep your kid far away.”
“If you need to dwindle down your family to protect him, then do so.” ~ Serrated_Seeker
“Nope. NTA.”
“Aunt wants to play sh*tty games?”
“Whelp, here’s her prize.”
“Good on you OP for putting your foot down.”
“It’s hard when it’s family, but necessary.”
“Stay firm!” ~ MegsyMegsy321
“NTA. Babes.”
“Your entire family failed you by allowing your aunt to treat you that way.”
“You would be well within your rights to cut them all off to protect your peace.”
“As well as your son’s peace.” ~ Resting*itchFace0613
OP came back with a few updates…
“A few folks have asked how I could have run into my aunt while with my coworker if I live in a different state.”
“I was living in the same state when that happened.”
“I have since moved several states away.”
“Thank you to everyone that commented and helped me feel like I’m doing the right thing.”
“My family gaslights a lot and I was genuinely afraid that I was overreacting as I can be a very passionate person.”
“I’ve spoken to my father and another aunt who hold a lot of sway in the family and they have agreed to keep my toxic aunt away from me and my son.”
“They also understand if I remove myself if she inserts herself into a situation where I’m around.”
“I appreciate this community very much.”
“Thanks again.”
It’s great to hear that this worked out in your best interests, OP.
And that is all because you stood up for yourself and your family.
Stay strong going forward.
This probably won’t be easy.
Reddit is here if you need a reminder that you got this.
Good luck!