People really need to learn how to read a room when telling what they think is a joke.
Not everything is funny “just because.”
A lot of people’s feelings have been taken advantage of due to a lack of tact, just for a laugh.
And this can cause major trauma.
Case in point…
Redditor mango-galaxy wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for bailing on plans with my sister because of her boyfriend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (20 F[emale]) am an ambulatory wheelchair user.”
“I alternate between my chair and forearm crutches.”
“And sometimes even a cane to get around if my knees feel like working sufficiently that day.”
“The use of the wheelchair is pretty recent.”
“I was stubborn about using it for a while because of how people began treating me.”
“Either they babied me or they were just weirdly invasive about it.”
“I value my independence a lot and I had to learn to stand up for myself to maintain that.”
“So I’m not usually the type to just let something slide if it’s bothering me.”
“My sister Anna (25 F) started dating her boyfriend Tyler (26 M[ale]) a few months ago.”
“They live in a totally different city and we don’t really see Anna a lot.”
“So when she decided to bring Tyler home to meet our parents the other day, mom and dad asked that I come over with my boyfriend Adam (21 F[emale] T[o] M[ale]) so we could all hang out.”
“Dinner was going alright, but then Tyler made some weird joke to Adam about how lucky he must feel to have found a girl who ‘couldn’t run.'”
“Adam was very visibly uncomfortable, and I just kinda stared at Tyler in shock for a second before asking him what exactly that was supposed to mean.”
“Tyler didn’t explain the ‘joke.'”
“He said it was just guy talk, and that it wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“He even tried to get my boyfriend to back him up on it.”
“But Adam told him that what he said was f**ked up and he didn’t appreciate hearing jokes that made my disability the punchline.”
“Tyler responded by saying that if Adam really wanted to be a man, then he needed to drop that attitude and start acting the way men actually do.”
“The whole time, my parents and sister said absolutely nothing to Tyler about his behavior.”
“But when I called him an ignorant d*ck, my mom asked me to calm down and try to talk about it like an adult.”
“Adam and I grabbed our stuff and left without saying anything else to any of them.”
“I was supposed to be getting lunch with Anna the next day.”
“But I texted her before I went to bed saying that it was hurtful to watch her sit there and say nothing while her boyfriend said some shi**y things to me + Adam.”
“And I didn’t think I’d be making it to lunch anymore because I needed a minute to process it all.”
“Anna said that I was being dramatic and that blaming her for something that she didn’t even say or do to me was both unfair and incredibly childish.”
“Our mom even called me in the morning and said that I was wrong for being upset with my sister because the only person I should be mad at is Tyler.”
“Adam is 100% on my side about this.”
“And he thinks that my whole family should apologize too, not just Tyler.”
“I know my sister isn’t the one who said any of it, but she sat there and didn’t stop him, and I think my being upset and canceling on her is justified.”
“But I don’t know.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
For the most part, many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA.”
“’The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men should do nothing.’”
“It’s a popular saying for a very good reason.”
“True, your sister didn’t say anything.”
“The thing is, she also didn’t DO anything.”
“She didn’t defend her sister. She didn’t support her sister.”
“By remaining silent, she gave the impression that she actually supported Tyler and what he was saying.”
“So, even though she didn’t actually say anything, she might as well have.”
“Tell your sister (and mom) that their refusal to defend you from someone shaming you for your disability is unacceptable.”
“And until they can apologize for their ableist attitudes, they’re going to be seeing and hearing a lot less of you.” ~ virtualchoirboy
“NTA. Holy hell, that is one messed up joke – sexism and ableism all rolled up into one!”
“And then his continued sexist talk afterward.”
“I would understand if everyone was just shocked and didn’t react immediately, but reacting as if you were the problem is messed up.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
“Tyler was an AH to you and Adam, your sister and parents allowed it.”
“And they think you’re the problem here? Wow.”
“Your boyfriend sounds like a keeper for sticking up for you.”
“And you have every right to not spend time with your sister or parents until THEY apologize. NTA!” ~ jdub047
“Your BF is right. You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Your sister does and so does the rest of your family.”
“Yes, Tyler was the major AH.”
“But your sister brought him there and has some responsibility for his behavior.”
“If she knew what he was like, she should have had him agree in advance not to be an AH.”
“She didn’t.”
“If she wasn’t aware of his ableism and sexism, then she should have shut him down ASAP.”
“Again, she didn’t.”
“She washed her hands of his actions while she was the only reason he was there in the first place.”
“Your parents should have stood up for you and your boyfriend.”
“They should care enough to make sure their home is a safe and welcoming place for you.”
“They should have told Tyler what he said was unacceptable and they didn’t want to hear that in their home.”
“They didn’t.”
“But you and your boyfriend handled things well.”
“You just should have had the support of your family too.” ~ Mermaidtoo
“NTA. Your entire family sat there in silence as this guy said hurtful things to you in your parents’ home.”
“That’s totally unacceptable.”
“I have 2 adult children.”
“And if either of their partners said something like this they’d be asked to leave my home and never return.”
“I’d also have a lot to say if one of my kids sat by while their partner insulted their sibling.”
“Adam is right: your entire family owes you an apology.” ~ joanclaytonesq
“I don’t think so. NTA.”
“As a 29 M myself, if I were Adam, I would have potentially exploded on Tyler.”
“What he said was downright demeaning, toxic, disgusting, and at times makes me ashamed of what the modern toxic ‘masculinity’ has done to men.”
“I see nothing wrong in you being upset with your sister, she brought Tyler to the house, she can handle him.”
“And if she wants to stay with him, she could potentially lose you.”
“I wouldn’t put up with him personally.” ~ Woodrunner1
“NTA. What a wonderful man Adam is.”
“There should be more like him.”
“Your sister and parents just sitting there not defending you then your mom wanting to get upset when you called Tyler a d%ck.”
“They should all apologize to you and you did nothing wrong.”
“I don’t know how you feel about your family but me myself I would have nothing to say to any of them until they apologized and meant it.” ~ charlie1550
“By doing nothing, you’re coward of a sister condoned his abusive behavior.”
“Maybe he’s abusive to her and she’s afraid to speak up and if that’s the case she’s got worse trouble.”
“Tyler is an abuser.”
“He came to your family home and picked a fight with your boyfriend.”
“That may even be why he said it!”
“Trying to be the alpha male in your family.”
“I’m surprised your father didn’t throw him out of the house the second he said any of it.”
“You’ve got a great guy who stood up for you.”
“You need to reevaluate your relationship w/ your folks, especially your father for allowing a stranger to abuse his daughter.”
“I don’t think you should have much to do w/ your sister while he’s in her life. Good luck.” ~ FlexibleMorality1
“NTA. Strangers being silent/complicit is one thing.”
“Family being complicit is so much worse.”
‘I have a chronic illness that effects my mobility.”
“I can use humor to cope with it, but others shouldn’t make jokes.”
“I won’t even get into the sexism.”
“In the moment, people may freeze in shock, but that moment is over.”
“They should all be apologizing.”
“Your sister brought him over.”
“It’s her responsibility to clean it up after he crapped on the floor.” ~ 2Kittens4me
Well OP, Reddit is in complete understanding with you.
It’s sad that your family couldn’t stand up for you.
Maybe some family therapy or low contact is in order.
Stay safe and good luck.