We should all be able to agree: there’s nothing wrong with having a love life.
But there’s a time and a place for dating, being intimate, and more, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ThrowRApopplebob was shocked to find out that her sister went on a date after already agreeing to babysit.
When it could have led to a dangerous situation for her daughter, the Original Poster (OP) decided a firm boundary needed to be established.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for banning my sister from seeing my daughter after she took her to a Tinder dates house?”
The OP was close with her sister, as was her young daughter.
“Me (25 Female) and my sister ‘Lexi’ (26 Female) have a pretty good relationship.”
“Lexi is also pretty close to my daughter ‘Emily’ (4 Female). Lexi has babysat Emily several times over the years and there’s never been a problem.”
“A couple of days ago, my boyfriend and I were going out to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. Lexi offered to babysit for us and everything seemed to be set up.”
The anniversary date didn’t go as planned.
“My boyfriend and I were planning to be gone for about 8 hrs. Unfortunately, about 4 hrs into the outing, my boyfriend started to get a migraine.”
“He tried taking his regular medication, but they weren’t kicking in that much. I decided to just drop him off at home so he could relax.”
The OP was surprised when she arrived at home.
“I sent Lexi a text telling her that I was on my way home early. But after I got home, I noticed that Lexi’s car wasn’t in my driveway.”
“I went inside and called out for Lexi and Emily. They were nowhere in the house, so I immediately called Lexi.”
“After I called her 4 times, she finally picked up the phone.”
“I started yelling and demanded to know where the h**l she was!”
“She said we would talk after she got back to my house.”
This led to an argument.
“About 20 minutes later, Lexi and Emily showed up and I put Emily to bed. After Emily was sound asleep, I exploded on Lexi and told her to start talking!”
“She told me that she was chatting with a random guy from Tinder and he asked her to come over.”
“She said that she knew Emily would just sleep the whole time, so she agreed to come over.”
“She said that everything was fine, Emily just ate some snacks and went to sleep in the guy’s spare bedroom.”
“I completely lost it! I cussed her out and told her that she was a f**king idiot!”
“I asked her how she could do something so reckless?”
“She got mad and told me it wasn’t a big deal, she would never let anything happen to Emily.”
“I told her that she had no right to take my daughter to a random guy’s home.”
“She said that she can ‘read people,’ and she knew that this guy wouldn’t hurt anybody.”
The OP decided to take the next step.
“I told her that she was nuts and she put my daughter in God knows how much danger.”
“I told her that I can no longer trust her and that I never wanna speak to her again! I also told her that she’s never allowed to see Emily again.”
“She started crying and said that I’m overreacting to the whole thing.”
“I told her that I paid her to protect my daughter, not endanger her so she could go have fun. She continued to cry and beg, but I eventually kicked her out.”
“My Mom says that even though Lexi messed up big time, I still overreacted. My Mom says that I should reconsider separating Lexi and Emily because they’re family.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the sister was incredibly irresponsible with her niece.
“This sweet baby could have been in great danger and this is such an astounding lack of judgment on her part, I would question how safe the child is with her in any case. NTA x 1000.” – bettegreene
“If the guy had asked the sister if she wanted a drink (Alcoholic or not) and slipped her a date-rape drug, she wouldn’t know until it’s far too late. Then she would have been incapable of protecting the 4-year-old or ‘never letting anything happen to her.'”
“There is ALWAYS some inherent degree of risk we take as women when we meet up with men we don’t know. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to do it. But it DOES mean it’s wrong to ever consider imposing that risk on a child, let alone someone else’s child!!!” – GooseMarmalade
“Who knows if she would have told them at all if she hadn’t been caught. If she hadn’t been caught, this may have happened repeatedly until something bad happened to 4F.”
“OP is NTA for cutting the sister off and protecting her child.” – VivaciiousValkyriie
“It’s so incredibly reckless that it makes me think this isn’t the first time auntie takes her little niece on dates.”
“She obviously got away with it before and since nothing bad happened she confidently took off with the niece again, thinking her sister wouldn’t find out.”
“I doubt she would ever have mentioned it if she wasn’t caught.” – Moe-Fo
“Who the actual F**K thinks it is appropriate to take a 4yo child to the house of a man they just met on tinder??? I wouldn’t even have tinder people over to my house if my daughter was home.”
“NTA, she put your daughter in danger and thinks it+s no big deal. Of course she shouldn’t be allowed to see her again!” – leftytrash161
Others agreed with going no-contact with the sister.
“Separating them because they’re family – it’s never a punishment to be deprived of the company of someone who puts you in potential danger.”
“‘Random off Tinder.’ The 4-year-old could have been the reason she was invited over and he just hadn’t had a chance to do anything yet.”
“Seems to me the Parents coming home early was perfect timing. How many times has this happened before- she has just never been caught. OP is NTA – of course.” – V-838
“No. This is a time when OP needs to be a parent. Not a friend or a sister. The sister chose to put a 4-year-old in a dangerous position with a stranger and chose to not tell the parents until after the fact.”
“It’s not a punishment to the child to keep them away from something or someONE who will hurt them.” – copper2copper
“This was not an overreaction. When Lexi is a mom, she may understand her stupidity. There are cemeteries filled with women who thought they could read people. She better wise up.”
“NTA. Protect your kid at all costs.” – MadScientistCoder
“NTA but OP, your sister is a major AH! This is definitely not the first time she has done this.”
“If OP’s sister wants to engage with randos on her own time, that’s fine, but not when babysitting someone else’s child! This is worse than a teenage babysitter bringing an uninvited SO to the house after being told no strangers are allowed.”
“She actually took your child out of the house without permission, brought her to a stranger’s house, and possibly put her in harm’s way. Then she did not answer her phone for at least 40 minutes, depending on how long it took from the initial text OP sent about leaving early.”
“That is unacceptable and she should absolutely never be left alone with OP’s child again.” – Acceptable_Day6086
A few suggested supervised visits instead of fully going no-contact.
“I know people who remember family they were separated from at an even earlier age. My concern is for the 4-year-old. Also, the logistics of avoiding the sister at family functions could be difficult.”
“No matter what adults say, when kids are abruptly severed from people they care about, they think it is their fault somehow.”
“My concern is that the kid isn’t hurt any more than she has to be by the situation.” – ImNotBothered80
“Her babysitting days are done. Saying ‘never see each other again’ is going too far because obviously there will be other family events in the future and the whole family shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
“But I wouldn’t be hanging out with her any time soon or ever let her watch my kid again. NTA!” – supergeek921
“I don’t know, I think she can see her again, just not be in charge of her. Like, I’m not gonna suggest OP not take her daughter to a family function if her sister is there. Just… hire a babysitter or something.”
“She doesn’t have to go no-contact over this, I don’t think. Obviously, it was braindead and reckless behavior, but the problem is easily solved by just not putting the daughter in the care of the sister.” – Shut_Up_Leonard
Everyone could agree that the sister could use Tinder and meet up with people on her own time, overlapping her dating hours with her babysitting hours was tacky. Worse, though, was potentially putting her niece in harm’s way by taking her along on the date.
If the guy she wanted to see couldn’t make any other time work than her babysitting hours, he may not be the guy for her.