No two people have the same relationship with their neighbors.
Some people instantly become great friends with their neighbors, while others barely say two words to them.
Then there are those who only come in contact with their neighbors when they are forced to confront them about the damage they are inflicting on their property.
A recent Redditor and their husband were becoming increasingly frustrated by their neighbor constantly parking her car in their driveway.
As a result, the original poster (OP) warned their neighbor that if she continued to park her car in their driveway, they would take matters into their own hands.
And much to the anger of the OP's neighbor, that's exactly what she did.
Worried that they may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for towing my neighbor's car?"
The OP explained how after they and their husband gave their neighbor three warnings about parking her car in their driveway, they finally followed through with a threat they made on how they would handle it.
"A few days ago, I came home from work and saw my neighbor's 'Lindsay' car in my driveway."
"I was confused, and I asked her very nicely to move her car, and she did."
"The day after that, my husband came home from work before I did, and he saw Lindsay's car in our driveway."
"He asked her to move her car and told her she can't do that anymore because it was not her house. He said he was polite about it, and she apologized and moved her car."
"The day after that, I saw Lindsay's car parked in my driveway again after I got home from my doctor's appointment, and my husband was working."
"I decided to ask her what's going on."
"Her: 'what do you mean?'"
"Me: 'you keep on parking your car on our driveway after we've asked you nicely not to do that. Why do you keep doing it?'"
"Her: 'I have a big camper parked on my driveway, and it takes up a lot of space. There isn't enough space to park my car.'"
"Me: 'ok, you need to figure something out because you can't park your car on our driveway anymore. It's rude, and you've already been told to stop. If you do it one more time, I'll have your car towed.'"
"She apologized to me and promised it wouldn't happen again."
"Last night, my husband and I went out for dinner."
"When we got back home, we saw Lindsay's car parked on our driveway."
"I told my husband that was it!"
"Enough is enough!"
"I'm going to tow her car because she's been warned."
"We've tried asking her nicely, and she doesn't want to listen to us."
"My husband agreed, and I towed her car right away."
"I also stuck her with the bill because it's her own fault."
"Now, she is calling me an a**hole, and she's pissed at me."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for having their neighbor's car towed.
Everyone agreed that the OP did exactly the right thing and that Lindsay had no right to be surprised or angry as she had been warned in no uncertain terms.
"NTA."
"Three warnings not to do it, last one a clear final warning 'do it again, and you get towed,' and she did it again and she got towed."
"Unless someone else is parking her car there for her and not telling her, this is all on her, and even if that's the case, none of it is on you."- Enough-Process9773
"NTA."
"She was told to move her car 3 times and warned that she'd be towed if she did it again."
"She didn't leave you with a whole lot of options if she couldn't behave herself on her own."-KaliTheBlaze
"NTA."
"If you hadn't, this would have gone on forever because the script in your neighbor's brain would have been, 'I can park my car in OP's driveway until they ask me to move it, and then I will move it'." -bobledrew
"NTA."
"She's a literal idiot that cannot comprehend basic common sense and clear instructions."-woodenpickle17
"NTA."
"She was asked many times not to park her car in your driveway yet kept doing it bc she didn't care about any inconvenience to you or your husband."
"You warned her about getting it towed if she did it again, yet she did, bc Lindsay somehow feels she's calling the shots."
"Let her be inconvenienced this time."- Monchichiboom
"NTA."
"Lindsay is a moron."- ARC2060
"NTA."
"In a lot of places, you're not supposed to leave a camper parked in the driveway for several days in a row."
"Look up your city's codes."- idontcare8587
"NTA."
"You played nice, set reasonable boundaries, and communicated them effectively."
"Tow them, bill them, and if they give you a hard time, just reinforce the very same simple boundary: 'Nothing has changed. The rule is still: Don't park in our driveway.'"- theTenebrus
"NTA."
"F*ck that sh*t."- Otherwise-Kangaroo83
"NTA."
"How many warnings did she need?"
"If she had been serious about dealing with her oversized camper, she'd have asked for permission to park a few more days and told you by when the camper would be relocated."- Individual_Ad_9213
"You told her (several times) to stop, then you told her what was going to happen if there was a next time, and now she's angry because you weren't bluffing?"
"You're NTA."- Medical-Cat-821
"NTA."
"You did it the right way."
"First, ask nicely."
"Then, not so nicely."
"Then threaten action that's still legal."
"Finally, follow through on that action."
"Normally, it's 3 strikes, and you're out."
"She got four strikes."
"NTA."- Jordan-Peterson_Fan
"NTA."
"There were always only two options here: you being a doormat and her constantly parking in your driveway, or her mad because you wouldn't be a doormat."
"You told her to stop."
"You warned her you would call for a tow."
"It is appropriate for her to pay the bill for this tow."
"If she's calling you an a**hole, it's because she's entitled, not because you did anything wrong."-Kettlewise
"NTA."
"Omg, who tf does this?"
"Well deserved if you ask me."
"Don't back down OP, and if it happens again, tow her again!"- Elephantsr4girls
"NTA, she f*cked around and found out lol."
"Kindness only goes so far with douchebags."- Conscious-Blueberry1
"NTA, she was warned this in on her, not you."- Careful_Comparison_2
"NTA."
"Hope you got outdoor cameras bc she ain't the smartest and may do something stupid."- JennaLS
"NTA she would have kept doing it because she has interpreted this as 'it's ok to park here until they ask me to move.'"
"Though, I do wonder, where is she moving the car to when you ask her to leave, and why the hell doesn't she just park there in the first place?"- SnooPets8873
"NTA."
"Why are you even questioning yourself?"- LeisurelyLife710
"Bravo!"
"Absolutely NTA."
"Lindsay sucks."
"You couldn't have been more clear in your requests. You gave her ample warning, and if she doesn't have room on her driveway, how is that your problem?"
"Should've thought of that before she bought the camper."
"Good for you!"- Similar-Sir6912
"NTA, but PLEASE post an update if you learn about what went down next after the tow!"- Consistent-Annual268
The OP returned with an update, sharing that the situation escalated after their neighbor still continued to park her car in their driveway.
"Lindsay parked her car on our driveway again."
"I wasn't home, but my husband was, and he got her car towed an hour away! "
"She left a nasty note in my mailbox again."
"It read you guys owe me a lot of money for towing fees."
"I will continue to park on your driveway until you sell your house and move!"
"I told her if she wants us to move so badly, then she is obligated to buy us a new house."
"She refused to buy us a new house, and she doesn't think we can force her to."
"I told Lindsay if she doesn't want to buy us a new house, then I have no choice but to file a police report, and the cops will see the b*tchy notes."
"She trespassed again, and I called the cops on her."
"Her car got towed immediately, and she was arrested!"
Hopefully, whatever legal consequences Lindsay will face will finally result in the message sinking in for her to stop parking her car in the OP's driveway.
As finding a new space to park her car seems like a much better alternative than a multi-thousand dollar fine, let alone jail.
But seeing as it took her this long, it still doesn't feel like a guarantee.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.