No one wants to even think about their parents passing away.
Sadly, the older we get, the more it becomes a reality, forcing us to come to terms with the aftermath of their passing.
Including their will.
While the division of assets and property is more often than not fairly uneventful, it can sometimes be a nasty experience for all involved.
Redditor First_Match_3128 and their two siblings were recently called in by their parents to discuss their will
Upon hearing how their parents intended to divide their assets, the original poster (OP) made their objections immediately known.
These objections did not sit terribly well with the OP’s parents or their siblings, the latter accusing the OP of using “reverse psychology”.
Confused by their family’s reactions, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for asking my parents not to leave me any money in their will?”
The OP explained why their parents’ decision regarding their will did not sit well with them, and how they wished they had chosen to divide their assets instead:
“My parents are only In their late sixties.”
“Hopefully they have many many years left.”
“Last year they called my siblings and I to talk about their will.”
“They want to spread everything evenly.”
“I don’t think this is fair.”
“Firstly they are still alive and active.”
“They need to take care of themselves first.”
“Secondly I don’t need their money.”
“I am a pipeline welder.”
‘I have more money than I will ever need.’
“Not bragging.”
“I have worked hard d for every cent.”
“If you think it’s easy, why doesn’t everyone do it?”
“Thirdl,y my brother and sister are greedy a**holes.”
“Let them have whatever is left after our parents are done with it.”
“I said that nicer, though.”
“I also said I want some sentimental stuff they have.”
“My grandpa’s rodeo buckles and Stetson.”
“My mom’s recipe book.”
“A copy of the family photo albums.”
“Even just scans are fine.”
“That sort of stuff.”
“I will come clean here and say the buckles are silver and gold.”
“They are also collectors’ items.”
“But I want to display them, not sell them.”
“My brother and sister think I’m playing some sort of reverse psychology game on my parents.”
“My parents seem offended that I don’t want their money.”
“I’m lost.”
“I thought being honest was a good thing.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not using “reverse psychology” on their family.
That being said, most also agreed that the OP’s parents were merely thinking of them, and it would be the noble thing for the OP to accept their money, and then perhaps give it to their siblings if they still didn’t want it:
‘My same thoughts about my parents.”
“I’m a retired union elevator mechanic on a pension, soon to start receiving SS.”
“My parents are well off, but I don’t expect anything, and my brother and sister can have it all.”
“I pretty much told them so.”
“My parents are late 70’s, early 80’s.”- doggotis1
“NTA.”
“Where’s the reverse psychology if your parents want to distribute the funds evenly in the first place?”
“Your siblings thinking that way just proves even more that they’re only worried about their self-interests and getting their slice of the pie.”
“Maybe your parents will see that, maybe they won’t.”
“Your parents can distribute their assets how they want.”
“There’s no harm in you making clear that you’re more interested in sentimental items.”
“Perhaps the ‘value’ of the items can be deducted from the cash you’d receive and it still be fair to everyone involved.”
“Also, take it from my experience, dealing with greedy family members who only think about themselves and getting money isn’t a pleasant experience.”
“Both sides of my family really showed their true colours after my grandparents died.”
“So focus on cherishing the time you have left with your parents because your siblings will 100% change once the will comes into play.”- Infinite_Hat5261
“My gran did this with her items – she started giving them away before she even became ill.”
“I’m not the wealthiest cousin, but like you, I put far more value in memories.”
“I started going through her old photos with her, putting them in an album that I said I’d keep and hold for the family (which I have, it frequently gets loaned out and brought to family gatherings).”
“It became our thing to do, and I made more lovely memories with her before she died.”
“Perhaps you could do similar?”- lazy__goth
‘It sounds like your parents want to do this for you.”
“It’s the last stage of their taking care of you.”
“Even though you don’t need the money, I think it would be kinder to accept their gift, rather than snub them.”- PassengerRelevant991
“First, a will is for when they are dead, not before then.”
“Also very smart to do this before any extreme or condition impairing events to have things squared away.”
“Handling late parents’ estates is no walk in the park if they didn’t do their due diligence prior.”
“Also notoriously brings out a really ugly side of people, like your siblings, involved.”
“Second, and third, that’s awesome you could build wealth and be that comfortably confident you need no inheritance + I’m wondering if your parents are annoyed all their hard-earned money will be going to greedy a**holes lol.”
“Your siblings are projecting.”
“Your parents are probably just confused.”
“Truthfully, I’ve never heard anyone say they didn’t want an inheritance unless it was out of some moral / martyr type motivation in extreme wealth.”
“Good on you, and enjoy those buckles!”- Airfrying_witch
“I’m in a similar position with my dad and my siblings.”
“My sister wants EVERYTHING, and she wants it NOW.”
“My brother thinks he’s clever by biding his time and then thinks he and his wife will swoop in and grab everything, and all I want (or would like) is a photo album and a lamp that’s been in the family forever.”
“My dad cannot get his head around this at all!”- Barbsayshi
“I told my dad the same thing.”
“I wanted his chainsaw and the phone number to an auctioneer.”
“We used to cut firewood together when I was a kid, and those were some of our best memories together.”
“I told him to spend the money and stop telling me what he will do someday and start telling me what he did.”- Happy-Deal-1888
“Firstly, they are still alive and active. They need to take care of themselves first.”
“Wills exist because people can die at any moment.”
“Also, having a will doesn’t mean people can’t or won’t take care of themselves.”
“It doesn’t mean there will even be any money left over for anyone to inherit.”
“‘I have more money than I will ever need’.”
“Inheriting money doesn’t mean you have to keep it.”
“You can donate it or whatever.”
“Also, you can disclaim the inheritance, and you won’t get it.”
“NTA, but you are being silly.”- Scenarioing
“Just let them know that money isn’t your primary motivation.”- BikeCookie
“I think YTA, despite your intentions.”
“Don’t be telling your parents what they are and are not allowed to leave you when they pass away.”
“That’s not your decision, it’s not your choice.”
“Saying ‘Im so rich I don’t need any help from you, sure, anything you leave me makes no difference anyway’ is deeply insulting.”
“They worked hard to have what they have to leave you.”
“Saying, ‘ Sure, my siblings need it more than I do’ is also deeply insulting to them.”
“It may be true, but it’s still an a**holes thing to say out loud.”
“Be humble.”
“One workplace accident, one car crash, one medical emergency, and that ‘I have more money that i can spend in a lifetime’ goes out the window in a shockingly short amount of time.”- CarterPFly
“YTA.”
“Just a little.”
“It is your parents’ money.”
“Let them do what they want with it.”
“If taking an inheritance from them makes you uncomfortable, donate whatever they leave you to a charity in their name.”
“I would never tell my parents what to do with their money.”
“Because it isn’t my place.”- Amethyst_Ninjapaws
There are very few people who would deny being given money, of any amount.
That being said, parents never stop worrying about their children and will always go to great lengths to ensure their safety and security.
Something the OP might want to consider, particularly if it helps them keep the peace within their family.