Perfume choices are a very individual thing, and what smells beautiful to one person can smell terrible to another.
A guy on Reddit found himself in this situation when he asked his girlfriend to apply her perfume away from him because of how strongly it smells.
When she became angry and hurt he wondered if he’d misstepped. So he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username throwawayaita45610 on the site, asked:
“AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop applying deodorant and perfume in the bedroom?”
He explained:
“My girlfriend wakes up at 7 to get ready for work while I usually get up at 11.”
“I am a light sleeper so whenever she gets up from the bed I’d wake up, I have no difficulties going back to sleep afterwards, also because of our conflicting work schedules we rarely see each other during the weekdays so it’s actually nice to be able to talk every morning and wish each other a good day.”
“The issue is that before leaving she’d apply deodorant and perfume in the bedroom, the smell is so strong that it makes impossible for me to go back to sleep and by the time I reach the couch I’d already have lost sleep.”
“I asked her if she could apply them outside but she refused, she told me that it’s her morning routine to do it in the room and I will get used to it pretty quickly.”
“It’s been three months now and I definitely haven’t got used to it, non even a little.”
“I talked to her about it again yesterday and she pulled up an article saying that smell doesn’t affect sleep.”
“I took a look at it and I told her that’s not what the article is saying. It said the while smell don’t usually wake up people from sleep it definitely affects it.”
“In my case it makes it impossible for me to go to sleep.”
“I told her I don’t like it that instead of reaching a compromise together she is pulling up articles to tell me I’m wrong.”
“I informed her that I will be sleeping in the couch during the weekdays. She replied that I was doing this to punish her because I know how much she enjoys kissing me on the forehead every time she wakes up.”
“I told her that it had nothing to do with that. I just can’t function with 5 hours of sleep and reminded her that it also affected me at my job significantly.”
“She reluctantly agreed to apply them outside the bedroom but she was visibly upset.”
“I prepared a nice bubble bath for her with candles and made her dinner and this morning I took her to a restaurant she liked for brunch.”
“We had a good time but I can clearly see that she’s still a little bit upset even though she’s trying to hide it.”
“Was I really wrong to ask her to stop because I’m starting to feel like an a**hole and I hate seeing her like this.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And while many understood why his girlfriend was upset, they mostly agreed that OP had done nothing wrong and his girlfriend was being unreasonable.
“This is a ridiculously small compromise for her.”
“Whether there are articles or not, she’s being completely unreasonable to not take your feelings into consideration on such a tiny, easily fixable problem.”
“You’re not an a**hole, you’ve simply asked her to apply her smellies in a different room, that’s all.”
“I don’t use sprays in the bedroom because the noise actually wakes my husband. It’s a slight change to routine. NTA” –ohnosandpeople
“I agree, NTA.”
“My husband and I have the exact same compromise. He gets up earlier than I do and his cologne bothers me first thing in the morning.”
“It’s just too strong and wakes me up. I asked him to apply his cologne in the other bathroom, not in the master bath. He did. Problem solved.” –HalfPint1885
“It shouldn’t even be a compromise, it’s just common sense.”
“I used to do this in the bedroom until I started living with someone and then I moved to the bathroom and then in the next house into the hallway because the bathroom had no windows and was tiny.”
“I didn’t even need to be told, it’s annoying to have someone spray deodorant around you and it’s actually unhealthy the breathe that stuff for long in a closed space. NTA” –bigmamma0
“Yep, NTA. My husband used to spray deodorant in the bedroom but it made me wake up and cough, and I couldn’t get back to sleep before I had to be up. He now does it in the bathroom. It’s not difficult!” –No-Cranberry4396
“NTA. That used to be my routine. Got dressed and sprayed perfumes and deodorant in the bedroom.”
“Then my partner got bothered by the smells giving him headaches. Okay.”
“I did the dressing and spraying in the living room.”
“Then we got pets and my partner told me because of their sensitive respiratory system they can’t be around that funk. Okay.”
“Now I dress and spray my stuff on in the bathroom with the extraction fan on.”
“No big deal.” –Melonski-Chan
“I don’t understand people who won’t compromise on something so small.”
“I mean, I started going out in the hall to put on my deodorant; I use the kind that comes in an aerosol because I’m apparently allergic to something in the stick kind (I found out the hard way).”
“When I started using the aerosol kind, it scared the MESS out of my cat; I guess it sounded like a snake to him?”
“So in an effort to not stress out my cat, I go in the hall, apply, then come back in the room. And that’s just for my cat.”
“I can’t imagine having an SO express discomfort because of something like that and not having the bare courtesy to step out in the hall, apply, then come back in. Yeesh. OP, NTA” –balancelibertine
“This. I would be hesitant to be with someone who treated me this badly.”
“OP, is it her way or the highway when it comes to everything? I think a normal person would have agreed and moved their deodorant and perfume to a drawer outside your room the first time you asked.”
“I’m trying to figure out if OP is just a massive pushover, or if the GF picked this weird hill to die on.” –crystallz2000
“Exactly, this is a minuscule change to her routine that would reduce the hark she is causing her partner from lack of sleep.”
“I live alone in a single bathroom house with my SO, so I keep my grooming supplies in a small basket on a bar cart in the kitchen.”
“I use my water pik/face exfoilaitor and brush my teeth in the kitchen sink so as not to take up the entire tiny sink/vanity in the bathroom, and so I don’t disturb him with my loud hygiene devices.”
“(And because we work opposite shifts, with me working nights, it’s annoying.)”
“OP is NTA for asking her to simply use her scented products in the bathroom or another room.” –ijustneedtolurk
“This honestly shouldn’t even be a question. I can’t imagine someone asking me to not put on my deodorant in the bedroom and then arguing with them on why I’m going to continue doing it.”
“Was this her place that you moved into? This feels like a “this is my apartment, and you need to learn the rules” type situation.” –dereksalem
“Right? My partner gets up super early for work and I only get up kinda early. The days that he had off or doesn’t have to be in right away I walk around my apartment like I’m trying to rob it.”
“Even when he’s asleep for the night and I’m up I have headphones in and use the guest bathroom cause I want to make sure he gets a good nights sleep. How old is this girlfriend? She sounds so childish” –IotaRen
“Hell when my now husband and I first moved in together and he realized that his spray deodorant makes me cough if I’m in close proximity when it’s sprayed, he started applying it away from me even without me asking.”
“It’s been ten years and he still always leaves the bathroom to apply it off we’re both in there getting ready.” –MissSwat
“My boyfriend is sensitive to smells so if he’s going to be in the room when I need to put on deodorant, I literally just walk out of the room and apply it in the hall. Almost no change to my routine but everyone’s happy.” –bibliophile14
Hopefully OP’s girlfriend will agree to compromise.