Maid Of Honor Called Out By 'Bridezilla' Best Friend For Only Hiring Professional Makeup Artist For Herself

Traditionally, the maid of honor (MOH) is the bride’s primary attendant during the wedding and leader of the bridal party, serving as her chief helper from the first stages of wedding planning through the end of the reception. Wedding guides recommend the MOH be a trusted confidante—use the position of bridesmaid for those people only in the bridal party out of obligation.

Because a good choice in MOH can have the wedding go off without a hitch, but a bad choice can send the nuptials careening off the rails.

A recent maid of honor turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after friction with the bride.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

Own_Gold_2858 asked:

"AITAH For having a professional makeup artist do my makeup on my friend’s wedding day?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"My best friend (J) got married at the end of August and I was the maid of honour."

"I’ve always been really good at doing makeup even though I’ve never had any professional training so I became the default makeup doer for my friends, on nights out and big events etc and I’ve always been happy to do it because I enjoy it."

"About 2 months before she got married, one of the bridesmaids (C), who is also one of my best friends, asked her if she’s going to hire a makeup artist to do her (J’s) makeup. J just said she thought I was going to do it for her and for C as well since I’ve always done it for them both and it would save her money."

"Quite frankly I was shocked and so was C. C straight up said 'but what about P (me)?'. J just shrugged her shoulders and said I’d always managed to do everyone else’s makeup and do mine before nights out. Fair enough. It was my best friend's wedding and I was the maid of honour, so I’d do it for her."

"On the day of the wedding J and C were coming to my house to get ready because I had all the makeup and clothes. I had decided to hire myself a makeup artist to make the day easier for me. My makeup artist arrived at 9:15 and it took her about an hour/45 minutes to do my makeup. J and C arrived at 10am just as my makeup artist was finishing."

"J instantly got visibly upset with me. She didn’t say anything at first, but I could tell she was annoyed."

"I did their makeup, we got ready and headed to the venue. Just before I went in, J turned to me and said, 'I think what you did is bullsh*t. If I didn’t have a professional makeup artist, why did you think it was okay for you to have one?'."

"I said I’m sorry and I didn’t mean to upset her, but I wanted to have a relaxed moment to myself as well. J had been a bridezilla to be honest and it’s been quite stressful. She iced me out the rest of the night and I felt terrible."

"We’ve barely spoke since as she’s been on her honeymoon. C said I shouldn’t feel bad and that J shouldn’t have expected me to do her makeup for free. My boyfriend said I should just tell her to f*ck off and a few other people have said they understand why she’s upset and I should have asked J first if it was okay."

"AITAH?"

OP later added:

"I’d just like to add that my decision to hire a MUA was a last minute thing (2 days before the wedding) it was suggested by my mum (her friend's daughter is a MUA) and paid for by my boyfriend as a treat."

"I was not trying to upstage the bride. My makeup was simple and hers was full glam. I had asked her multiple times if she was sure about me doing her makeup and she was dead set because she knew I’d do it in a way she liked."

"Her makeup looked better than mine."

"The week leading up to the wedding was very busy, I decorated the venue, organised the food, planned the tables, sorted the other bridesmaids out, etc… I was tired and stressed because I wanted my best friend's wedding to be perfect."

After negative feedback, OP added:

For one, I didn’t b*tch about it to my boyfriend, he was there when she said it to me. I haven’t told anyone in my family so I’m not sure where you got that from?"

"I’ve stated multiple times I DID NOT have a problem with doing other people’s makeup so there was nothing to communicate there."

"I’m definitely not a people pleaser. I did it because she’s been my best friend since childhood, and it was her wedding day, and she trusted me to do her makeup. The problem is the fact that she got upset with me and I didn’t want to cause a scene on her wedding day."

"Our makeups were cohesive because the other bridesmaids and I had simple looks."

"It is the first time we’ve had an issue actually so don’t make assumptions. We’re usually a very laid back pair of friends."

"I did not intentionally hide it at all. I just didn’t think it mattered in the grand scheme of things."

"Me and J have been friends for over 20 years and never once fell out or had drama so it’s absolutely knocked the wind out of me that she got so upset."

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors decided the OP was NTA.

"Just very childish all the way around. I personally would be inclined to just stop caring what she thinks. If she wants to continue to give you the silent treatment, OP, just enjoy the vacation."

"Then when she tries to be obnoxious about it, tell her you were enjoying the peace and quiet and would appreciate it if she went back to not talking to you." ~ StreetTailor7596

"NTA, she assumed you would do her makeup for a special event when previously it was casual nights out. You didn’t want to stress about your own makeup after she specifically said she wanted your free labor. You gave her the free labor."

"I guess she’s mad you didn’t pay for the makeup artist to do her too. So she probably saw it as you 'upstaging' her." ~ Significant-Bird7275

"She wouldn't have even known if a few more minutes had passed before she showed up. It made exactly no difference to her day other than her jealousy ruining it for her." ~ loricomments

"A lot of people say that about brides—'she’s not usually like this'—but then they are treating people horribly. I think it shows the person underneath. Who a person becomes when under stress is important and can show A LOT about their character."

"A person under stress who becomes selfish, mean, and a bully is showing a real side to them. And I personally find I can’t stand people like that as friends. Part of the magic of friends is going through stressful times with them and being better for it." ~ PinkElephants879

"It was fine for you to hire a makeup artist to make it less stressful for you given that you were coerced into doing the others. And that is what I would have said."

"You didn’t need her permission, nor do you owe anyone an explanation. Let her go, shut the conversation down. And move on." ~ CalmWorker703

"She’s upset because you paid your money for a service for you? You even timed it so you’d be in full makeup when they showed up."

"Don’t feel bad for a second, and people who say you’re wrong should have done the bride’s makeup for free." ~ matriarchalfigure

"NTA. J was exceptionally entitled for assuming you’d do the makeup without even asking, and worse for getting mad when you paid for someone to do yours so you’d have time and capacity to do hers FOR FREE."

"She was being cheap and then got mad when you paid someone to make her freeloading achievable?" ~ Realistic_Pool_8087

"NTA. Expecting you to just do it without properly asking is so off-putting. Was there ever a conversation prior where she asked, or was it just the, oh she's gonna do it since she's good at it/saves her money?"

"If she had clarified she would've liked that as a wedding gift or expressed she would like you to, to ease her load that day, I would understand. But the direct assumption you're just gonna do it because she said so, is rude and disregards your time to also get ready." ~ confused_af24

Weddings are stressful. If OP and the bride are as close as OP claims, then a conversation after the bride returns from her honeymoon should resolve any misunderstandings.

If not, then OP will need to reevaluate this friendship.