The price tag for a wedding has risen to outrageous levels.
Some can cost more than a mortgage.
So, finding ways to save money is key... but some cuts can cause more drama than necessary.
Some pennies may just need to be spent.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
""ITA for being upset that I didn't get to do my own makeup for a wedding after being the M[ake]-U[p] A[rtist] for the rest of the bridal party?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My friend (the bride) had a very D[o] I[t] Y[ourself], budget-friendly wedding recently."
"I am a professional makeup artist, and a month before the wedding, she asked me to do the makeup for the entire bridal party (4 bridesmaids, 1 M[aid] O[f] H[onor], and the bride)."
"I told her then that I didn't think it was a good idea because there were too many people for one person to handle while also being in the wedding party."
"I suggested she get someone else."
"The night before the wedding, she told me I needed to be at her house at 6:00 AM to start everyone's makeup for a 1 pm ceremony."
"I was stressed but wanted to be supportive, so I showed up on time with all my supplies."
"However, when I arrived, I wasn't allowed to start makeup."
"Instead, the MOH and I were put on duty to deep fry food for the reception."
"I spent three hours cooking, which meant I ended up smelling like fried food after I had already showered and gotten ready."
"By the time I finished cooking, I was behind schedule."
'I did the MOH, two bridesmaids, and the bride."
"The final bridesmaid didn't show up until 12:00 PM."
"Just as I finished her, the photographer arrived for group photos."
"At this point, I was still not in my dress, my hair wasn't done, I smelled like oil, and I had no time to do my own makeup."
"I had to rush to put on my dress and fix my hair, but I had to go to the ceremony barefaced."
"To make matters worse, one bridesmaid washed off the work I did because she 'didn't like it,' which felt like a slap in the face."
"I was visibly upset and told the bride I didn't want to be in the photos."
"I told her I didn't appreciate how the morning was handled, especially since I had warned her that doing everyone’s makeup was too much."
'My tone was admittedly sharp because I was exhausted and frustrated."
"She told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore."
"I feel like I was used for free labor and denied the chance to actually be a bridesmaid, but she feels I ruined her 'getting ready."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for being angry and telling her I didn't want to be in the photos?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA, she 100% used you, and I’d imagine were given a bridesmaid role specifically to get you to do this, regardless of your views." ~ Urbanyeti0
"OP, I'm a wedding planner and have been this bride's maid of honor for a 'friend' too many times to count."
"She's gonna be mad in about six months because she 'hasn't heard from you,' but other than that, this friendship is over."
"Do nothing, the rest will sort itself out." ~ Putrid_Appearance509
"I absolutely would have said no to helping with the food."
"Flat out no."
"That’s not my job, not doing it."
"I’ll help with makeup, but that’s it."
"Frankly, if you’re being told (not asked) the night before, after being clear that wasn’t a good idea, then you probably also don’t have all the proper gear and supplies to do a great job."
"The whole thing was set up for failure." ~ Organized_Khaos
"It sounds to me like OP believed until the night before the wedding that the bride had followed her suggestion and got someone else, like any nice, reasonable person would have done in her shoes."
"But then the bride surprised her at the last minute, probably on purpose, to manipulate OP into agreeing to do it nevertheless."
"I think she didn't contact OP some days before, because then OP would have felt way less pressure to say yes, as there was still time to get a different makeup artist."
"There definitely also was no word before that OP was supposed to deep fry food for 3 hours!"
"The bride didn't even say anything about this the night before, seemingly, and that was a total surprise at 6:00."
"I think, unfortunately, the bride knew of OP's good and supportive nature and totally exploited this knowledge to her advantage."
"And she doesn't even feel bad about it. "
"The bride is a big AH, and OP needs to learn to be more assertive and less of a doormat." ~ opelan
"NTA. There’s a difference between having a wedding with a small budget and having a cheap wedding."
"The point where you’re essentially forcing your bridal party to spend the entire morning running around doing free labor (especially when there doesn’t seem to have been a proper conversation or plan for it that the bridesmaids were aware of), to the point you don’t have time to get ready, is the point where cheap kicks in."
"Your friend has unfortunately chosen her wedding day to showcase how little respect and appreciation she has for you."
"It’s a shi**y way to learn, but if you want to continue a friendship with her (and personally, I wouldn’t), at least make sure you remember how she treated you that day." ~ mhmcmw
"NTA... deep fried food?!"
"That is crazy, your 'friend' was delusional to think that was a good idea, and she took advantage of you."
"Sometimes you are better off not having friends like this."
"That is just over the top crazy to have you frying food all morning, then doing everyone's makeup?"
"You did nothing wrong here." ~ Quiet_Road_354
"NTA. You don't say how close you are, but I think you were asked to be a bridesmaid purely to be used and provide a free service."
"Get there 7 hours in advance to do 6 people's makeup, but then spend 3 hours cooking food for the reception, which would be in a few hours? So also on cooking duty?"
"Was it just you and the MOH or all the bridesmaids?"
"If not, why not?"
"Why did the bride not have this planned ahead of time with caterers/ family/ whoever she had doing food?"
"It's not your job."
"Sorry, OP, she's not really a good friend." ~ Braveasalion
"OMG, NTA."
"Too many stories of brides who think DIY equates to bullying others to either pay for them or do everything for free."
"That's just taking advantage of people."
"I'm sorry you were manipulated like this."
"She probably heard you and decided to just ignore you until it was too late, so you would feel pressured into it." ~ DotDotDot_meh
"First of all, deep frying food at 6 am for lunch or dinner is absolutely bonkers."
"In general, I would say not the a**hole."
"Doing makeup for 5 people plus the bride is a lot of work in the 3-4 hours before the ceremony, after you have already cooked a bunch of food (again, wild ask)."
"On top of that, I'm sorry that you felt used and not yourself after not having any time to get ready for the ceremony."
"Was doing the makeup for everyone as your wedding gift to her? "
"There's no other way in my mind that this situation makes sense, seeing as you are a professional who knew that it was a big task ahead of time."
"The only thing I would say you did wrong at all is venting to the bride."
"It sounds like an absolute cluster f**k the way it all went down, and that sucks, but the bride on her wedding day does not need any extra things added to her mental load."
"If you had left it at 'I don't want to be in pictures' and nothing more, then I'd say you're 100% in the clear." ~ Burnrisk25
"NTA, but, and I mean this kindly, stop being a doormat!"
"You said no, then you caved at the last minute, then you resented the bride for it."
"She did put you in a bad spot, but if the wedding was so DIY that she had the wedding party frying food, the others could do their own makeup."
"Also, practice saying no without an explanation."
"Because saying, 'I don't think it's a good idea, I won't have time, ' gave her the idea to wake you up at six to give you more time."
"'I can't do that many people, sorry.'"
"'Why?'"
"Too many people can't do it."
"If she insists, tell her the price per person and ask her to ask them who wants to pay you."
"Just because she's your friend doesn't entitle her to $1000+ of your free labor and products, which I assume are very expensive." ~ AffectionateParty754
"Hard NTA: Learn from this."
"If someone asks you to be in a wedding and do makeup again, tell them it’s one or the other."
"You can either do the makeup as a gift or you can be a bridesmaid, but they need to choose which one."
"Also, who makes their bridesmaids fry food before a wedding?"
"This bride seems super disorganized and bossy." ~ shaylgarcia
Your friend owes you an apology.
You have every right to be irritated.
You were taken advantage of.
Now you know better for the future.
