The hardest thing about planning a wedding is the fact that everyone has an opinion about it.
While the only two people who should really have any say regarding venue, catering, and attire, they will still get plenty of, mostly unwanted, opinions from their inner circle.
Particularly from the soon-to-be in-laws.
Redditor Lth35467 was finding herself increasingly frustrated by her conservative soon-to-be mother-in-law’s opinions on her wedding.
Sadly, the original poster (OP)’s frustrations were not helped one bit by her fiancé, who tended to take his mother’s side.
Things reached an ultimate boiling point, however, when the OP’s fiancé made a remark about the makeup she planned to wear on their big day.
Concerned she didn’t handle it as well as she could have, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling my Fiancé’s delusional for wanting me to let his mom pick my makeup/look for the wedding?”
The OP explained how after being increasingly frustrated by her fiancé’s mother’s interference with planning her wedding, she reached her breaking point following a remark by her fiancé.
“My fiancé and I are getting married.”
“He comes from a conservative family, and his mom has been up in the wedding planning posing as ‘supervisor’ to oversee and to ‘catch & eliminate anything that could be seen as ‘offensive’.”
“After the wedding dress fiasco (I was told to get a dress that wasn’t showing too much skin) came the makeup issue.”
“I showed my fiancé some looks I wanted to choose from, and he gasped and said his mom would have a stroke if she saw ‘these’.”
“I, in frustration, asked what should I do and the next thing I knew but did not expect was for her to send me ‘looks’ of models with almost no makeup or light makeup.”
‘No eyeshadow, no glowly lipstick just…plain look.”
“I refused to choose from any of her suggestions, and we had an argument.”
‘My fiancé came home and argued about how I’m planning on humiliating him and family at the wedding by wanting to look like a…’clown’ and make a joke out of BOTH of us.”
“I snapped and called him delusional to think I’ll let his mom get a say in what makeup I should wear since it’s my face.”
“He said there’s no such thing as ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ in marriage and that I’m clearly too ‘immature’ for it.”
“He has been avoiding me while saying ‘you know why I’m avoiding you…’ and his mom sent a text about how she has my best interest at heart.’
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for putting her foot down about her makeup.
Everyone agreed it was the fiancé, and not the OP, who was being immature, as well as controlling, with many even urging the OP to question if going through with this wedding was a good idea.
“Do you want to marry his mom, because functionally that’s what’s happening here?”
“He is showing you he will always look to his mom for what’s right and follow her lead.”
“If you marry him you are essentially marrying into his mom’s standards and ideals because she controls his life.”
‘Her word will be law in your home, relationship, professional decisions, and with your kids.”
“Unless that’s what you want for the future, you need to put this engagement on hold and sort out your relationship.”
“NTA.”- thirdtryisthecharm
“Why are you two getting married?”
“You don’t seem to be on the same page about anything?”- StevieB85
“Do.Not.Marry.This.Clown.”
“Ever, under any circumstances.”
“Love yourself enough to recognize abuse.”
“This is 100% the start of a very bad story.”
“You will regret the ending.”
“NTA.”- EntrepreneurAmazing3
“NTA.”
“Run like Usain Bolt and never look back.”
“If you cave on this, next it’ll be ‘she’s the grandma she has a say in the baby’s name’, ‘she’s MY mom she should be in the delivery room’, ‘my mom thinks that grammar school is better.’… it will never end.”- Smoopiebear
“NTA.”
“Your fiancé is broken.”
“Maybe try to find a new one.”- LadyRosy
“He said there’s no such thing as ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ in marriage and that I’m clearly too ‘immature’ for it.”
“Within NORMAL boundaries yes, this is NOT NORMAL.”
“This is a clear indication of how he expects married life to go and I find it odd there haven’t been prior warning signs but honey you need to call this off.”
“NTA.”- ReviewOk929
“Do you really want this to be the rest of your life?”
‘Because MIL isn’t going to stop being overbearing, especially when your fiancé already doesn’t defend you.”- Electric_jigsaw
“NTA but also maybe don’t marry this person, it sounds like you have very mismatched values, and it’s not just his mom that’s conservative.”
“The fact he thinks wearing makeup would make you look like a clown is worrying to say the least, and if you’re having these issues now, they’re only going to get worse the further you get into the marriage.”
“Plus, his mother is ALWAYS going to try to be in control of you and your relationship, and it doesn’t sound like he has any interest in settings boundaries with her, which is a recipe for disaster.”- 0silverghost0
“NTA.”
“HUGE red flag of life to come.”
“If my fiance said those things to me and let his mother have such a heavy hand in dictating wedding, there wouldn’t be a wedding.”
“RUN don’t walk away from this.”- mamadachsie
“NTA.”
“Run! Run now.”
“He’s showing you who he is.”- judymcjudgerson
“NTA.”
“Do not marry this person.”
“Do not marry this person.”
“Do NOT marry this person.”
“Unless you really wanna marry his mom, because that’s whose calling all the shots here.”
“But seriously.”
“Don’t marry someone who would call you a clown and an embarrassment.”
“You deserve better.”- Terytha
“NTA and uhhh are you sure you want to marry this guy?”
“He’s siding with his mom instead of his soon-to-be-wife about MAKEUP.”
“What’s going to happen with all the bigger decisions that are to come when you’re married?”
“Yikes.”
“If you still want to marry him, just be aware you’re marrying him AND his mother because he is certainly not treating you like an equal partner.”- _DeadSeaSquirrel
“Oh my god, I laughed involuntarily at the thought of letting his mother pick your makeup and dress for the wedding.”
“He is delusional.”
“NTA.”- rainyreminder
“NTA.”
“Leave now before anything is legal.”
“This will become your life always having to get his mother’s approval or her lurking in the shadows.”- Pancakes_pizza
“I’m sorry did he just insinuate that your body will belong to him when you’re married?”
“Ummm RUN!”
“Change your phone number!”
“Block!”
“That’s honestly scary as f*ck that he just said that.”
“RED RED RED RED FLAGS NTA.”- dovechocolatebar
“OP, NTA for wanting to make your own choices regarding your wedding look.”
“This is normal and should be expected.”
“What’s not normal or expected is the fact that your fiancé wants his mother to have the final say with everything here, and he clearly values her opinions and feelings over yours.”
“Is this what you want your marriage to look like?”
“Do you want your MIL to be making all of your life decisions for you, and to have a husband who always takes her side and doesn’t back you up?”- bokatan778
“NTA, but have a serious thought about canceling the wedding.”
“This is what your life will be like constantly for decades with a MIL like that and a husband who supports her.”- AnonymousWritings
“NTA.”
“But welcome to a life of his mother overstepping her boundaries and this dude just going along with it.”
“You’re third-wheeling in this relationship and deserve better.”-TemptingPenguin369
“More red flags than the communist manifesto,”
“NTA, and get out of this relationship, this is just the beginning.”- Vintage-Silverbullet
“NTA.”
‘Get out now.”
“While you still can.”
“Massive red flags here.”- WizardofAmythyst
“If he is this delusional now, before you’re married, how bad are things going to get once you’re married?”
“Pregnant?”
“Have children?”
“Your face belongs to you.”
“Your whole body does too.”
“These people are not behaving in an appropriate way at all.”
“They are literally the definition of controlling.”
“NTA.”- TrayMc666
All engaged couples are bound to have a difference of opinion when it comes to planning their wedding.
And the OP’s fiancé wasn’t entirely wrong in saying ‘there’s no such thing as ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ in marriage.
But he rather missed the point, as that means that couples should find common ground and learn to compromise, not for wives to simply do everything their husbands say.
It’s hard not to wonder if the OP’s fiancé will be avoiding her for longer than he expected, if she listens to the warnings of the Reddit community and cancels the wedding, that is.