Some people are really into appearances, that’s just a fact.
It also isn’t surprising if a bride-turned-bridezilla becomes one of those people in the days leading up to her wedding.
But what if the bride isn’t the problem at all, but instead her future mother-in-law, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AITAmomisthrowaway was fed up with his mother’s and sister’s frequent concerns about his future wife not looking wedding-ready and washed out because of her lack of makeup.
But when they continued to push the issue, the Original Poster (OP) began to entertain the idea of disinviting them from the special day entirely.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my mom and my sister I’ll uninvite them from my wedding if they don’t leave my fiancée alone about her appearance?”
The OP was looking forward to his small, simple wedding.
“I’m getting married next month. We are keeping it small, just immediate family and a few close friends in the park on a Friday afternoon. 16 guests total plus the officiant and the photographer.”
The OP’s future wife also liked to keep her appearance simple because of her work life.
“For her job, my fiancée works in a lab that sterilizes medical instruments and surgical equipment. There are strict requirements to work there in terms of appearance and the dress code.”
“They aren’t allowed to wear any makeup at all, any kind of nail polish or fake nails, or any kind of perfume/cologne/body spray or other scented products. If you do show up with any of that, you are sent home.”
“My fiancée tells me since they are covered from head to toe with all their skin and hair covered, no one bothers with trying to look good at work. They have to wear scrubs, a protective gown, booties over their shoes, a hairnet, a face mask, glasses, a face shield, and double gloves.”
“I have been dating her for almost 2 years and living with her for a year, and I have never seen her wear makeup.”
“I honestly don’t care if she doesn’t because she is comfortable with how she looks. She hasn’t bought or worn it in 15 years because of her job.”
But the OP’s family was not convinced about the bride’s choices.
“My mom and my sister are unhappy she isn’t going to wear makeup for the wedding. They say she will look ‘washed out’ and ‘not good’ in the photos.”
“We did hire a professional photographer for the wedding. It was our biggest expense but we want to have nice photos.”
“He has photographed hundreds of weddings and he took our engagement photos. In our engagement photos, my girlfriend didn’t wear makeup and she looks fine.”
“It was taken in the same park at the same time of day as our wedding will be. He is aware we are keeping our appearances simple and my fiancée is not wearing makeup, and he said he can make it work like he did with our engagement photos.”
The OP was surprised when his family continued to push the issue.
“At first, I thought my mom and my sister just wanted her to look her best in the photos even if I didn’t like the looking-not-good dig.”
“I showed them the engagement photos but they weren’t placated. They didn’t let it go.”
“My complexion, hair, and eye color are the same as my fiancée, and I said I wasn’t wearing makeup either.”
“This is where I got angry because both my sister and my mom said it doesn’t matter what I do, because men look fine without makeup whereas women don’t, so it only applies to my fiancée and not me.”
The OP decided to put his foot down.
“My fiancée said it was up to me how I handle it. I told them if they mention the subject again or say anything to my fiancée again I will univite them to the wedding.”
“I don’t even know why they care so much. But after I said I would uninvite them, they were not happy and now both of them are royally mad at me.”
“They’re saying I shouldn’t mistreat or talk to family this way when they were just trying to help. Also as a man, they said I don’t understand why this issue is important.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the mother and sister sounded incredibly sexist.
“Marriage aside, they were already massive a**holes for that f**king ‘Men look fine by default but women need makeup’ misogynistic bulls**t comment.”
“It baffles me that we’re in the year of our lord 2022 and people still say s**t like that.” – TaleOfDash
“Yeah, I never got this argument, I had similar aggro for my wedding because I planned to do my own minimal make-up, which apparently was not good enough, and my mother and others were like ‘But the photograaaaaaaphs, you’ll looked washed ouuuuut.'”
“When I asked why I would look like crap but my husband wouldn’t, nobody had a response. There were similar meltdowns over the fact I was doing my own hair.”
“I looked d**n awesome in those pics if I do say so myself. People have crazy ideas about what the bride should and shouldn’t have done looks-wise for weddings but nobody seems to have similar expectations for the groom.” – Academic-Panic
“Somehow ‘he doesn’t know why it’s so important,’ yet they happily dismiss that the woman they demand changes herself is perfectly happy with how she looks.”
“Even if there was ground for arguing OP is misinformed, his fiancée has the last word, and she doesn’t care for makeup.”
“It’s sad that OP’s family feels so horrible about themselves that they need the makeup but he is marrying a woman who is content in her own skin. NTA.” – BraidedSilver
“I also recommend that they add to that answer, ‘If I shouldn’t mistreat or talk to family this way, YOU shouldn’t mistreat or talk to family this way either, Mom and Sis. Telling my wife she’ll look bad without makeup is ruder than me telling you to stop discussing her looks. This better be the end of it.'” – ItsAboutResilience
Others were concerned about how this would impact the marriage.
“NTA. Good for you for standing up for your fiancée. It’s her face. Nothing to do with your mum or sister. Be warned. They will always be like this with her.”
“But don’t attribute good intentions to this. They are not trying to help. They are trying to impose their ideals on your fiancée. It’s none of their business.” – ninasimonerules
“NTA. It was none of their business, to begin with, but I would have entertained them mentioning ONCE that she may want to wear makeup. After that, it’s just harassment.”
“I’m a woman. I don’t wear makeup. I didn’t wear it to my wedding. My pictures turned out h**la cute.”
“Congrats on the wedding, and good job sticking up for your fiancée!” – OTK421
“Amazing fiancé right here!!!! NTA.”
“I’m sorry your mom and sister are giving you a hard time. I think the best way to handle this would be to shut them down quickly whenever they bring it up, by saying things like you did above, then refuse to answer any follow-up questions.”
“Sometimes people wear makeup because they’re uncomfortable in their own skin, and although I don’t think you should accuse your family of this, I think you could say you love how confident your fiancé is.” – dev-246
“NTA. I think it’s a perfectly reasonable response. You don’t get to come to the wedding if you can’t stop criticizing the bride’s appearance, because nobody needs that kind of negativity on their wedding day.”
“Don’t make the mistake of believing your mother and sister were ‘only trying to help’. That’s a classic bully’s defense, right up there with ‘lighten up, it’s only a joke’.”
“People who are genuinely trying to help know when to let it go (after the first ‘no’, that would be), they don’t get angry if their offer for help isn’t accepted, and they manage to offer that help without being insulting.”
“Your mother and sister are not ‘helping’ when they are telling your fiancée that the way she looks, the way she looked when you fell in love with her, and the way she will look as you spend your life with her, isn’t good enough. They were blatantly attacking your wife-to-be, and you were absolutely right not to put up with that.” – Signal-Television510
While the OP thought he may have been a little too tough with his family when he threatened to disinvite his mother and sister if they didn’t lighten up about the makeup issue, the subReddit insisted he had done the right thing.
It would be terrible for his family to not be there on his wedding day, true, but it would be even worse to set a precedent that his family can mistreat his wife, question her choices about her body, and insult her appearance.