Family isn't defined by blood.
The people we consider "family" are the ones we know we can rely on most, who never let us down.
Sometimes, these are the people we need to escape from our blood relations, the family we were born into but wouldn't have chosen to be part of.
The family of Redditor Dankpiff519 was having a big family gathering.
Much to the original poster (OP)'s surprise, they changed the date of this gathering and waited to tell them until the very last minute,
Leading the OP to consider skipping the gathering altogether.
After getting pushback from their family, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"My family forgot to tell me Thanksgiving dinner was moved to a different day, AITAH for not wanting to go anymore?"
The OP explained why they planned on boycotting a family gathering:
"I’m pretty upset about this situation and honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting."
"Everyone in my family, including my extended family, is at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving dinner."
"The original message said Monday, but apparently it was changed to Sunday, and nobody called or messaged me to let me know."
"Now that everyone has sat down for dinner and noticed I’m not there, they’re messaging me expecting me to show up and be considerate of my parents."
"I suffer from depression and anxiety, and this whole situation has made me feel terrible."
"The last thing I need right now is to show up feeling miserable, only for everyone to turn on me for not being happy while I’m there."
"I know how this is going to go, so I’ve decided I’m not going."
"I don’t care about missing the dinner as much as I care about having some peace for the rest of the night."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community agreed that the OP did the right thing by skipping Thanksgiving dinner with their family.
Everyone agreed that if the OP's family didn't even think to tell the OP that the date of Thanksgiving dinner had been changed, then they should put herself first and do what makes them happy:
"NTA."
"I hosted holidays my entire sentient life. Paying for everything too."
"My siblings organized their own dinner last year without inviting me."
"That was my line in the sand."- night_noche
"'Sorry folks, if you change your plans I need more notice than 15 minutes. Sad we won't be meeting tomorrow after all. Have a lovely dinner, see you next time'."
"Order or cook yourself something wonderful and watch your favorite film; have a great evening."- lunivore
"NTA."
"Please don't go anywhere that's going to make you feel worse.'
"I always dreaded every family holiday."
"They made me feel awful while I was there and I hated myself for weeks afterwards."
"Leading up to events I'd have such terrible anxiety."
"One day I couldn't handle it and just didn't go."
"The world didn't end. No one imploded."
"It was the best holiday I'd had in a long time."
"Now I'm that long-lost cousin that no one ever hears from, and I don't care."
"Now I have nice, peaceful holidays with good food and my nuclear family."
"I have no regrets in cutting off toxic people."- fbombmom_
"Oh honey you are not the a**hole."
"Im sorry this happened to you."- mariscrane1
"NTA."
"I wouldn’t go, either."
"Listen, when I was young, I was always the odd one out, and everyone always made fun of me for it."
"Instead of making me feel welcome at dinners, I’d get 'oh look who decided to show up', 'oh, you leave your room?'"
"And other mean comments that made everyone else laugh but made me feel like crap."
"I hated every holiday."
"When I started working, I’d volunteer for every holiday."
"I wanted to spend the holidays alone, in peace."
"And when it did work out, and I spent the time alone, it was marvelous."
"I hope you watch your favorite stories, play your favorite games, enjoy peace and the freedom of eating whatever YOU want."-DetectiveClear6734
"I'm so sorry this happened to you."
"I've had similar things happen to me with friends and always get told that everyone 'just forgot', and 'it's not personal', but how can it not feel personal?"
"Even if it was just a mistake, it's incredibly hurtful, and you have every right to feel hurt."
"Please take care of yourself in whatever way makes the most sense to you, up to and including turning your phone off after politely telling your family you've already made other plans."
"NTA."- noods-danger-tits
"Ask them how you are supposed to feel when they completely forgot you."
"It’s not your job to make them happy and feel better after they hurt you like that."
"You need time, and they need to respect that."
"They caused this mess."
"They can’t dictate you how to handle it."
"They just feel bad and want to make it a you problem."- grumpy__g
"NTA."
"When I was I college, I told my 'friends' that I was going to go to the bathroom before we drove to a restaurant for dinner."
"They left without me."
"I don’t think I’d ever felt so sad and rejected as I did that night."
"They didn’t even notice - only me calling and asking where they were tipped them off."
"I told them not to come back for me and just cried myself to sleep without food."
"I’d be extra hurt if it was 'family'."- LilithOG
"No wonder you have depression if this is any indication of how you’re treated."
"You don’t deserve this at all."- Sea_Roof3637
"Turn off the phone and don't answer any family texts for the rest of the night."- Lanky-Ostrich8061
"NTA."
"They should have told you about the change, and apparently if you’re so forgettable that they can eat dinner without you, then why is it now your responsibility to show up to appease them."
"They should be finding a way to make this up to you rather than putting some bullsh*t pressure on you for something they all f*cked up on."- SepticSkeptik
"NTA."
"What parents forget to invite their own child to a holiday family get-together?"
"By the time you could even put your shoes on and drive over, everyone would be finished eating and the food would be cold, so why bother?"
"I wouldn’t either."
"I don’t blame you for being hurt, I know I would be."
"Take a few mental health days and ignore the calls and messages."
"Enjoy your own choice for dinner."- FordWarrier
"My in-laws all (8 people at the time) went to a christening when they realized my husband and I weren’t there."
"Halfway through the reception, hours after the actual baptism, is when it dawned on them."
"Apparently everyone thought someone else was going to tell us."
"They had the nerve to call from the party to tell us and ask if we wanted to go."
"Guess that way they could tell themselves that they didn’t mess up."
"Sometimes family just sucks."
"You are NTA. It’s all on them."
"I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this alone."
"Maybe a friend can come over for the day?"
"Or maybe you can join a friend tomorrow at the last minute?"- Distribution_Brave
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and sharing a little more about their relationship with their family:
"I just want to take a moment to say that I’ve been reading through all of your responses, and honestly, I’m overwhelmed to the point of crying."
"I never expected my post to get this much attention, and I certainly didn’t expect so many people to take the time to share their thoughts, offer advice, and try to understand where I’m coming from."
"I’ve been struggling with a lot emotionally, and I think everything has just caught up with me."
"I’ve been overthinking this situation so much, questioning myself, and wondering whether I was wrong for feeling the way I do."
"Reading so many people’s perspectives has brought up a lot of emotions that I wasn’t prepared for."
"I’m trying my best to keep up with everyone’s comments, but there are so many that it’s becoming overwhelming."
"Please know that even if I don’t respond to your individual comment, I’m reading them, and I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to write something."
"Some of you have made me feel understood at a time when I really needed it, and I honestly can’t explain how much that means to me."
"Thank you for being kind to a complete stranger who is just trying to work through a difficult situation."- Dankpiff519
Thanksgiving is a day to survey the many things you have to be grateful for, including your family.
Seeing as the OP's family didn't even think to let them know they moved Thanksgiving, one can't blame the OP for not feeling particularly grateful for their family.
Thankfully, the OP can feel grateful to know they aren't alone and that taking care of oneself is vitally important.
