Halloween candy can be very enticing.
A lot of parents struggle not to abscond with their kid's chocolate bounty.
But not all parents win that battle.
Indulging in Halloween winnings isn't a bad thing, but... everything in moderation.
Redditor u/UnionPuzzleheaded919 wanted to share her experience and get feedback, so she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for yelling at my husband after he ate my daughter’s Halloween candy?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My (29 F[emale]) daughter (8) is autistic and doesn’t like trick-or-treating."
"She’s usually happy enough to spend the evening passing out candy at my aunt’s house because we don’t get many trick-or-treaters where we live."
"It’s nice, but she doesn’t really get to take any home because there are just too many kids."
"Yesterday, her school did a trunk-or-treat during regular school hours."
"She came home with a paper bag filled to the brim with candy and a few little toys."
"My husband (32) and I each had two pieces of candy before bed."
"He said he was going to sleep on the couch because he had gas and didn’t wanna stink up the bedroom."
"He’s got stomach issues, so I thought he was just being considerate."
"I heard a lot of noise in the kitchen, but I didn’t think it was anything but a midnight snack since we had just gone grocery shopping."
"At one point, I got up to grab a blanket and saw him eating something, but I couldn’t tell what it was because it was dark."
"I told him that if his stomach was bothering him, he probably shouldn’t be snacking all night, and he said that he had only started ten minutes ago and was almost done."
"It was a weird thing to say, and he seemed very defensive, but I was exhausted, so I just went back to bed."
"I really didn’t think much of it."
"This morning my daughter came into my room and asked for chocolate."
"Normally, I wouldn’t say yes to candy first thing in the morning, but it’s Halloween."
"I went into the fridge to grab her candy bag, but it wasn’t there."
"I asked my husband about it, and he insisted it was in the kitchen."
"My heart sank when I found the bag that my daughter had decorated by hand was torn to shreds on the counter."
"I asked him if he ate all of her candy."
"He shrugged and said not all of it."
"Two lollipops."
"That was the candy he left for her."
"Two fu*king lollipops and a Rice Krispie treat (which she doesn’t even like)."
"I lost my sh*t."
"He said that it wasn’t a big deal because she could go trick-or-treating."
"She doesn’t even like trick-or-treating, but that doesn’t matter to him."
"He keeps saying that he’ll buy more, but that’s really not the point."
"This was the one and only time she’s gotten more than a couple pieces of candy from a trick-or-treat or trunk-or-treat before calling it quits, and all she got to eat was two lollipops."
"He really doesn’t see why I’m upset, and now he’s mad because he says that I tell on him first thing in the morning."
"He says that I’ve been in a 'mood' lately, the last few days (our daughter’s been having trouble sleeping and I’m the one that’s had to stay up with her)."
"The only thing I really think I did wrong was calling him fat at one point."
"I would have said that to anyone in this situation, but he’s sensitive about his weight, and I know that."
"I should have been more careful with my words."
"I was just so angry at the sheer disrespect."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. Godd*mn."
"This isn't even the classic one piece of candy 'Dad tax' my father did to me growing up."
"This is just downright selfish."
"What an as*hole." ~ InternalPaper7018
"Parent tax, tossing out things they're not allowed to have, like bubble gum, shouldn't be more than a few pieces."
"And if you're collecting 'parent tax,' it should be the candy that you like, but your kids don't care for."
"Pigging out on the whole bag is shit*y behavior." ~ TheFilthyDIL
"And to lie about why you want to sleep in the living room so that you can access the candy when everyone is gone to bed."
"Terrible behavior on the father's part." ~ Querque_Quirky
"Oh yeah, that’s what everyone wants: a grown man with a binge eating disorder, no self-control, and a pathological need to be correct ('not all of it' my fu*king as*)."
"This was like, premeditated, you get that, right?"
"He planned this from the start."
"He set you up the second he saw the candy. NTA." ~ ScarlettsLetters
"This does seem like addict behavior."
"Once that big bag of candy came into the house, he wanted to finish it."
"He knew it was wrong; he even lied to make an excuse to be alone with it."
"The 'almost done' comment too; it was compulsion."
"Then being defensive and getting mad at her for HOW she got mad at him."
"The ripping up the bag was a weird, extra touch though." ~ Fun-Ring6330
"NTA, I feel bad for your daughter. Even though she doesn't like trick-or-treating, it doesn't mean she doesn't like candy."
"Get her some chocolate and hide it from your husband."
"Does she know that he ate her candy?" ~ AlwaysShip
"Shredding the bag would have made me a lot madder than the candy."
"You can buy new candy, but if she sees the bag she made all torn up, that's gonna upset her. NTA." ~ thesturdygerman
"NTA. You were holding back with the 'fat' comment."
"What an asshole to do that to his kid and then not even feel ashamed."
"That just sucks."
"And at 8 years old?"
"That's gonna be a core memory for your daughter that Dad can't be trusted."
"Don't shield his actions."
"Make her understand that Dad made a terrible choice and that she should not have had her candy stolen from her in her own house." ~ slowasaspeedingsloth
"NTA. I'm not normally one to say this, BUT LEAVE THIS MAN!"
"He has no respect for you or your daughter acting like this."
"He is behaving like a child."
"I am truly so sorry for your daughter." ~ crieromg
OP came back to chat...
"I really didn’t expect this to blow up immediately."
"I want to clarify that this isn’t the norm for us."
"I honestly posted this because I was stunned and wanted to know if anyone here could help me see things from his perspective (so far, no dice)."
"In the comments, I said that my daughter isn’t that upset."
"That’s not because he’s like this all the time."
"This is just a symptom of her autism."
"He has since apologized to both of us and is currently taking her to the market to pick up a treat of her choosing."
"We’re gonna talk this out more tomorrow and see where we go from here."
"I’m not sure if we’ll stay together, but my parents split up on a major holiday, and I’m not doing that to my kid."
"I don’t need to ruin Halloween when any other day will suffice."
"Thank you for all of your support."
"I will certainly be keeping your comments in mind."
"First, I want to clear some stuff up: when I said that my daughter didn’t seem upset, I did not mean that there’s no chance she was internalizing anything."
"It was more a matter of trying to explain that the day wasn’t beyond salvageable."
"When it comes to my kid’s emotions, I try to take things one day at a time based on her behavior rather than projecting what I think her emotions 'should' be."
"I am also autistic, so the comments insinuating that I don’t know anything about autism were kind of funny."
"My main focus yesterday was giving my kid a good Halloween, and I think I pulled it off."
"I know that some of you wanted the instant gratification of me deciding to leave my husband right then and there, but my daughter’s well-being is my priority, and I don’t think doing all of that directly in front of her on Halloween is going to help."
"My husband and I were already dealing with marital issues, and I’ll admit that this did make me view him differently, which is why tomorrow we’re setting up an appointment with a family therapist."
"I’m not sure whether or not our marriage can be salvaged, but I want to get to the root of this because even if he doesn’t continue to be my husband, he will still be her father, and eating her Halloween candy isn’t going to hold up in family court as a reason to deny his parental rights."
"This is not a reflection of how he always is as a parent, but it is deeply concerning, and I refuse to allow it to become a trend with him."
"I also do want to clarify that he does more with her than what I mentioned in the comments, but if someone asked what I do as a parent, I’d probably say that I handle bedtime and getting her ready for school... LOL."
"He’s the one who takes her to the doctor when she’s sick, he’s in regular contact with her teacher, and he’s been teaching her math at home because we don’t think the school is doing enough in that regard."
"I’m not saying he’s a perfect parent."
"He obviously isn’t."
"I’m just saying that a single Reddit post can’t encompass an entire person’s relationship to their child."
"As for the torn bag, I should clarify that while it was pretty ripped up, it wasn’t more intense than how he opens damn near anything."
"It’s a genuine problem, and it broke my heart, but I really don’t think it was malicious."
"Just sh*tty behavior from someone acting like a greedy child."
"If I hadn’t seen him do that with countless other containers, I probably would’ve dedicated more of the post to talking about that."
"I’m not excusing what he did."
"It’s just more about him being a mess than him genuinely hating his own kid."
"On to the more fun part: The rest of the day went better than I could have hoped for."
"She watched Halloweentown and ate a ton of ice cream to make up for the lost candy."
"Her dad took her grocery shopping (her favorite thing to do) and to the park."
"We carved a jack-o-lantern together."
"We visited my grandparents and aunties."
"And she even trick-or-treated a bit before deciding to pack it in. "
"My goal for the day was to create a ton of good memories to hopefully outweigh the bad, and while I know that probably isn’t possible, I got as close as I could have."
"We’ll deal with the fallout day by day, but I’m not going to make things harder on her than they need to be."
"Some tough decisions need to be made, but she doesn’t need to be in the room for them."
"Especially not on Halloween."
This is a rough situation, OP.
It's great to hear the day was salvageable.
