Not everybody is a fan of birthdays.
Some people just like to let the day pass without any fanfare.
But people can put on a smile and celebrate when they're forced to.
But what happens when they're forced to eat a cake that feels like anything but a gift?
Redditor u/JordanKnoxOfficial wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA For Not Eating The Cake My B[oy]F[riend]'s Dad Made?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"So my birthday was last week, and I’m not usually the type of person to take my birthday very seriously; I just kind of stay inside like it’s a whole other day."
"My boyfriend’s parents take birthdays pretty seriously, so all day they were surprising me with gifts and food."
"Which I all appreciated."
"I was very, very grateful and even cried when his mom gave me a keychain of a game that I had only mentioned once in the whole time I'd known her."
"After all the guests had left, his dad told me that he had one last surprise for me and that it was gonna be special."
"I was already a little nervous because of everything that had already gone on that day."
"I was feeling very, very tired, and my social battery was on low."
"His dad then walked out with a big 8 x 8 cake, and it was an upside-down pineapple cake."
"I immediately thanked him and gave him a hug, telling them that this was the best birthday ever."
"We sliced up the cake, and I realized that there was pineapple on it."
"I am absolutely not a fan of pineapple."
"If I take one bite out of it, the texture makes me gag."
"I was picking up the cake trying to eat around the pineapple, but the whole cake tasted like a pineapple to me, and I was having a hard time eating it."
"His dad noticed and asked me if I didn’t like the cake, to which I said it’s not that I just had a lot of food today and the alcohol isn’t sitting right in my stomach."
"I asked my boyfriend to finish the cake, to which he said he couldn’t, so I said I’m going to take it upstairs and try to eat it slowly."
"When I got upstairs, I did throw the cake away because I didn’t want to be rude or hurt my boyfriend’s dad's feelings."
"When my boyfriend got upstairs, he noticed the cake in the trash can and started yelling at me that I was ungrateful and picky."
"He then took the trash can downstairs and showed his dad that I had not finished the cake, which did upset him."
"I explained to him that my stomach has just really been hurting and that my stomach was being sensitive, but that made him feel worse, saying he should’ve brought it out earlier."
"I thanked him for it again, but I could tell he was upset and my boyfriend looked pissed."
"After getting ready for bed and going home, my boyfriend said he couldn’t believe how rude I was to his dad."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I the a**hole? Was I being too picky?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Your boyfriend is the major a**hole, and you deserve better." ~ HappyHavoc20
"Keep his kind parents, leave the boyfriend."
"He hurt his own father needlessly."
"Or maybe ask him why he did that when he knew it would be hurtful to his father."
"See if he can explain his thought process rationally."
"He should have had a conversation with you at the time, not dragged his sweet parents into this."
"If he still thinks that was the right way, then that is the way he handles his emotions- without regard to who all he may hurt."
"That is a parade of red flags."
"I will say, though, you didn't have to throw it away right there in their trash can or where anyone could see it."
"If your finances allow, maybe take his parents out to lunch or bring them their favorite takeout for dinner (ask them what they'd like)."
"Say you just want them to have a relaxed evening after doing so much for you on your birthday and making you feel so special and loved."
"Then, when you take the food over, with wine, flowers, and a thank-you card with a heartfelt note, hopefully you can apologize again (now that some time has passed), and explain that you literally cannot eat pineapple, but the cake looked so beautiful, and it was so special that you really wanted to but couldn't."
"Didn't mean to waste any."
"My son-in-law will not eat anything that looks, tastes, or smells like pineapple."
"My younger daughter loves pineapple, but is allergic to raw pineapple, so pineapple cake it is, and pineapple on pizza, and pineapple on the grill when sil is not around, or separate pineapple-free dessert side by side." ~ Firm_Hyena5886
"You tried to be respectful and discreet, but once he called you out ON YOUR birthday, no less."
"You should have just said you hate pineapple and didn't want to make him feel bad, so you tried your best and didn't want to hurt his feelings."
"Also, get a boyfriend who respects your preferences."
"There is nothing wrong with having preferences."
"I am a picky eater."
"I know someone who has A[voidant]/R[estrictive] F[ood] I[ntake] D[isorder], and so I am super sensitive to people who are mean to people who are picky eaters."
"It isn't like you want to not like pineapple, but you do."
"And personally, I love pineapple fresh, but absolutely hate it cooked, and so I would also hate upside-down pineapple cake for my birthday."
"Anyways, you are who you are, and you can't help that your genetics, tongue, and brain make you dislike certain foods."
"You have one life to live."
"Don't live it with people who hurt you and make you feel bad." ~ Jacgaur
"NTA and your boyfriend is a MAJOR AH."
"I have severe sensory issues with pineapple too, same exact gag reflex."
"My MIL made a pineapple ham for my birthday, and I tried to power through it to be polite and literally threw up at the table."
"You did the mature thing; you tried to eat around it, you didn't make a scene."
"HIM taking the trash downstairs to SHOW his dad like you're a child on trial??"
"That's humiliating and abusive behavior."
"That man does not like you." ~ Bubbly_Girll
"Send them a card thanking them again and explaining that you don't like pineapple."
"Let them know you appreciate the effort and there's no way they would have known about your aversion."
"Don't tell your boyfriend about the card; send or deliver it."
"If he makes you look like the bad guy again to them, you know you've got a bigger problem than a cake." ~ mapleflavouredmango
"ESH. Lose the BF."
"Be honest about your likes and dislikes from the get-go."
"'I'm so sorry, but I've had an issue with pineapple all my life. The flavor makes me gag. I appreciate what you've done, and I'll be happy if you all enjoy it for me.'"
"No one's going to argue with that." ~ Lawrence_of_Nigeria
"Pineapple is divisive, so making that particular cake was a bold move on the dad's part, in my opinion."
"Unless you'd specifically said you liked it, I personally would not have gone that route."
"That said, I think the boyfriend showing his dad seems a bit dramatic."
"He could've asked you about it privately and waited until the next day to say, 'Hey, Dad, [GF] really appreciated the cake, but she doesn't really like pineapple."
"I dunno."
"NTA, but your boyfriend sounds like kind of a jerk for putting you in a weird spot."
"Sometimes people just don't like pineapple, man..." ~ Leveilleur11
"Folks need to not make birthdays about themselves instead of the birthday person."
"It blows my mind that your boyfriend came to bust you for throwing away cake you did not want to eat."
"It’s cake! If you don’t love it, you shouldn’t have to eat it."
"The entire point is supposed to bring you joy."
"So if they are driving themselves crazy trying to make you eat a cake they brought, when you tried to be polite instead of telling them you don’t like pineapple, that’s them being assholes, not you. NTA." ~ ImprovementPutrid441
"NTA, the father should have asked what flavor you like."
"Pineapple cake sucks if it's not something you like."
"It's not one of those cakes you can really force yourself to eat because it has fresh fruit and like the whole thing gets sugary and pineapple." ~ roseifyoudidntknow
"NTA, but your boyfriend needs to get a f**king grip... lol."
"You thanked his dad, hugged him, and appreciated the effort."
"You didn't launch the cake at the wall and tell the man to take his pineapple and shove it up his ar*e."
"You don't like pineapple."
"It's no a f**king personality flaw."
"I get that his dad was trying to do something nice, and aye, it probably hurt his feelings when he found out you didn't eat it."
"But appreciating somebody's effort doesnae mean you need to force food doon yer throat just tae protect their feelings."
"And your boyfriend taking the cake out of the bin to show his dad?"
"What is he, the f**king cake police?"
"Absolutely embarrassing behavior."
"Next time, just be honest and say you don't like pineapple, but you really appreciate the thought."
"It'll save you the whole bloody courtroom drama."
"Verdict: NTA."
"His dad deserves appreciation for the effort, but you deserve to have food preferences without being treated like an ungrateful wee b*stard." ~ Scottish-Kunt
Reddit is with you, OP.
You could've been honest right away, but you were trying not to be rude.
Your BF's actions are out of line.
Don't let him make you feel bad.
