It's always a risk to make a joke at someone else's expense.
When you know the person well enough, it's understandable to think that you are then entitled to poke fun at parts of their personality because of how well you know them.
After all, it's only a harmless joke, right?
Well, not always.
More often than not, the people who find themselves the butt of said jokes find them anything but harmless.
Redditor ttmxg was not laughing when her fiancé made fun of her in front of his colleagues.
So much so, that she wasn't afraid to clap right back at him, something he did not take well at all.
Unsettled by his reaction, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for bragging about me being multilingual when my fiancé made fun of my accent?"
The OP shared how she did not appreciate being made fun of by her fiancé for mispronouncing a word after she went to great lengths to learn his language.
"Sorry English isn't my first language."
"So I (26 F[emale]) been with my fiancé (26 M[ale]) for 2 years and six months ago moved to his home country."
"I stayed at home for three months self learning Swedish and finally now I'm comfortable to speak it around and I understand conversations and stuff."
"At work everyone speaks English, but now during social gatherings with family and friends I'm trying to be less shy and speak up, even if my Swedish is broken."
"We were having an after work with my fiancé and his colleagues and I mispronounced a word and he made a joke ''she is a work in progress'."
"Then I made another mistake and he said 'well, should we switch to English so you won't keep embarrassing yourself?'".
"And all his colleagues laughed."
"I got annoyed an answered in Swedish ''Well, when you manage to speak 7 languages like I do you will be allowed to make fun of me, at least I'm trying, now excuse me'."
"And I left without saying goodbye to anyone, so that's when I think I was rude and kinda cocky."
"My fiancé got home saying I humiliated him and made a fool of myself in front of his colleagues."
"So am I the AH??"
"Should i have played along?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for clapping back at her fiancé.
Everyone agreed that the OP's fiancé shouldn't have made such a hurtful joke if he couldn't handle one himself, and that the OP should be nothing but proud of the fact that she speaks seven languages.
"NTA."
"He humiliated you, and expected you to sit there and take it?"
"He could have asked if you would be more comfortable if they all switched to English instead of insulting you with the suggestion."
"So, really, he humiliated himself when his partner wouldn't accept being treated like a jerk by him."-animaniactoo.
"NTA, that was really a**holish if him."-DontNeedThePoints.
"NTA Nobody should be ever made fun of if he/she is trying to learn a new language."
"Nor should you be feel ashamed to make mistakes whilst speaking that new language."
"When my wife was learning my language, I was supportive and just corrected her in private."
"Never did I use her mistakes as possibility to make cheap jokes in social occasions, I mean what kind of an AH does that?!?"-Sgt_Rokka.
"Hey OP, I'm Swedish."
"My mother is not, so her Swedish isn't perfect (albeit really good)."
'I was born and raised here in Stockholm and I know MANY foreigners."
"I live with one as well."
"So I know when I'm talking about when I say the following.'
"It's extremely uncommon for Swedish people to laugh at foreigners who are trying to learn the language."
"Swedish might seem easy but it's not."
"You're NTA."
"I would however reconsider your relationship if I were you."
"Det låter nämligen som att du är tillsammans med ett rövhål :)"
"Hit me up if you're in Sthlm and want to hang out with more normal, accepting Swedes.'
"I'm a female in my 30s."-ProgrammerBig6254.
"NTA."
"As someone who grew up in Sweden, I have the privilege of being able to pronounce certain sounds that doesn't occur in other languages and that are super hard to learn if you weren't taught to pronounce them as a kid."
"I have several friends who've lived here for years and they still struggle with pronouncing certain words."
"It's Swedish as a language that's the problem, not you."
"Kudos for standing up to them!"
"Also, Swedish banking guys in their 20s usually suck, especially those from Stockholm."
"Based on your comments I can see that you've managed to find some real gems!"- -Lunipuni-.
"I am learning my husband's native language, and I do my best to speak it whenever we're with his friends and family."
"They correct me, because I asked them to."
"They may laugh when I say something unintentionally funny, but they explain the joke."
"None of them, none, would ever laugh at me for an honest mistake."
"NTA."
"Your husband is mad because you called out his cruelty in public."
"He's an a**hole, and I'm furious on your behalf."-tremynci.
"He jokes at your expense, in front of his friends, when you're clearly making an effort."
"And you moved to another country for him."
"NTA."-SelectionNeither452.
"NTA."
"Also, I have to warn you about Swedes, and no I am not making this up."
"They put banana on pizza."
"You should come to Norway instead."-quirkyhermit.
"NTA."
"If he's that easily humiliated he should be used to it."-Ribbon-.
"Are those people who laughed at you Swedes?"
"I worked on some projects for our Swedish office and all the people l met were really nice about my language."
"They teased me a little bit, l'm also a woman working in IT, but in a very sweet and not-offensive way."
"No one l've met in Sweden ever made me feel bad about my basic Swedish."
"I dońt think it's in their DNA."-panlevap.
"I'm sorry but what?"
"You TAUGHT YOURSELF SWEDISH in THREE MONTHS? "
"Unless your native language is Norwegian, that's an insanely incredibly feat and even if your native language IS Norwegian, it's pretty damn impressive."
"NTA."
"You go girl."
"You're a complete linguistic rockstar."
"Find a man who deserves you and respects you when you try your best to fit in."
"If you were saying things that were unknowingly embarrassing, he could have easily switched the conversation to English with NO comment whatsoever."
"Instead he chose to demean you in front of his friends."
"This is not the sign of a man who respects your work in learning his language IN TWELVE GODDAMN WEEKS."- hannahmel.
"Yes, you should've 'played along', but I think you did, just not the way he would've liked."
"If he said it to joke around or lighten the mood, your comments to him were playing along."
"If he did it to embarrass you then you also played along and gave him an out as to not make it awkward."
"Because listening to a couple argue or trying to put the other down is never fun."
"NTA."
"I do find it a bit odd that he would make fun of your accent though."
"I'm Norwegian, and I know that other Norwegians and Swedes love to hear that someone learns their language and doesn't care much about a mispronunciation or saying something wrong."
"At most one might laugh if the meaning makes it funny."
"Not that every swede has to be the same of course, but that makes me think he might be self-conscious or jealous of you can speak so many languages."
"Swedish being the thing he's 'better' than you at."- haveitgood.
"Another day on AITA, another a**hole fiancé throwing out a parade of red flags."
"You're NTA, but I would heavily, heavily consider picturing exactly how happy your future is going to be with a guy who not only seems ungrateful that you've made the huge sacrifice of moving to his home country and learning the language, but is actively looking for opportunities to belittle and humiliate you in front of people."
"Spoiler alert: you're going to be desperately miserable if you stay with this man."-elag19.
'You really speak in 7 languages?!? "
"Wow you must be proud and your fiance too."
"Instead of shaming you, he should brat about you like:'Hey you know she speaks in 7 languages?'"
"Espero que español sea uno de esos 7 idiomas."
"Siente orgullosa de tener esos conocimientos y no permitas que él te humille por cometer errores cuando lo mas probable el solo sabe hablar 1 idioma."
"NTA!"
It is pretty surprising that the OP's fiancé would get so upset at her for making at his expense immediately after he did the same thing to her.
One can only hope he'll think a little more carefully next time he makes a joke.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.