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Groom Livid After Sister Rejects His Fiancée’s Offer To Be Bridesmaid Due To Work Schedule

An upset bride gnaws at her pinky finger

Being a part of a wedding is an honor.

But soon after you accept the invitation to be part of the show, you learn there may be certain caveats involved.

One of the biggest issues is time.

There is only so much time to give to a wedding that’s not yours.

This can cause stress for the bride and groom.

Case in point…

Redditor Blueberry_Rumor4918 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for declining to be a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My brother Harold is engaged to Lillian, and she asked me to be a bridesmaid.”

“I politely declined and explained why I couldn’t.”

“Harold and Lillian are extremely unhappy with my decision.”

“I’m a fire marshal.”

“I know it’s called different things in different countries – my office investigates fires.”

“Since fires don’t just happen from Monday to Friday during business hours, I work all different shifts, including overnight and on weekends.”

“When Harold and Lillian announced their wedding date (shortly after the engagement and long before I was asked to be a bridesmaid), I checked my work schedule.”

“My schedule is rotating and goes in a pattern, so I can see it years in advance.”

“I was scheduled to work on the day of the wedding.”

“I arranged to switch with another marshal, so I’m not working the day of the wedding.”

“I’ve made sure I don’t have to work and can attend the wedding and reception. Otherwise that I’d be starting work before the ceremony starts and not finishing until after the reception ends.”

“To be a bridesmaid, I would be expected to go to Lillian’s dress appointments.”

“To go on the group shopping trip to purchase the bridesmaid dresses.”

“To help put them together, host, and clean up at the bridal shower.”

“To go to the hair and makeup trial appointment.”

“To help plan and go to the bachelorette party.”

“To assist with things like making the centerpieces and decorating the reception room, to go to the wedding rehearsal and dinner, and more.”

“Lilian has been upfront about the commitment she wants.”

“However, with my work schedule, I can’t possibly do all that.”

“The dates and times for those aren’t set and have to work around Lillian’s schedule foremost.”

“I asked Lillian if I could be a bridesmaid and just go to the wedding and nothing else.”

“She said no.”

“She wants her bridesmaids committed to those things.”

“My sister asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and I couldn’t do it for similar reasons, on top of being in the middle of the biggest case of my career in the lead-up to her wedding.”

“My sister understood and didn’t flip out as Lillian and Harold did.”

“I explained the same things I did to my sister back then to both Lillian and Harold and also reminded Harold that I wasn’t able to be a bridesmaid for our sister.”

“I thanked Lillian for asking for me, and because I was trying to make up for not being able to be a bridesmaid I offered to pay for Lillian’s hair and makeup separately from my gift.”

“Harold and Lillian said that’s not good enough and said I’m exaggerating my work situation.”

“They want me to change my mind.”

“Both of them are self-employed and control their own work schedules.”

“Harold said I should just leave early or not go to work but if there’s a fire or investigation, that’s not how it works, and I can’t just leave.”

“I didn’t think politely declining would be a big deal but Harold and Lillian flipped out, and other people are getting involved and saying I was wrong.”

“Now I’m not sure because I’m getting so much pushback.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. Not your fault that they are incapable of understanding the world does not revolve around them.” ~ HurricaneBells

“The fact that her brother KNEW OP wasn’t in her own sister’s wedding for these reasons and STILL is angry and saying that her gift of makeup isn’t enough shows he and his fiance are entitled people.”

“OP was very patient and now should just hang up whenever they bother her or leave if they do it in person.”

“They’ll eventually get the message. NTA.” ~ Jedisilk015

“Seriously. When I got married, I didn’t have my party make centerpieces – that was the florist’s job.”

“And we didn’t decorate.”

“But that’s because my reception was at a hotel, which is already decorated.”

“Sounds like this is pretty DIY, or the bride is over the top.”

“My bachelorette party was pre-gaming at a friend’s beach rental, then beach bar after.”

“They didn’t come to any of my dress shopping because they all lived 1.5 hrs away. I went with my mom.”

“And if any of my girls had declined the invite, I would’ve pouted, but that’s it.”

“You can’t force someone to be a Bridesmaid or Maid of Honor.”

“Like, what planet do they live on???”

“Oh yeah, the planet where they’re either being cheap or trying to save money by extorting friends/family. NTA.”  ~ Live_Carpet6396

“My wedding was easy.”

“A friend made my dress and my husband’s great kilt.”

“I asked my Maid of Honor what she wanted to wear, and she had a lovely purple suit.”

“Another friend wanted to stand up as well, so I told her to wear what she liked, just make it purple.”

“Steve’s best men wore button-down shirts, vests, and jeans. Their choice.”

“Our friends threw us a shower party and bought us a grill. No rehearsal.”

“On the day, some of the guests put together a flower bower in the park across the drive from the hall, everyone gathered in a circle, and our friend played us in with violin.”

“Afterwards, we went into the hall, had a potluck and a music party.”

“No stress and it was a perfect day.” ~ trappergraves

“Yes, OMG I was a bridesmaid for my brother and my sister (well actually, for my brother I was a grooms woman) and I will never do it for anyone else.”

“It’s so much work, and it can be expensive (my brother’s wedding was expensive, my sister’s wedding was not).”

“Anyone can say no to being in the wedding party even if the reason is they just don’t want to do all that stuff. OP is NTA.”  ~ pineapple1347

“Two people decided to get married, and all of a sudden, people are expected to drop everything to cater to them… especially the brides!”

“When they decide to have a baby, it becomes, oh give us baby things too!”

“Like, when does it end?”

“Where I’m from, we don’t stress bridesmaids. Food is paid for by the couple or their families.”

“Just wear a dress that is usually within the budget of the bridesmaids, and everyone agrees to.”

“Dance in with the couple and look cute in pictures.” ~ Illustrious-Cat-2645

“And imagine what would happen if OP accepted and then kept having to tell Bride she couldn’t make it to various mandatory bridesmaid preparation events?”

“Bride would make her life a living hell and would probably hold it over her head forever that she didn’t prioritize bride.”

“Bride is going to be mad in any event, so OP is smart to just avoid the whole thing from the start! NTA!” ~ Business_Remote9440

“And expecting that much free labor from anyone is absolutely ridiculous.”

“Not to mention the person doing all this work is also expected to pay for the pleasure of being your unpaid wedding help.”

“Buying a bridesmaid dress, shoes, jewelry.”

“Paying for hair, nails, and makeup.”

“Usually they are expected to pay for and help plan a bachelorette and possibly bridal shower.”

“It’s absolutely ridiculous, and no one should be asked to do any of that.”  ~ tabbycat4

“Weddings are such big productions now.”

“They waste so much time, money, and energy.”

“The prior years, all bridesmaids had to do was get fitted for a dress and show up.”

“Half the bridesmaid dresses we made ourselves, and we were rather pleased when the bride just found one in a store.”

“Now they are expected to help with wedding arrangements, host a shower, show up to fittings.”

“Plan and pay for exorbitant bachelorette or bachelor parties and tastings etc.”

“It’s not the bridesmaid/groomsman wedding.”

“I don’t understand why the bridal party is expected to be so involved in a wedding that is not theirs.”

“The bride is honoring the bridesmaid by asking them to stand by their side at the wedding.”

“It should not be the bridesmaid honoring the bride for months of planning parties and attention.”

“Forgot to add NTA.”  ~ sticksnstone

“For real. NTA.”

“You are absolutely never obligated to take on the financial and time commitment of being in someone’s wedding.”

“Politely declining because you are being honest about your ability to show up for her is not only the right thing to do.”

“But respectful and kind as you won’t end up being a source of stress and frustration for her.”

“They need to grow up, big time.”

“Your career is important to you, it seems.”

“And that’s perfectly okay.”

“Especially because you immediately made arrangements to be sure you could attend the actual day.”

“NTA at all.”  ~ Electronic-War-244

Well, OP, Reddit seems to be with you.

You have to prioritize.

You gave your availability.

That’s all you can do.

Stay strong.