Most parents try to lead by example.
Teaching their children that certain things in life must be earned, and as they enter adulthood, they need to start leveling their expectations of how much their parents can help them.
However, the older we get, there will come a point when children will need to step up and start helping their parents.
Even though they may often seriously wonder if their parents are worthy of their help.
Redditor tinyevilsponges grew up without getting much help from their father.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)'s father found himself in a dire situation, turning to his children for help.
Help the OP was very hesitant to offer, given their history.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA If I let my dad become homeless?"
The OP explained why they weren't losing that much sleep over the thought of their father losing his home:
"My (25 Non-Binary [NB]) dad (53 M[ale]) called me up yesterday, and the conversation was basically this."
"He is broke, he hasn’t been paying his mortgage, and unless he can find someone to borrow $30,000 from, he is going to lose the house."
"This isn’t much of a surprise."
"He has been in as much debt as the bank will let him take on for as long as I can remember."
"Apparently, after my grandpa died a few months ago, my dad thought he would receive a much bigger inheritance than he did, so he spent a lot of money he didn’t have."
"Something that is important to note is that he makes around $250,000 a year and provides no financial support to his adult children."
"He wouldn’t even pay the $50 a month it would have cost to put my little sister on his health insurance."
"I currently make $64,000 a year."
"There is no reason I should have more money than him."
"He didn’t get sick."
"He didn’t lose his job."
"He wasn’t hit by a natural disaster."
"He makes good money."
"The only thing that happens to his money is that he spends it."
"He has always had a spending problem."
"He buys cars, motorcycles, table saws, and so on."
"He has bought three different custom bikes because he wanted to get into cycling, and then left them outside to rust without using them once."
"And now he wants me to cut him a check for $30,000."
"I technically do have the money, but it would have to come from the down payment I’ve been saving to buy a house for myself, as well as my emergency fund."
"He says he will pay me back."
"I have my doubts."
"He used to borrow money from me when I was a child, and while he usually did pay me back, the amount of cajoling it took makes me not want to do it again."
"My wife (26 NB) says that it’s my dad and that they will support me in whatever I decide, but they seem sympathetic to his plight."
"Both of my sisters (22 F[emale] and 25 F) are saying to let him figure it out, whereas my brother (28 M) says that he is our dad and that if we want to be better than him, we have to act better than him."
"He also offered to cover part of the bill."
"Looking at the options, there are three I can come up with:"
"Give him $30,000."
"This is a complete nonstarter."
"I do not have $30,000 to burn on this."
"That money is for my wife and me to build our future."
"I can not give it away."
"Cosign on an apartment for him."
"His credit score is too low to sign for himself."
"The fact that he hasn’t been paying his mortgage implies to me that he would not pay his rent, so this is essentially signing up to pay his rent."
"Considering the fact that he makes 4x my annual income, this seems unfair."
"Let him figure it out."
"I think there is a good possibility that he will actually end up homeless."
"I don’t have space to list all the details, but he probably deserves it. It still feels wrong."
"I don’t really think there is a good option here."
"I want to do the right thing, but I’m not sure what the right thing is."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community vehemently agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole if he didn't help out his father.
Everyone agreed that if the OP loaned his father the money, there was no guarantee he would get himself out of the situation he put himself in, and needed to figure out how to get out of this mess himself:
"NTA."
"Enabling a high earning chronic spender by draining your own homes savings will only destroy your financial future."- VexytisNTA.
"Stop stop stop."
"Step 100 steps back from this and tell him he should go talk to a lawyer who does foreclosures/bankruptcy/debt and explore his options."
"All your options are utterly premature and bad."- pottersquash
"NTA."
"If he makes $250k per year he will not be homeless."
"He just won’t be able to keep his current home."
"Given his spending history, if you lend him this money you will never be repaid."
"It’s appalling that he’s asking for money at all given your relative incomes."
"Pro Tip: stop telling your Dad anything about your finances or savings."- Used_Mark_7911
"Let him figure it out."
"NTA."- kbug44
"NTA."
"This is an adult with a higher paying job than 90% of people."
"He needs to figure his life out."- dvlbrn89
"NTA and door #3."
"If he can't figure out housing on $250k, then this is a problem too big for you to try to solve too."- True-Button-6471
"NTA."
"He can sells a car or motorcycle or whatever it takes."
"He has the money."
"He just needs to liquidate his assets to get it."- AnIcyReception
"NTA."
"Don't involve yourself with his finances in any way."- DotBeech
"NTA."
"He is making making over $20k a month!"
"Do not bail him out!"
"The only way he will learn his lesson is to suffer through the problems he made for himself."- NotMyAltAccountToday
"He makes 250k a year, even if he loses the house he won't have to be homeless."
"He'll just not be a homeowner. NTA, he will just be in the same position again in 6 months."- SubarcticFarmer
"NTA."
"Lmao no."
"He's a leech."
"Please work on this in therapy, not on reddit."- thoracicbunk
"Definitely do not cosign an apartment for him."
"Then you're LEGALLY obligated when he doesn't pay his rent."
"If he can't pay his mortgage, he's not suddenly going to become responsible and start paying his rent when he also knows you are legally on the hook for it."
"At least you can choose to give him money and have it not become a legal obligation."
"That being said, I also wouldn't choose to give him money, but it kind of depends on your relationship with your dad and whether you hope to preserve it."
"You haven't given a lot of information in your post about your relationship with your dad, other than that he's stingy and hasn't supported you or your siblings, which makes me think you should not give him the money."
"But that could also damage your relationship with him, so that's a decision only you could make."
"I don't think the choice is between $30,000 and $0."
"You could, for example, offer to pay his rent for the next three months and/or a security deposit without agreeing to cosign the lease with him."
"You would be well within your rights to give him nothing, I want to be clear."
"NTA."- why_renaissance
"NTA."
"My husband makes about $150k a year and we're fine despite my income being laughable and both of us having a lot of health expenses."
"Your dad is in this position because he keeps making bad choices."
"Don't let his bad choices become your problem."
"He could probably come up with that 30k in a few months if he stops being so damn irresponsible."- Anonymous_Sad_Person
"NTA."
"He can move into a residential motel."- desertboots
"NTA."
"Don't let him take you down with him."- itsmecinder
"NTA."
"This is his problem to manage."
"Unusual to see it in this direction; usually in these questions it's the child asking."
"He should declare bankruptcy."
"The primary residence is protected from seizure, and he can reclaim the mortgage while shedding the other debts."
"This is also a good lesson in keeping your financial situation private."
"If you hadn't revealed to him that you have the money, he wouldn't be asking for it now."- dwasifar
Most people want to repay their parent's kindness and generosity when they reach adulthood.
Those who do, however, grew up with loving, kind parents.
And in truth, should the OP not give their father the money, they will, in fact, be repaying their father's generosity.
As they will be teaching him a lesson in financial responsibility that all parents teach their children.
