We've all at one point uttered the phrase "my door is always open" to a loved one.
Only to discover that some people might take that expression a bit too literally.
While all of us want to help out a friend or family member who is struggling, there are an unfortunate number of people out there who view generosity as an opportunity to freeload.
Redditor RMAutosport and their wife recently purchased their first home.
What the original poster (OP) did not expect was that they would be sharing their new home with their in-laws.
A decision the OP told her husband needed to end, and soon, much to their wife's dismay.
After their wife accused them of being unsupportive, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors;
"AITAH for wanting to kick my family out, even if that means they end up homeless?"
The OP explained why they felt they needed to show their wife's family the door:
"My wife and I purchased our first home a year ago and wanted to make sure we had a guest room for visitors to stay with us."
"My wife’s family (5 people) wants to buy a home too but are nowhere near where they need to be to be able to purchase, so they are staying with us to 'save money'.”
"They have been staying with us for 3 months, and they have been able to save… $200."
"My wife approved this whole situation and is charging $0 for rent."
"Meanwhile, I am picking up extra shifts at work to bring in additional income since my water usage has doubled, my electricity has tripled, and my grocery budget has skyrocketed since they arrived."
"I can figure out the finances aspect, but it’s the lack of respect for our home that gets under my skin."
"There are small things like leaving lights on, leaving the front/back door open, leaving the bathroom door open after pooping."
"But then there’s the fact that my nephews treat my loft area exactly like their bedrooms with dirty clothes either piled up on the floor or spread out onto our couch in the loft."
"Their two dogs pee on everything outside, including the grill and my daughter’s toys; one of them poops in the house occasionally."
"Just to name some of the issues."
"I just feel like I am having to act like I am a guest in my own home, having to change my ways and opinions because it makes them uncomfortable."
"Cannot be critical of any situation in my own home."
"I have given them until Jan 1st to figure it out, but my wife says I’m an a**hole for not supporting them while they are figuring things out."
"I have expressed that I will be more lenient if they gave me control of their finances so that I can control their spending habits and let them stay as long as they need, but I’m still an a**hole apparently for even suggesting that."
"So…..am I REALLY the a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was doing the right thing by demanding they ask their in-laws to move out.
Everyone agreed that the OP's in-laws were taking advantage of their generosity, with many urging the OP to push forward the move-out date, and a few even wondering if the OP should ask their wife to move out as well if she continued to defend their freeloading:
"Jan 1 is waaaaaaay too long."
"You are wildly underreacting."- Electrical_Angle_701
"They are there to save money, which they are not doing."
"Why?"
"Do they work, or do they think savings just fall from heaven?"
"Time to get them moving."
"January 1 is months away."
"Why should you support them all?"- Top-Bit85
"You have a way bigger wife issue."
"She brought in her feral family at 0 rent, and you have zero way to get them out."
"Any attempt can and will be shut down by her because 'family'."- Glittering_Wheel_226
"Until January 1 (if you’re lucky) is a longgggg time to financially support rude people and simultaneously give up your own peace and stability."
"Grow a backbone, dude."
"NTA but you would be the a**hole to yourself to let this go on."- Middle_Care978
"They aren’t saving money- they’re stealing it from you along with your peace."
"NTA."
"Give them 30 days."
"GTFO."
"And your wife can get a damned job and support them if she wants."
"But not at y'all's house."
"Asking to control their finances is just stupid."
"Drop that and just get them out."- AngryPrincessWarrior
"NTA."
"They are never leaving."
"They aren’t even pretending to try to save money to leave."
'The fact that you are funding all of their living expenses and they only saved $200 is laughable."
"You have a wife problem, not an in-law problem."
"Don’t wait until January."- Rulebreaker15
"I'd kick them out, although if it was me I'd never have let them stay."
"NTA imo."
"Respect other people's stuff."- Particular_Plum_1458
"NTA."
"Your wife is manipulating you to be a doormat."- Boomhauer_Jeff
"NTA."
"But you need to be clear with your wife on a timeline for their stay, what additional responsibilities and costs you are taking on, set clear expectations from her on what she is doing, and then go down the list of issues you have shared with her and get a resolution."
"If she cant offer one, then she has no plans either, meaning it's about time you start cutting your losses."
"Chances are they don't plan to leave and your spouse also knows it."- Intelligent_Read_697
"NTA."
"If they have only saved 200 in 3 months, how tf were they paying rent?"
"If they aren't paying rent, any utilities, or food, they should be saving a MINIMUM of 1.5-2k/mo."
"Tell your wife to sit down with them and go over their spending for the months they've been with you and she'll see the issue real quick."- SpookyGeist01
"NTA."
"You have a serious wife problem."
"And your marriage will probably never recover from this."
"She just plops her trash family in for, sh*t, the rest of time and you don’t even get the courtesy of a conversation?"
"Hate to say it, bud, but I think you two are done."
"I hope not, but how tf do you recover from something like this?"- your-mom04605
"Tell your wife she has to get a job to cover the extra water, electric & groceries."- yabadababoho
"NAH man."
"You have 30 days to get out. Idc if it makes me the AH. $200 saved in 3 months without having to pay rent or utilities and eating someone else's food."
"Nope."
"The lack of respect not just from the family but from your wife should be the final straw."
"If she doesn't like it she can go with them."- TrainingFormal181
"Whose name is on the lease?"
"Tell your wife to start working or leave them all."
"NTA."- CozyCookie72
"1st Jan!"
"Absolutely not, they have no respect for you whatsoever and aren’t paying for anything, not even food, by the sounds of it."
"I would be telling them to leave now."
"No doubt they will be expecting Christmas dinner and presents all at your expense."
"The only person you are being an AH to is yourself, especially with picking up extra shifts to support them."- Regular_Look_1962
"It's your house, you are paying for everything, so no, you are NTA."
"What kind of nonsense is this."
"They can rent and too bad if they can't afford to buy."- CorneliaCordelia
"If you’re allowing them to stay until January, then it’s your wife’s turn to work more hours, to cover what her family has notched up in bills."
"After 3 months they have saved 200 quid, that’s it."
"Okay, so they’ll have enough money for a house in 2090."
"Insanity."
"And the fact these leeches have two dogs they cant afford is awful."
"You’re being played for a fool."
"Give them till October or you’re going to end up hating them and resenting your wife."
"This could end your marriage; it would for sure end mine."
"NTA."
"Good luck to you."- Bratfink78
It was very generous of the OP and their wife to open their home to help the OP's in-laws get back on their feet.
That is, if the OP's in-laws were actually trying to get back on their feet.
Instead, they seemed to have found an opportunity for free room and board.
Despite what the OP's wife may think, one of the most supportive things the OP can do is give their in-laws a reality check in hopes of getting their lives together.
