Bras have a lot of nicknames. Most of the ones that come from the people who actually wear them involve the level of pain and discomfort they inflict.
Yet some people insist women must wear a bra at all times no matter what. That’s the position one husband took.
After a disagreement with his wife about her bras, he decided to consult the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor PersonalizedGilt asked:
“AITA for refusing to go out in public with my wife when she won’t wear a bra?”
“I’ve been married for almost 20 years. Lately my wife has started to go out in public braless.”
“She’ll wear a t-shirt and it leaves almost nothing to the imagination. She complains that it’s not comfortable to wear a bra and it’s too hot outside.”
“I don’t care if she goes braless in the house but out in public is a different story. Most people don’t want to see a middle aged woman’s breasts bouncing around in a store.”
“The ones who do are looking at her in a sexual manner. I’m embarrassed to be seen with her bra free.”
“I’m constantly worried that I’m going to run into people I know. She’s spent her whole life wearing a bra in public and never had a problem before.”
“Last weekend we went to Walmart and it was obvious the cashier was staring at her. I don’t like the idea of people getting their jollies from staring at my wife’s boobs.”
“I told her I won’t go out in public with her anymore if she doesn’t wear a bra. It would be more comfortable for me to wear my underwear in public too but there’s social etiquette.”
“She believes it’s her body and her right to not wear a bra.”
“I think it’s selfish.”
“I don’t see how wearing a bra can be that uncomfortable. Almost all women wear bras in public.”
While Redditors had a variety of options to respond with, the overwhelming majority decided the husband deserved a YTA vote, meaning he is the a**hole.
“I love how he uses “all women wear one” as proof that it’s not uncomfortable. No OP, it means that a lot of us are uncomfortable.” ~ Pawpawgit
“Did you also catch the bit about ‘No one wants to see a middle aged woman’s boobs bouncing around’ followed by ‘people are getting their jollies looking at her boobs’?”
“Can we maybe pick a side here? No. [His arguments] all suck.”
“My dude… I have been married for 20 years. This likely puts us in a similar age group and I have to say, on behalf of your wife, one middle aged girl standing up for another, you can f’k right off.”
“Please feel free to wear a cup every time you go out in public, preferably with a pair of tight fitting jeans. After, lets say, 30 years of this, we’ll revisit this conversation and see what you think of wrangling your junk in an uncomfortable contraption every time you go out in public.”
“For the entire 30 year period, you can go ahead and keep yer yap shut about your wife’s decision to bra or no bra. Any time you fail to keep your yap shut, she can snap your cup.”
“I mean, why not relive a little of the fun we had growing up getting our bra straps snapped publicly. If this doesn’t seem agreeable to you, well, then you can just shut up and let your wife make her own choices.”
“Wait. No. You can shut up and let your wife make her own choices either way. YTA.” ~ slydog4100
“Hey bro, it’s 2020. We’re not policing what women wear anymore. And YTA.” ~ chickenpickkle
Twelve Redditors thought there were no a**holes (NAH) in this situation.
But most of their justifications included references to breasts being sex organs that men are helpless to resist which did not go over well.
“NAH. As a woman with larger boobs I understand your position and bras can be uncomfortable especially if you are not wearing ones that match your size.”
“Your wife can wear what she likes and technically you are in no position to police her but that doesn’t mean you cannot be uncomfortable with it.”
“There is something like social etiquette and contrary to the popular opinion breasts are a secondary sexual characteristics. I don’t understand the idea that breasts are these things that no one should care about and to those who do you clearly don’t understand evolution, biology and sexual selection.”
“I know men look at boobs in a sexual way and people should stop trying to shame that. That also means that it will make some partners uncomfortable having their wife ogled at and honestly your wife should have a little more sympathy for your position.”
“If this post was about a guy wearing shorts where his penis shape would be clearly visible then people would say he is a pervert so much for double standard. You have to make concessions in a relationship.”
“I’m sure your wife asks you to do something you don’t want and you oblige. People on reddit have very out of touch with the reality opinions so probably not the best place to ask for advice.”
“I would try to tell your wife your position from a perspective that shows her you do mind because you love her and don’t want people to look at her as it makes you feel jealous/bad. This will resonate better than doing it in a patronizing way.” ~ olichka8
“There is a difference between genitals and breasts. Are you someone who agrees with the comparison that ‘oh if she can breastfeed in public I can whip my dick out’?”
“If a man was larger and had breasts would you make him wear a bra?”
“Like those are boobs [breast tissue]. Double standard right back at you.” ~ WatsonandDawson
One—only one—person stated the husband was right and his wife was the a**hole by voting NTA.
“NTA. I will be the unpopular opinion leader here and say I agree with your concerns of people eyeing your wife in a sexual manner and also following societal norms.”
“Not only does it make you uncomfortable seeing people stare but it can definitely start altercations with some weirdos. It’s unfair how women with smaller breasts can get away with it but I mean if a flat chested woman wore a baggy t shirt it barely shows… not much attention is set on her.”
“That’s just the fact of the matter. I also factor in that you’re married so I assume you are trying to protect her from perverts as you stated.”
“For the record I would also say the wife is the AH even if she was a 25 year old wearing a g string bikini at a family filled beach. There’s a Time and place for everything.”
“And for the people who will probably think I’m being sexist I’m not saying your wife is being overly sexual. It’s just the way things are, people sexualize big breasts.”
“And i just want to point out that as much as she’s uncomfortable with a bra on, doesn’t take away from how much her bra-less outfits makes you uncomfortable. It can be just as offensive to both sides.”
“No I don’t think you’re being sexist, just confused when she has been doing something a certain way for 20 years. I didn’t read many comments but I hope people aren’t bullying you into thinking you’re a terrible person.” ~ shedancesforher
And the Redditor was absolutely right.
Their hot take that women must wear things to protect men from sexualizing them was a very unpopular opinion.
“This is such a puritan American take I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Why is it assumed that she will never be ogled if she just wears a bra? That’s just not true. So the comment that she is being ‘protected’ is less than accurate, a better word would be ‘controlled’.”
“Also, I don’t know where you live but as far as I know there is a trend towards both braless looks and g string bikinis, so the social norms argument is pretty weak as well. News flash, a kid doesn’t care about a bikini when they are focused on their sandcastle, and a creep is going to find some way or another to be a creep.”
“OP is welcome to believe that adjusting his life to appease random creeps is the right way of doing things, but he has no authority over his wife’s bodily autonomy. They could easily compromise if they went shopping and found some outfits that didn’t require a bra and also obscured the nipple.”
“I have plenty of cute sundresses that work this way. However, he decides to instead proclaim that no compromise is possible, she MUST wear a bra and not only that, she must be lying about the discomfort she feels wearing them.”
“That’s what makes him TA.” ~ idgafboiiiii
“So his comfort and the comfort of others is more important than hers?”
“No, just no. She is allowed to be comfortable and so long as she isn’t breaking a dress code of the establishment they are in, she can wear whatever she damn well pleases.” ~ bluerose1197
“So your post is basically calling the wife an [a**hole] because she’s uncomfortable physically with wearing a bra and the husband is uncomfortable emotionally because he dislikes having his wife stared at in public?” ~ TheyMightBeDead
“He’s definitely the [a**hole] and you’re definitely sexist.”
“If he truly is trying to protect her he wouldn’t want her to go out alone.”
“Also men should be held accountable for overly sexualizing women. Boobs are natural, nothing to be embarrassed about.” ~ Hi_Yaa
The OP was clearly judged as being the a**hole. He has yet to return to provide any updates.