A potluck or a bring-and-share is a form of shared meal, often done within a group like a church, social club, civic organization, or workplace. Participants bring a dish of food to be shared with everyone.
It's a convenient way to have a shared meal in spaces that are used for purposes other than foodservice, like an office, while not requiring finding an event space. It's also a way to minimize the work or expenses for each individual when going to a restaurant is inconvenient or not feasible.
Some families or friend groups use potlucks for group meals on holidays or special events like Thanksgiving, Christmas, weddings, or graduations or for just regular picnics or barbecues.
The food is typically coordinated with people volunteering to bring side dishes, main courses, desserts, and sometimes items that don't require cooking like beverages, chips, condiments, paper goods or disposable utensils.
People who don’t contribute in any way may or may not be allowed to eat, depending on the setting and circumstances.
A potluck participating employee turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback on what to do about a coworker.
FragrantLetterhead asked:
"AITA for calling out a coworker during a potluck?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Yesterday we had a company potluck for our department (roughly 15) people, as a going away celebration for a coworker, let's call him Tom."
"Most people brought something, including Tom. Some coworkers didn't, which isn't normally a big deal. Except for our one coworker, we'll call Bob."
"Bob didn't bring anything, in fact I don't think I have ever seen Bob bring anything to a potluck and we have several a year."
"During our potlucks, we leave the food out for a bit, then put it in the refrigerator for people to snack on or eat when they get a chance during their shift. While we were all putting food away, Bob pulled out a few Tupperware containers and started filling them with food other people brought."
"I confronted Bob about it and he said that he didn't want to cook later after his shift, so he was bringing some food home. I told him that maybe those people who cooked that food would like to bring it home instead. Bob just shrugged and continued packing containers."
"He also grabbed a couple packs of cookies left out and threw them in his bag. I brought this up to a couple coworkers who did bring a lot of food, and they seemed reasonably upset."
"So AITA for calling Bob out and telling others what he did?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA as it’s just being greedy. Just put in the notice for the next potluck that taking home leftovers will be specifically for participating members, if you’re all in agreement." ~ pinkwineenthusiast
"Grabbing a plate to eat at work is one thing. Packing multiple containers to take home after contributing nothing is just rude." ~ RagscarGalden
"Not to mention other people haven't gotten their chance to eat some food yet. Some of them might not be able to have their share and it's all because of Bob's seizing the food early. He deserves to be called out." ~ IceSeeker
"Not to mention having the balls to bring Tupperware with him so that he can rob the potluck that he did not contribute to." ~ Altruistic_Ladder_19
"Bob didn't show up to a potluck. Bob showed up to a meal prep service he doesn't pay for." ~ NoAlbatross9824
"This rude a** behavior absolutely needs to be called out. I’m petty, I would bring that up during the next team/company meeting." ~ BUDDHAKHAN
"Sounds like Bob didn't even bother trying to be discreet. Bob mustn't care if he gets called out; still getting what he wanted is what matters far more to him." ~ usernameCJ
"NTA but next time specifically state that only individuals who actually contribute are allowed to participate. It's a potluck not a mooch off!" ~ Fun_Battle_5195
"NTA. Bob is upset he got called out for being incredibly selfish. Unless someone says, 'Hey everyone feel free to take XYZ home', you don't pack up leftovers of their dish."
"But this dude literally planned ahead, knew there'd be food at work, so he brought Tupperware to take other people's food after not contributing anything. He 100% deserved to be called out." ~ No_Essay_9664
"Who said Bob is upset? When confronted, he just shrugged and kept going about what he was doing." ~ Witty-Help-1822
"Yeah. He didn't care. Most people would be embarrassed and stop. Not Bob. Bob's got big balls. Bob needs consequences. Tell the boss you guys are upset about this and don't want it happening again. He's not going to listen to you." ~ Apart-Cream-4940
"Anyone who would have the nerve to bring Tupperware containers to take other people’s food home is surely not bothered by a few people calling him out. How on earth people learn to do things like this is beyond me." ~ Proud_Fisherman_5233
"NTA, I'd be pissed if someone took home leftovers of whatever I brought without asking me first, doubly so if they didn't contribute anything. The purpose of a work potluck is to feed people during the workday, not provide 'free' meals for moochers after-hours."
"Bob sounds like a selfish ah—did he bring the Tupperware from home or did he get it from the break room? If he planned ahead and brought it from home, why couldn't he also bring a bag of chips?" ~ roonaloo
"Yes, there are a lot of things you can bring to a potluck you don’t have to cook. Chips, dip, desserts, beverages. And if he planned to take home food by bringing his own containers, that is unacceptable." ~ VictoryValuable9489
"I officially hate potlucks after my last corporate job. Our team would have potlucks fairly regularly, and we had staggered lunch times. The last time I participated, team members would 'ping' friends on other teams, inviting them to come and eat from our potlucks."
"That time, a lady who had contributed an expensive entree, but had a later lunch, didn't get to eat at all. The overly generous team members' friends had cleaned out the entire potluck in less than an hour."
"NTA. I would do as others suggested and put a notice stating it's for participants only. Unfortunately, that doesn't even sometimes work."
"Another place I worked at, one of the guys would bring a jar of olives as his contribution, be first in line and the first up for a second plate."
"Some people are just greedy a**holes, hence my hating potlucks." ~ LaLunaLady1960
"That's happened in my apartment building a few times. There's a guy whose family happens to live behind us. Every time there was an outside event, here comes his relatives, parents, sisters, brothers, in-laws, kids..."
"I stopped participating because of it. And no, of course they didn't contribute anything ever." ~ 20Bishops
"Many years ago I worked at a place that did potlucks. I would just order delivery to the office for myself those days and eat my own food."
"It felt antisocial, but I just hate work potlucks so much, dealing with people like olive guy or making nice to pretend you want to eat someone else's terrible food or thinking about portioning amongst all the different people or how you are being perceived, just takes so much mental energy. Mentally exhausting." ~ Conscious_Bug5408
"NTA, but there's been a Bob in every single office I've ever worked in. Bobs have no shame." ~ No-Cantaloupe-4298
"NTA. I once made 2 apple pies for Thanksgiving. Someone took them both home, leaving the store-bought apple pie they brought in their place. Your coworker can share the special room in purgatory for this crime." ~ prw8201
"NTA if Bob is just greedy and selfish, but... Years ago I worked at a place where we had potlucks for occasions. Someone’s getting married, new baby, you know, the normal stuff."
"One guy never brought food, always just signed up for plates or napkins. Kinda annoyed some of us, and we talked about it."
"Someone came over and asked if we knew his situation. We had no clue what they were talking about. Turns out that he was renting a room, had no place to cook. And honestly, he probably didn’t know how."
"For some reason that I can’t remember, he didn’t have much money. But he did what he could and tried with gifts."
"When I was pregnant with my oldest, he gave me a beautiful silver spoon that said baby’s first spoon. It meant so much to me, and I remember it 30 years later."
"After we found out his situation, we always tried to send him home with any leftovers. I moved on and lost touch with most of my coworkers. I hope his life got better." ~ AskPsychological2868
OP was fine to question Bob's actions, as someone participating in the potluck to someone who wasn't. But as the last Redditor noted, assumptions made about Bob's behavior may be wrong.
HR or Bob's boss, not OP, should follow up with Bob if the workplace is really upset about his actions.
