Managing school work as an adult with plenty of non-school obligations is tough no matter what your situation is.
But doing so while trying to start a family may be one of the most difficult challenges.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit offered a prime example.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Fuzzy_Flan624 on the site, wondered how to juggle it all:
“AITA I told my wife that she’d have to help me cook if she wanted her craving”
It began when two people’s distinct priorities collided head-on.Â
“Yesterday, I was preparing for my final exam (which was today) in law college.
“My wife is 6 months pregnant. She asked me to cook mutton (lamb )biryani for her because she was craving it.”
OP aimed for a compromise.
“I was reluctant at first because I had to prepare for my exam but upon her insistence I agreed on the condition that she’d do all the preparation such as cleaning the meat, chopping, keeping the spices ready, soaking the rice and marinating.”
“I told her after all that was done, I’d come out and finish the cooking fast and go back to studying and she can switch off the pressure cooker after the required number of whistles.”
But the diplomacy only went so far.Â
“She refused saying she was too tired to do the preparation.”
“So I offered to order her biryani from a restaurant but she refused saying I make better biryani. I told her sorry but I cannot afford to waste any time the day before an exam.
“She got mad at me and is not coming out of her room.”
The whole thing left OP confused.Â
“Fortunately, my exam went well today.”
“I don’t know whether I should’ve made her what she was craving for but it was my final exam and if I failed it, I’d not get my degree.”
“AITA?”
As responses flooded in, OP decided to straighten one key detail out.Â
“EDIT: mutton biryani takes a lot of time to cook. It takes about an hour just for the mutton to cook. The preparation takes about 30-40 minutes.”
“I also have to go buy the meat from the butcher’s shop. I can’t have it delivered because they don’t deliver good quality meat.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors confirmed that OP hadn’t been an a**hole.
“NTa. Offering to order the food she was craving was a completely fair compromise here. It was one day that you needed to have uninterrupted time to study for your exam.” — NUT-me-SHELL
“NTA. You made two very reasonable compromises and she wouldn’t accept either of them. Pregnancy is not a free pass. You had to prepare for an extremely important exam that dictates your future. She really should have understood that.” — MyRockySpine
“NTA – Studying for an exam scheduled the next day is more important than a 6mo pregnant woman’s food cravings.”
“You’re not starving an invalid. You just don’t have the time to make a sweet gesture right now and that’s okay because after the exam, you won’t be under the same time constraints.” — airazaneo
“NTA. Tried to reason with her and offered to order it from a restaurant. Becoming a lawyer is going to pay your bills, her bills, and your future child’s bills, not cooking mutton biryani.” — Flimsy_Imagination85
“NTA You offered two compromises. She chose not to take either of those. Your exam comes first, because paying it underpins your degree, underpinning your family’s financial future.”
“And it’s awesome you got the stuff to make it for her today. You are being a good husband. Pregnancy hormones and cravings suck, but you did the right thing.” — TibbleTabbs1114
Plenty of people, though, gave OP’s wife the benefit of the doubt.Â
“NTA. Asking your wife to help with the prep is a realistic request. She may be very emotional due to her pregnancy. I don’t know if the pouting is unusual or not, but I remember being more than a little moody when I was knocked up.”
“You’re a good person for taking time out of your study schedule to cook for her.
“Also, would you please make me some biryani? Or at least share your recipe? Thanks!” — MalsPrettyBonnet
“NTA, realize she is pregnant and has hormones running amok, give her a bit of time.”
“Just be clear that ‘I had a very important exam and you wanted a meal that takes 2 hours to make the way you want it, the exam has lasting consequences on the welfare of our child, you poop out the mutton in under two days.’ “
“NTA, the dish sounds decently complex. Imo both sides should put in effort (since you had your exam and she isn’t in the greatest physical condition).”
“Her not wanting to help is understandable, but she should understand that you might be too busy to prepare the whole thing on your own and find a middle ground.” — m48_apocalypse
“NTA. I’m pregnant myself and boy the cravings are really intense! They can make you totally miserable if you don’t get it. However, despite how angry she might be temporarily … she will survive if she does not get it. Lol.”
“Your exam was incredibly important. You already went above and beyond for doing your best to accommodate considering it’s not a simple & quick dish.”
“I understand being exhausted during pregnancy. But demanding a taxing dish and refusing to help when she’s aware you don’t have time to make it was just her being uncooperative, plain and simple.”
“Hope all is well now. And congrats on the baby, and passing your exam.” — weloveGabybaby
OP was proud to include an update to the original post.Â
“UPDATE: My wife was happy when I told her about me doing my exam well and she forgave me immediately after eating the biryani that I made for her today after the exam.”
“She also apologized for being unreasonable yesterday. So… peace!!! all’s well now ;))
With the exam behind them, hopefully OP can enjoy some reduced stress. And their wife can enjoy some Biryani.