Juggling relationships between a significant other and your friends can be a difficult balancing act.
For one guy on Reddit, it turned into a full-on conflict with his lonely wife, tears and all, when she asked to join him and his friends during their gaming sessions. So he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for some perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by pototopan on the site, asked:
"AITA for saying no to my wife joining a gaming session with my friends?"
He explained:
"So for background, my wife hates video games. Her hobbies are reading, crafts, writing, etc. I really enjoy video games, making games, etc. During the pandemic I've gotten back in touch with friends from high school and we have gaming nights twice a week."
"My wife, on the other hand, does not have any friends and is pretty sad about it. Sometimes we have arguments about her being jealous of my hangouts with my friends. I do make time for her and we do have date nights at home, etc."
"Well, my wife asked me yesterday if she could join in with my friends this week. This came way out of left field. Like I said, my wife has never really played any video games at all, and we don't really play beginner-friendly games. She knows this."
"I asked her why she wanted to join and she says she's so lonely and just wants to be around people. She begged me to ask my friends if it would be ok. So I did."
"Well, none of my friends were fans of the idea. None of them have girlfriends and there are no women in the group, and we've all known each other since high school. Many of them have never even met my wife. The idea made them uncomfortable."
"I told my wife this and she cried. She told me she's so tired of having no one to talk to and hearing my camaraderie with her friends, and she just wants something like that."
"She's tried joining virtual classes and things but it's hard to make friends out of the blue during a pandemic. I know what it's like to be lonely, and I empathize, but I don't think this was a solution. She asked me to ask my friends again, and I said no. AITA for this?"
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict using the following acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
And for the most part, they were not a fan of OP's approach.
"Yea dude. YTA. If your wife is so lonely she's crying in your face about it and all she wants to do is have people to hang out with you should try to include her on sh*t you're doing. She doesn't have to play with you guys every time but damn not even once? Knowing she's sad as sh*t and lonely. How are you supporting her during this time?"
"If your friends didn't want to play with her when you asked, then you should've been like 'aight fellas well I'm gonna play with the wifey tonight so I'll catch you later'. She's never played before but maybe she'll like it. If it's an online game you can show her how to find groups and get her started."
"Maybe this is a new hobby you two can bond over. But to just be like 'Naw my friends said no' is some of the lamest sh*t ever.
"maybe you should reconsider your priorities. This is coming from a person who plays with a group of friends and who's gamer buddy just recently started including his girlfriend. It's really not that big of a deal if she wants to play every now and then." --4yelhsa
"I can't imagine my partner crying from loneliness and my response being 'well I need to keep the gaming club a No Girls Zone or my friends will be sad'. That's not how adults function."
"Also looking at OP's older posts about his partner and yeah, she'd be better off without him. YTA." --knittedjedi
"I lean on the side of YTA as well. I wonder how OP phrased it that his friends said no to even one gaming session? Because I can't imagine any friend coming to me and explaining their spouse has pandemic depression and is feeling completely isolated and being so unempathic enough to schedule a third game night one week and include her."
"Or maybe he could have suggested an online trivia tournament, something completely different that his friends could join in on but not lose the gendered video game night." --MPBoomBoom22
"Very soft YTA. Your wife comes before video game night with old friends regardless if its fun to relive the nostalgia from when we were all 11."
"I'll add she's LITERALLY crying out to you for help. People have committed suicide for loneliness. It can fester and eat away at a person. Don't be one of the many out there that wished they could do things differently."
"At the very least if it was me, I would reduce my 2x per week to 1x and spend that extra evening out with the wife, outside our comfort zone trying to make friends. Meetup.com is a great app for meeting others hiking, biking, walking, kayaking, etc. Many states have opened Covid vaccines up to all if that's a concern too."
"Hold her hand and help her. She NEEDS you now bud. Wife always comes before friends. Again, this is a pretty soft YTA..." --Reddit807
"YTA. The least you could do for your wife is to let her try. Especially her taking a step outside her comfort zone and try something new to do with you. I'm a gamer myself and You have no idea how awesome it is to be able to play with your partner." --tikanderoga
Hopefully OP can learn to be a bit more sensitive to his wife's needs.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.