With social media keeping pictures and memories public for an eternity, it can be difficult to move on from past relationships in this era.
A recent post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit showed how that can shake out.
The Original Poster (OP), who has since deleted their account, laid it out in their post title.
“AITA for asking my ex to remove pictures of us together from her social media?”
OP began with the backstory of an old love.
“Margaret and I dated for about 6 years. We had good times and bad times but in the end there were issues between is that I won’t get into and we broke up.”
“However, we stayed friends. It was mildly awkward at first but it became mostly okay after a while.
And OP has moved on.
“A while later I started dating a new woman named Sharron. We quickly fell in love.”
“After dating for a long while I proposed and she said yes. I was incredibly happy.”
“As we talked over some issues, Sharron mentioned that she didn’t like that I had old pics of my ex and me still on social media.”
“Most pics were fine but ones where we were kissing or cuddling made her uncomfortable.”
OP took this to heart.
“I thought this was reasonable and deleted those pictures. But Sharron also was uncomfortable that they were on my exes account and a couple friends’ accounts as well.”
“I was hesitant but I politely asked those friends if they could remove the offending pictures.”
“Most of the people I asked agreed, including an ex from before Margaret.”
But not everyone.
“However, Margaret took issue with it.”
“She accused Sharron of being jealous and said the pictures were treasured memories and she wouldn’t remove them.”
OP felt stuck.
“I tried to be as diplomatic as I could. I said most could stay as long as she removed the REALLY cuddley ones and the kissing ones.”
“She agreed to remove the kissing ones but not the cuddly ones. Margaret also unfriended me and removed herself from a D&D group we attend together.”
But things didn’t end there.
“I’ve had a couple other friends of Margaret unfriend me and even block me. That is especially weird because they’re people I didn’t talk to about this at all (they didn’t have any pics up so I didn’t have to).”
“Also, Sharron’s account got reported for fraud and she was locked out for a few days. It seemed malicious. Margaret claimed to know nothing about that and I believe her.”
“So, all said and done… Am I the a**hole?”
OP later included a brief edit to anticipate some confusion among readers.
“I would like to clarify something many people are getting wrong. Sharron wasn’t looking at other people’s profiles.”
“She was looking at my tagged photos. Also, she has never had a Facebook account until now so it’s all pretty new to her (not sure if that’s relevant info, but there it is).
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
A clear majority said OP was the a**hole.
They had a problem with Sharron’s outlook.
“YTA – Your fiancée Sharron seems pretty insecure, TBH. I can understand asking you to remove old photos from social media, but that should be the end of it.
Asking your exes to do the same was way over the line. That’s their call to make. Once Margaret said no, that should have been the end of it.”
“People have histories. Everyone (or at least most people) have exes. Trying to erase them from social media doesn’t mean they didn’t happen.”
“Your fiancée should just accept that both of you have had previous relationships and those are where they belong in the past. Now that you are engaged, you both should focus on the future and leave old relationships where they belong.” — dookle14
“YTA. Your relationship is over but the memories are still there. So your new gf is insecure and jealous. It’s ridiculous to be jealous of pictures. I get she’s jealous of the ex but neither of ye have the right to demand she take them down.”
“You asked she answered. Accept it.”
“Hang on, did you ask the ex before the ex also? Dude, get your missus in therapy. That’s fu**ing riduclous and your missus needs serious therapy for her control and jealousy issues.” — MizPrend
“YTA Your new GF has been stalking your ex (and other people too by the sound of it) and uncovered pictures she wouldn’t have seen otherwise. Sharron is a jealous, insecure AH and you’re pandering to it.”
“I get it’s probably inappropriate for you to have pictures on your social media accounts, but other people’s are none of your business and certainly not the jealous GF’s. I think you were lucky that most people didn’t tell you to ‘get lost’.” — Neither_March4000
“You’re current GF is the giant red flag. Red flag. Red flag!” — bustabruisa
But a handful did say OP was not in the wrong.
“NTA. Your ex should absolutely keep the pictures in her private collection, but refusing to remove them from public pages is a violation of your privacy and consent.”
“Isn’t there an option to remove tags of you yourself? Worth some googling I suspect. Best of luck!” — slinkygay
“NTA. I find it weird when you go on someone’s Facebook and within 30 seconds of looking through their photos you can see them kissing someone else. Obviously you are all “grown ups” and you dated your ex for a while, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable of her to request the intimate photos be taken down.”
“Also you could just remove the tag, and hide from your profile.” — anon_user33
“NTA. If you dont want pictures of yourself on accounts that arent yours, you have that right.” — bwbfb
So if OP goes with the majority, they’ll have some rethinking to do. But the few that agreed with them may keep things up in the air.