Money can be a cruel bedfellow.
It can be especially sinister after death.
People don't play games with an inheritance.
Wealth can rip families apart.
Redditor u/DeluluYOYOK42 found herself in a dilemma regarding her family inheritance, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for refusing to keep my inheritance as a 'big happy family' property and wanting my share divided?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (30 F[emale]) lost my dad when I was 5."
"I have a 27 F sister, and our mom is in her 60s."
"My dad’s side of the family is basically my aunt (his twin), her husband, and their children."
"They have money, but they are incredibly dysfunctional."
"Every single holiday, trip, or family occasion we spent with them growing up was the same: they would have massive fights with each other, often every day, and somehow my sister and I would always end up caught in the middle."
"My sister especially would regularly end up crying."
"As adults, we both avoid them as much as possible."
"Despite my father, grandmother, and grandfather all having been doctors, my sister and I effectively inherited nothing when my father and later my grandmother died."
"Two years ago my grandfather died."
"This time, as adults, we were directly included in the inheritance."
"We received nothing from his bank accounts because my mother and aunt told us they were basically empty."
"What we did inherit were shares in four properties: one apartment in the city and three separate but adjoining summer houses by the sea."
"My aunt owns 50%, and my sister and I own 25% each."
"My aunt wants everything to stay jointly owned forever because apparently we are one 'big happy family.'”
"In reality, my sister and I actively avoid spending time with them precisely because being together has meant arguments and drama our entire lives."
"The problem is that my aunt uses the summer properties all summer, decides when we can go and which house we can stay in, and recently told me I couldn’t invite friends to a property I literally partly own."
"That was my breaking point."
"My husband is a lawyer, so I asked him to start looking into valuations and a possible division of the properties."
"They are separate houses, so an actual division seems perfectly possible."
"My aunt went ballistic."
"My mother has been asking me almost daily to drop it and leave everything as it is."
"My uncle initially acted reasonably, then basically said division was fine as long as my aunt got the best properties."
"My sister agrees with me, although she is scared my aunt will take it out on our mother."
"My husband is now getting professional valuations."
"Since I refused to back down, my mother has almost stopped speaking to me."
"She used to call me up to twice a day, very often because she needed some favor; now I hear from her maybe once a week."
"My aunt is telling my cousins that because of me there will no longer be this mythical 'big happy family house.'”
"My cousin has also made comments more than once along the lines of, 'I would have liked to inherit something too, but unfortunately I’m not in the succession.'”
"Which was a pretty incredible thing to say to two people who are inheriting because their father is dead, while hers is very much alive."
"My sister wanted to eat her alive."
"My first thought was that if she is that eager to inherit, unfortunately there is only one way to qualify."
"At this point I’m also considering contacting my grandfather’s banks myself to understand whether his accounts really were virtually empty when he died."
"Given that my grandparents were both doctors with good pensions, and after three deaths my sister and I have somehow inherited essentially no money, I’m starting to feel stupid for never asking questions."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for pushing for a legal division of the properties and considering investigating what actually happened to my grandfather’s money instead of giving in to my family and keeping everything jointly owned?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"You need to find out who the executor of the estate is; they have to provide you with the details."
"And you shouldn't be inquiring directly; have your husband do it as a lawyer."
"There's some dirty dealings here." ~ PolkaDotDancer
"I am so proud of you for going forward in this."
"People are going to say horrible things to you and try to disown you and everything bad that you can think of, but you better stick to your guns and get what's yours."
"I think you are spot on that they emptied his bank accounts in those last few months/weeks."
"These sound like some incredibly entitled people who are awful to deal with."
"Get what's yours and then bounce and live your life happily." ~ MastodonUpper6998
"This sounds really shady."
"You absolutely need to continue with the investigation."
"If your mother and aunt stole the money, they wouldn't want you to know about it."
"You are NTA here."
"Your aunt and mother are." ~ Antique-diva
"Your mum needs to have you back rather than being a doormat to your bully aunt. NTA." ~ angelicak92
"If the properties can legally be divided, I don’t see why you should keep everything jointly owned just to preserve the illusion of a 'big happy family.'”
"You’re entitled to know what happened to your grandfather’s money and to have your share properly accounted for."
"And your cousin making comments about wanting to inherit while her own parent is still alive is certainly something."
"What’s your aunt’s problem?"
"She thinks she’s entitled to use the property all summer and decide when everyone else can go, but you can’t even invite your own friends?"
"She’s basically trying to maintain control over a property that you’re also entitled to."
"The whole situation sounds suspicious to me."
"I think you should do whatever you can to get to the bottom of it: contact the banks, gather every document and detail, and figure out exactly what happened to the money."
"You need to know everything from start to finish, especially if this eventually becomes a legal matter, because having all the facts and documentation beforehand could help you a lot. NTA." ~ Specific-Sherbet-601
"You absolutely need to have the estates audited."
"She sees herself as her twin's successor, so you can't blindly trust her."
"Keep in mind auditing accounts and splitting properties is completely normal and average."
"Declaring happy families don't do that just isn't true and is a ridiculous misdirect."
"She is openly saying she owns the properties and the supposedly empty accounts."
"Keep the focus on that, and that clearly professionals need to sort it out since she can't. NTA." ~ concretism
"No, girl, that’s not how it works; your aunt needs to get a reality check."
"She’s not just 'playing family' here; she’s potentially taking inherited property that belongs to you and your siblings and keeping it within her own control."
"You’re her brother’s children, so you have a right to your share just as much as she does."
"She needs to understand that."
"Contact everyone involved, dig into every document and transaction, and find out exactly where everything went."
"I’m pretty sure there’s more to this than what you’ve been told." ~ Specific-Sherbet-601
"You're 30, and she doesn't pay your bills."
"This mentality that I will always be 'a child' is the reason I'm no contact with most of my family."
"And I told my mom that if she insisted on this dynamic, then I will go no contact with her as well."
"NTA." ~ Aggressive_Cup8452
"You are absolutely right, in my opinion, to proceed with legal recourse."
"Your peace of mind has value, too."
"Divide the estate up while it is relatively easy."
"Once your aunt goes, then you will have to deal with her children."
"The more heirs there are, the more complicated things get."
"And yes, I would check out the bank accounts."
"Since you don’t seem to have much family unity (and your relatives seem to want to take advantage of you), a little more disharmony isn’t going to make things much worse." ~ TrebleClef4
"I would honestly keep digging and find out exactly what you are owed and what was actually given to you."
"I'd go as far as to investigate what your father should have left to you as well, since you and your sisters seem to be his only children."
"There should have been something."
"And I'm so curious as to why your mother is siding with your aunt rather than protecting you."
"Do you think your aunt gave her money meant for you and your sister? NTA." ~ JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"NTA - hit the red button and get a rundown of all the financials."
"Your mother and your aunt are obviously hiding something about the bank accounts."
"Good job your hubby is a lawyer!"
"Also, I’d clearly point out to your aunt and your mother the myth of 'big happy family'; summarize that every time you’ve been in their orbit, there’s been a daily blow-up argument."
"Once this is over, go no contact with your Aunt." ~ Jonathan-Welford
Stand your ground, OP.
Reddit is onto your Aunt.
It's always good to ask questions.
Sorry for all of your loss.
Good Luck.
