For many, the past isn't always easy to let go of.
Some emotional scars just don't heal.
This can cause a lot of drama for families.
Too often, it's the children who end up paying for the sins of the adults.
Can these cycles be broken?
Redditor Crazy-Ad-54 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for taking a college fund form my grandparent even tho they called my mother a wh*re?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My family was not talking to my grandparents since I was a younger kid. "
"I (18 F[emale]) didn’t really know why until recently."
"My grandparents asked to meet me recently, and I met up with them."
"My mother, when I was around 8, had an affair."
"At this time, I was told by my parents that they were getting a divorce."
"They sat me down, and it was going to happen."
"I started to split my time between the two until my dad passed away."
"He died in a car crash when I was 9."
"According to my grandparents (my mom confirmed the basics of this)."
"They saw me at the funeral, and those three got into a fight."
"Since they were not divorced at the time, she got everything of my Dad's."
"It was a long argument, and they called my mother names."
"I asked what they called her, and they told me they called my mother a wh*re."
"After they were not allowed to see me, and that’s why they haven’t been in my life."
"They told me they have an account for college or whatever I want to use. it for"
"It’s a lot of money (around 200k)."
"I thanked them and have been in contact with them since."
"My mom found out I have been talking to them, and we got into a fight."
"She is pissed I am talking to them, and that I took the money."
"She is telling me I betrayed her and that they were cruel to her."
"She brought up that they called her a wh*re and I told my mom that the shoe fit."
"She has been pissed since."
"I don’t live with her; I have my own place."
"My sister says I need to apologize since Mom is pissed at home."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am the A**hole?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. For 200k college money, I would let them call me a wh*re." ~ catsandparrots
"Right, sometimes people are dumb jerks."
"Sometimes they always were."
"But they are still OP's relatives, and this is an amount of money that really, truly matters to OP's life."
"OP cannot go back in time and change anything about what was said or felt, throwing away that money (and the relationship) is an incredibly selfish decision for OP's mom to insist on." ~ mlc885
"NTA. If my son died, and his cheating wife got everything, I would call her names, too."
"Your dad died, and your mom kept you away from his family."
"Mom has no moral high ground here." ~ Consistent_Night_717
"This is the answer."
"Mother cheated and kept OP away from his grandparents."
"Now she's trying to prevent him from getting money for college and having a relationship as an adult."
"OP needs to get to know his grandparents and make his own opinions." ~ Jesiplayssims
Mom has no moral high ground here
"It is worse than that."
"She is manipulative and vindictive."
"She is asking OP to fight her battle and suffer in the process just to spite two people she estranged from their grandchild because they had the audacity to call her out for her behavior and betrayal of their son."
"OP: This is her fight and her problem."
"You should have no guilt in accepting this college fund." ~ Pyehole
"Even if there is no $200K, you should have a relationship with your grandparents."
"Your mother cheated, destroyed your parent’s marriage, possibly contributed to the death of your father because he was stressed, despondent, and or distracted, which contributed to his fatal accident."
"Furthermore, she took away your right to have a relationship with your grandparents while growing up."
"Your mother is toxic and deserves to be called a wh**e."
"You are an adult and have the right to establish a relationship with whomever you want. If your mother is mad, tell her to pound sand." ~ EnFiPs
"Your mother had an affair and took part in destroying her family."
"She doesn’t get to play victim now that you know the facts."
"If you do wh*re sh*t you can’t be mad that you're called a wh*re."
"That money was meant for you, and you shouldn’t feel bad for accepting it."
"If your mom has a problem with that, ask her why she cares more about hurting your grandparents for calling her out on her BS than she cares about you and your future." ~ Electrical-Toe-1373
"For real."
"I have zero understanding of how people go through life expecting not to get called names when they do the stuff they are doing."
"I remember I was in a store, and one lady was stuffing her purse with items."
"The cashier called the cops and described the thief in front of her."
"She got enraged that she got called a 'junky thief' and was ready to fight the cashier."
"Like she was literally stealing, but being called a name is what crossed the line."
"Some people, man." ~ maxxor6868
"NTA. Just because they reacted badly in a time of grief doesn't mean your grandparents are bad people."
"If my son got cheated on, was in the process of a divorce, died, and then his cheating wife got everything he had in the span of a year... I might call his ex an unpleasant name at his funeral, too, I don't know."
"Grief does weird things to people, and they lost their son during what was likely a very hard time in his life."
"Take the money and have a relationship with them if you want."
"If your mom were a good mom, be nicer to her, but make it clear that she doesn't get to dictate your relationship with your grandparents." ~ Mammoth_Ad_5423
"NTA for having a relationship with your grandparents or taking the money."
"I don't think you should be calling your mom a wh*re, though." ~ Ok-Cheetah-9125
"NTA - You’re an adult, and she can feel however she wants about your relationship with them, but doesn’t have any control over it."
"I think it’d be silly to leave 200k on the table, no matter who it’s from, to be honest."
"That’s money that’ll change your life in so many ways."
"Shouldn’t she be happy they’ll be 200k poorer? lol." ~ MapMan992
"NTA in any situation, but if I understand this correctly, these are your dad's parents?"
"If that's the case, even more NTA. "
"They've been providing for your future without being allowed to see you for a decade." ~ oblivion_1138
"NTA. And honestly, I'd be more upset than you are in your shoes."
"Not only did she break up your family with her actions."
"But she denied you a relationship with your grandparents this entire time because they held up a mirror to her and she didn't like it." ~ Sparky_Zell
"Your Mom made a selfish decision because her feelings got hurt."
"She is continuing to make selfish decisions by lashing out at you and feeling betrayed."
"There are zero apologies needed." ~ Certain_Candidate248
"NTA - I get your mother is hurt, but it's not the place of the child to be the go-between and the one punished for the adult decisions (made when you were 8/9 and should not be your issues to resolve)."
"Take the money, get the education, talk to your grandparents."
"I'm sure they were hurt too, but again, that's between all the adult parties, not you." ~ Unfair_Rhubarb_13
"NTA. My mom is basically the same."
"Haaaated her parents (my grandparents… and all her siblings, honestly) after we turned 10."
"Downright barred me and my siblings from seeing them, would viciously talk about them, and got extremely irate whenever we mentioned anything good about them."
"They both died, and I never got to go to the funerals- I wasn’t allowed."
"Please don’t let your mom get in the way of having the rest of your family."
"This is one of my personal biggest regrets because it destroyed me; I never got to go to family gatherings, never got included, and felt bad all the time."
"My aunts actually reached out to me this year, and I’m 24."
"Your mom made the mistake and got the consequences and judgment, not you!" ~ winnipegwinifred
"NTA, your mother is."
"When she cheated, she didn't just betray your father; she totally betrayed you and broke up your home."
"She then took everything from his death, which could have been caused by his grief."
"It takes years to get over that betrayal, and it may have been a distraction."
"Build that relationship with your grandparents before it's too late."
"Your mother is projecting her guilt onto you."
"She should be the one apologizing." ~ FeedbackBorn4698
"NTA. Your mother should be thinking of you first, not herself."
"She should also be owning up to her own choices and actions, at least understanding that she did, in fact, betray her late husband, which is why his parents called her a name that referenced her behavior."
"She is not a hard-done-by victim because she was called that."
"She shouldn't have allowed her hurt over being called a name to come between you and a relationship with your grandparents or any support they want to give you."
"She has acted selfishly since the affair until now." ~ kurokomainu
"Go on, take the money and run."
"Woo hoo hoo. NTA." ~ MiddleMuscle8117
Reddit is with you, OP.
That is way too much money to throw away.
It belongs to you.
You have nothing to do with this drama.
This is your mother's issue to deal with.
Good Luck.
