Having an invisible disability can be very difficult to manage.
A lot of people can be hard on people with invisible challenges.
Just because someone looks healthy doesn't mean they are.
So navigating the world with this issue can cause a lot of turmoil.
Redditor OkMinute950 found herself in a personal dilemma regarding how she deals with her health issues in public, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for using the disabled bathroom even though I can walk?'"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Hi all, I’ve been going through a dilemma and need an outside perspective."
"I (20 F[emale]) have a stoma bag."
"In case you don’t know what a stoma bag is, it’s a bag I sh*t and pee in through a hole in my stomach."
"Yes, it can smell, and yes, it can explode."
"For a more elegant version, I have a hole in my abdomen where waste comes out of and into that bag."
"My life has drastically improved; however, due to this, I require the disabled toilets due to the proximity between the toilet and sink."
"It can be messy, therefore I must use a disabled bathroom."
"Onto the AITAH."
"In the UK, you get given a RADAR key."
"This is a key that helps you access the majority of disabled toilets."
"I have this key."
"This is important."
"I was in a shopping center and used the disabled bathroom as per normal, however, as I was coming out, a wheelchair user started yelling at me."
"Saying that able-bodied people like me shouldn’t use these toilets."
"When I explained I had a stoma bag, they still said that the disabled toilet was for those who 'truly needed it' and because I can walk, there’s no reason for me to use the space in the bathroom."
"When I was relaying the story back to my friend, she said that the person was right."
"That wheelchair users need the space more than I do, and that I will wash my hands anyway, so what’s the issue. "
"Now I’m left wondering if IATAH."
"This stoma bag has changed my life for the better."
"However, it still comes with challenges."
"I feel even more troubled as this isn’t the first time this has happened due to both my age and appearance, you wouldn’t be able to tell I have a stoma bag, therefore I’m used to the scrutiny of people thinking nothing is wrong with me, or that because I can walk, I don’t need disabled privileges."
"Maybe I was the AH, as I am fortunate I can walk, and I could use a regular stall, and I have in desperate times."
"All opinions are appreciated."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA. You have your own RADAR key, which means you have been literally deemed eligible to use the accessible stalls."
"They are not restricted to only those with visible disabilities or only people in wheelchairs." ~ Stranger0nReddit
"You can literally buy them on Amazon for less than a tenner."
"That being said, OP is entitled to dignity in the bathroom and absolutely should use the disabled toilet."
"Not all disabilities are visible, and the wheelchair user was wrong to call them out."
"They still have to queue like everyone else." ~ ramapyjamadingdong
"And this right here is why the wheelchair user was way out of line for saying something to OP."
"You need the rails on your wobbly days."
"Some people are not in wheelchairs and can walk when upright just fine, but need those rails to get back up because of bad hips or knees or some other invisible ailment."
"I have arthritis in my knees."
"Some days are worse than others."
"I'm in the US. In most public bathrooms, the disabled toilet is a lot higher up than the non-disabled toilets."
"On a bad day, I play hell trying to get up off of those low toilets, so damn right I'm going to use the disabled one where it's taller and easier for me to get up off of."
"I don't want to pretend that I know what it's like for OP."
"But I would imagine that she likes to have room around her to empty her bag and not in a small stall with no arm room at all."
"Maybe I'm imagining it in my head all wrong, and someone can correct me if I am."
"Her country gave her a key to the disability toilet, so she can use it anytime and anywhere she wants, and the wheelchair user can mind her own business. NTA." ~ PartyCustard3125
"NTA. I have the same situation with arthritis in my knees and back."
"I just can't get up off the low toilets in the regular stalls, not without a lot of pain and difficulty."
"We have even installed elevated toilets in our house." ~ chickens_for_laughs
"People get so weird about the disabled stall."
"I’m not disabled, and I’ve never had this problem, but just looking at it from an outside perspective, what’s the big deal with waiting?"
"Just because you’re disabled and there’s a designated stall for you doesn’t mean you can’t wait, or are above waiting."
"Like, there are family bathrooms that people with children use; If one family has more children than the one in front of them, does that entitle them to get dibs on the stall, despite showing up after?"
"If there’s a non-gendered bathroom with a toilet stall and a urinal, do I have a right to be upset if I—as a woman—have to wait while a man uses the toilet stall first?"
"Do I even get to cut the line just because I have to piss or sh*t more than the person in front of me?"
"Sure, I can ask to use it first, but I’m not entitled to it."
"And frankly, at least in the US, all people are permitted to use the disabled stall, regardless of ability."
"The disabled stall isn’t this special VIP bathroom that only the most handicapped of the handicapped can use."
"I get that the disabled stall is the only bathroom that disabled people can use."
"Well, toilets are the only toilets I can use, but I don’t throw a fit when someone 'less deserving' than me is using it, forcing me to wait."
"Everyone has to wait for the toilet sometimes; that’s part of the human experience."
"Besides, does OP’s friend expect her to open the bathroom door with shit all over her hands?"
"What is her logic here?" ~ old_vegetables
"Some disabled people can't wait (I'm one of them - when I need to go, I really need to go), but that does not correlate with whether we can walk or not."
"The OP is NTA to use the accessible loo." ~ abitofasitdown
"Agreed, NTA."
"This is the answer right here."
"Not all disabilities are visible."
"I know you can buy RADAR keys on Amazon, and people do; however, in this case, it sounds like the OP was given one, or if for some reason wasn’t, buying one is a perfectly acceptable solution here."
"I get the wheelchair user may well have been busting, and if the disabled bathroom was occupied, they had to wait, whereas the OP could have used a different one, but it wasn’t occupied at the time, and the wheelchair user had to queue like anyone else." ~ Justan0therthrow4way
"Invisible disabilities exist; it’s not a freakin contest of who is more disabled."
"You need it for medical reasons, so with all due respect, they can bugger off. NTA." ~ justhewayouare
"There should really be public education concerning invisible disabilities, and it's a shame that there is not."
"I am invisibly disabled."
"Visibly, I am a healthy young lady, often mistaken for a young teen."
"I have pink cheeks and a baby face."
"But no, I cannot walk for a significant amount of time."
"Cannot run at all, have terrible joint and muscle pain, severe chronic fatigue, am a complete weeble wobble, and my strength is that of a small toddler."
"I have a sh*t ton of health problems, and them being invisible has led to a lot of verbal abuse by a**holes who think young people cannot possibly have one single problem with their bodies."
"It's bullsh*t, and it's wildly unintelligent." ~ TheThiefEmpress
"NTA. If you have the key, use it."
"You need more space to take care of yourself."
"What you encountered was a bully."
"Bullies can be disabled too."
"This is akin to the disabled person yelling about a parking space when the person they are yelling at has a legal hang tag."
"They don't care how disabled you are; they are just upset you inconvenienced them."
"Your friend is wrong on this one." ~ WhereWeretheAdults
"I am disabled."
"I can walk, but I need the grab bars to get up and down safely."
'You have a different disability that means you need those stalls."
"Maybe the person who yelled at you was having a bad day."
"I’m in the US, and I get so tired of having to wait for the one stall I can use when someone is in there changing clothes or talking on the phone… I haven’t yelled at anyone, but it’s tempting sometimes!"
"Definitely NTA." ~ Diligent-Activity-70
"NTA, you have an invisible disability."
"You don't use disabled toilets on a whim; it's necessary for your hygiene."
"People who think disability is just about a wheelchair don't understand anything." ~ koolA-9486
"NTA. Just because a disability isn't as 'visible' doesn't make it any less legitimate." ~ Jewbacca_429
Reddit is with you, OP.
You have an issue that requires assistance.
You have just as much right to that bathroom.
u/Lazy_Perfectionist88/Reddit
