The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the name InsertCoolNameHereXO on the site, asked:
"AITA for telling my friend that I have a hard time feeling sympathy over his situation?"
She explained:
"So my friend married into a rich family, like millionaire rich, his wife has a decent job as a psychologist and he only works part time to give him something to do during the week. His wife's family has paid for everything for my friend and his wife from their cars, their house and all the renovations they did."
"They were also gifted $30k when they got married which for reference is about what I make in a year while in university and they spent it on a home theater system in less than a month."
"My friend and his wife ended up getting into this massive fight with his in-laws a while ago and they've been cut off as a result. Turns out neither of them have any money saved up and had been spending their paychecks on toys for their house but now they need to live life as normal people and pay their bills."
"My friend was complaining that he needs to sell his drones as well as he needs to get a full time job or else they'll lose the house. I asked him why his wife, who has a good paying job, didn't have any money saved and his answer was that they thought they wouldn't need to save money as they would end up with her parents inheritance anyway and in the meanwhile they were fine with the money her family was lending her."
"He got mad at me for not being as upset as he was but I explained to him that I found it hard to sympathize with him as they created all these problems for themselves and they should have had some kind of safety net."
OP's fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation using the following acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
And, unsurprisingly, they didn't have much sympathy for OP's friend either.
"NTA. You aren't wrong. That's spoiled entitlement on their part. Sad. I agree, no sympathy from me either." --TonnieSue
"'We have no savings because we just assumed we could mooch off our inlaws until they died and we inherited their estate. Its not really mooching if its going to be my money anyway right? I now have to grow up and be an adult, why don't you pity me?'"
"The sheer arrogance of people so entitled they expect sympathy because their meal ticket was taken away after they decided to bite the literal hand that feeds them baffles me. Hard to accept there are people out there that out of touch with reality." --Trasl0
"Lol. My filthy rich older bro (he inherited our Dad's business) has been living like a king for 25+ years. COVID hit his business pretty hard, and he's been whining about money."
"Where the f**k did all that money go? Porsches, Jaguars, BMWs, exotic 2-3 week vacations twice a year, huge house with an ocean view, used to eat out at the finest restaurants because non working wifey can't cook... the list is endless. My reaction? Boo hoo hoo." --SaltyDoggoMeo
"I mean come on! There are two major reasons why I'm going to state but anyone in their right mind can see this."
"First off, why didn't they save? Yes, it's easy to assume it'll always be there but life is life. And life is crazy. It's not even an innocuous mistake, at this point it's just stupidity."
"Second, WHY ON EARTH DID THEY THINK YOU COULD RELATE? 30k, what would you do that? Invest? Savings? Use a little for a sweet vacation before putting it for a down payment for a new house?"
"Who the actual hell buys an in-house movie theater? That screams irresponsibility with money. And, oh no, I'm going to have to sell my drones?"
"I'm just staring at that with a blank face."
"NTA NTA NTA"
"Extra that pisses me off:"
"I've got a sibling of a friend who's rich, also millionaire rich, yet he drives a car from legitimately 20 years ago. The last time he played video games? In his freaking dreams."
"For your 'friend': he is legitimately spoiled. Must have felt like he was living in a dream world before reality hit him in the head. Bad dreams." --1baddream
"Somehow I agree- no sympathy here either... NTA either" --nonchalantenigma
"getting checks like that would turn anyone into a spoiled entitled brat. I do not know how if you grow up with rich parents you do not end up entitled." --methreezfg
"NTA They obviously never heard the phrase 'Don't bite the hand that feeds you.'"
"They blew through their own money and basically saw Inlaws as free money atm." --ShibeDogeBork
"NTA, people completely building their lives around an inheritance, just waiting for their folks to drop so they can live the high life, are the f**king worst. I mean, they could just live another 50 years depending on their age, what's their plan if that happens? F**king vultures."
"It is 100% a situation of their own creation, and it's not like you laughed at him and called him a spoiled brat, he gave you sh*t for not being as upset, essentially asking for an explanation, and you gave a fairly polite answer. Much more polite than I would've been. Like, oh no, you have to sell your drone and downgrade your lifestyle a bit, the horrors." --Noltonn
Hopefully, these friends can learn the value of a dollar from this whole thing.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.