We all want to be there for our partners.
Perhaps it’s a sign of being in love that we will willingly make a last minute errand, cook a favorite meal, or any sorts of favors big and small to make our partner happy.
Though we also willingly go the extra mile for them, under the assumption that they would do the same for us.
As when they don’t, we find ourselves becoming glorified servants.
Redditor didnt-wake-up-gf never minded doing odd jobs and favors for his girlfriend.
Until the original poster (OP) overheard her making a less than kind remark about him to one of her friends.
As a result, the OP became less inclined to be at her beck and call, even stopping a usual morning ritual between the two of them, which she claimed cost her dearly.
Wondering if he had done the right thing, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not waking up my girlfriend for her exam after I overheard her calling me a little bitch?”
The OP explained why his inclination to be a “butler” of sorts to his girlfriend quickly vanished after overhearing a phone conversation.
“My girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning.”
“I usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets.”
“She has joked that I’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so I didn’t mind.”
“Obviously I want to love my partner and try make her life easy.”
“However, last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought I couldn’t hear.”
“She was bragging that I’m her little bitch and I do everything for her when she tells me to, etc.”
“It really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing.”
“She specifically said ‘yeah I’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure I’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too’.”
“I went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning I didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go.”
“She usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but I let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and I turned around and went back to sleep too.”
“When she woke up she was yelling at me saying I’m an a**hole and I’ve cost her her exam and I’m a piece of sh*t for what I did.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not waking up his girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s girlfriend was taking advantage of him and got her just desserts, with many also pointing out how she shouldn’t have depended on other people on such an important day.
“Dude, the way she talked about you is horrible.”
“Forget about petty revenge and leave, you deserve better.”
“NTA.”- rost_Goldfish
“NTA.”
“As long as you break up with her immediately.”- sqitten
“NTA.”
“Now it’s time to just break up with her.”
“If you keep being passive aggressive and doing things like this, you’ll quickly become an a**hole too.”
“Better to leave this toxic environment.”- Throwout4789
“NTA.”
“Your girlfriend sounds incredibly abusive.”
“You shouldn’t have to put up with that.”
“Don’t wait for any more red flags.”
“GET OUT OF THIS NOW.”
“You deserve better.”- spicyprincess1621
“NTA.”
“After what she said you should have confronted her right then and there.”
“Embarrassed her in front of her friends by letting them hear that you heard them.”
“If that’s how she acts when she thinks no one can hear her imagine what you haven’t heard.”
“You need to talk to her.”
“She needs to apologize and grow up.”
“You can do better than that.”
“Personally, just the alarm thing would be a dealbreaker for me.”
“Dealt with it once for a few days in college and I was ready to smash her phone.”
“You don’t get more sleep by setting an alarm for every 10 minutes.”
“You cost the other three girls in the hotel room an hour worth of sleep and make everyone hate you.”- IridianRaingem
“Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?”
“NTA, get out of there.”
“You deserve better.”- mew4ever23
“NTA, she didn’t respect you.”
“So why would you do anything helpful for her?”
“Also get out of that relationship.”- Volusto
“NTA but also definitely dump this girl.”- gangster-napper
“NTA.”
“But you should just leave without notice.”- Po1sonator
“NTA ex girlfriend, I hope?”- kateykmck
“You’re NTA, but it would have been a lot better if you just confronted her on the spot about what you heard her say.”
“Adults shouldn’t really do things to punish their significant others for things they said, they should communicate with words.”
“That being said, I understand wanting her to see how valuable you are in her life.”-sleepybitchdisorder
“NTA.”
“She isn’t a good partner.”
“Get out of the relationship.”- teresajs
“NTA.”
“She sounds terrible.”- krrrrray
“NTA.”
“My dude.”
“The call is coming from inside the house!”
“Run.”
“I know people like that, people who mistake kindness and caring for weakness.”
“They think that if you do something loving or nice for them, it means you are pathetic and instead of being happy and grateful, they look down on you for it.”
“It’s a character type and I don’t think it can change.”
“All the nice things you do for them, they see as a ‘win’ over you which is super f*cked up imo.”
“I had a boss like that.”
“The kinder and more helpful I was, the more she looked down on me, it escalated from casual looking down to actual open disdain.”
“It’s probably gonna be similar with your gf if you give it enough time.”
“Right now it’s covert disdain.”
“Just leave.”
“Find someone who is less awful.”
“A rotten potato will do.”
“Also, what if she’s single?”
“What then?”
“How will she go to work, for example?”
“Let’s find out!”- LadyKlepsydra
“NTA.”
“Get a new girlfriend.”
“Next time you have a girlfriend who talks shit about you like that, try to stand up for yourself.”
“You don’t have to be in her face saying ‘That wasn’t nice’, you can do it via text or email if you want.”
“This passive-aggressive shit won’t fly long term.”
“Also, if you have friends telling you that she’s bad for you, mean to you, doesn’t treat you right, listen to them.”
“I’m honestly surprised that nobody has pulled you aside yet to say that.”- Soranic
“I don’t understand her logic.”
“So you being a kind, loving boyfriend and husband material is funny and ridiculous in her and her friends’ eyes?”
“What do they want from a partner then?”
“So dumb.”
“You’re a good guy, don’t let this situation change you.”
“If you do end up breaking up with her, don’t let this affect your next relationship.”
“You will find the right person who’ll appreciate your kindness.”- holdnarrytight
“NTA.”
“People saying it’s wrong to make her miss the exam.”
“I’m sorry but for me if I had an exam I wouldn’t rely purely on a person to wake me up in time.”
“She knew she had an exam the following day, surely she could’ve made an effort to maybe go to bed early, get and alarm with a high volume.”
“It’s on her to be prepared for an exam not him.”- PringleLover101
“Nta.”
“Sure It could be considered immature, but so is she.”
“And honestly she sounds kinda sexist and immature and I’d have an adult conversation and then dump her.”- ellahood2003
The OP returned to share an update on his relationship.
“I think we’re breaking up.”
“I told her this morning after she called me a ‘bitch’ for being upset re-being called a bitch, lol, but she says she’s not done with me.”
“I’m just trying to get through today’s shift and then deal with stuff later.”
“I’ll try and get back as I can.”
“We’ve been together a year and it was my first real relationship but I’m tired of her not acknowledging how sh*tty she made me feel and still calling me a bitch.”
“That word is really making me feel shit and small.”
Everyone wants a partner who is constantly at their service, and spoils them with loving gestures.
But it’s important that it remains a “partnership”, and we do the same in return for our partners, and not shamelessly take advantage of our partners.
Just as the OP’s girlfriend did to him.
Maybe she’ll see the error of her ways after a civil conversation, otherwise one can only hope the OP finds a girlfriend who treats him with more respect.