What is and isn’t considered appropriate to wear to a wedding has changed considerably over the course of time.
Today, people show up to weddings wearing everything from evening wear, to T-shirts and jeans, because that’s how the happy couple suggested they arrive.
Even if the weddings have no dress code, however, guests should still be mindful of not wearing things that might offend or upset people, particularly the couple in question.
Redditor harleygfproblem was used to their girlfriend’s somewhat eccentric fashions, which was even something he had grown to love about her.
But when he learned of what she planned on wearing to a friend’s wedding, the original poster (OP) couldn’t help but question if this was a good idea.
Something his girlfriend didn’t appreciate one bit.
Worried that he might have overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my girlfriend wear her “unique” dress to a wedding?”
The OP explained why his girlfriend’s choice of wedding attire was the one time he had doubts about her unconventional fashion choices.
“My (25 M[ale]) girlfriend (30 F[emale]) Nat has a very particular sense of style.”
“Picture Harley Finkle from ‘Wizards of Waverly Place’, you will get the idea.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I never had a problem with that!”
“In fact, I love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and I am happy if she is happy.”
“The thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes.”
“No problem.”
“It’s cute.”
“But now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme ‘gay rat wedding’.”
“To my friend’s wedding.”
“He and his fiancé are gay.”
“I told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? “
“The dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big ‘I SUPPORT GAY RATS’ on the front.”
“My friend is not a big fan of the way my GF dresses and I think this dress may cause a certain uproar in the wedding.”
“Now, nat is upset with me and claiming that I am ‘throwing water in her flame of creativity’.”
“The wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear.”
“Should I just let her go with the dress?”
“Am i the a**hole in this situation?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for encouraging Nat not to wear her chosen dress to his friend’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that the dress Nat wanted to wear was, indeed, inappropriate, with many pointing out that her desire to make a statement at a wedding, and thus take attention away from the grooms, was selfish.
“NTA.”
“This is a bad idea.”
“The wedding is not her chance to make a creative splash.”
“She needs to take a step back as a guest at a friends wedding and let the day be about the couple.”- PickaPill
“NTA, but she’s also not on the guest list.”
“Feel free to tell her the dress code is ‘x’, and you’d love to bring her if she dresses in correspondence w/ that dress code, or else you’ll be going alone (and go alone!)”
“Your gf is… 30?”
“Oh my.”
“Tell her she can take her outfit down to the next pride parade, but I honestly think she has something wrong with her.”
“Did you see the post the other day where a 15-yo didn’t want to upstage the bride.”
“Why doesn’t a 30-yo woman know basic wedding etiquette?”- Away_Refuse8493
“NTA.”
“The wedding is not about her.”
“She should not wear anything inappropriate (a dress with rats and gay prides class is 100% inappropriate).”
“She should not wear anything that will draw too much attention away from the bride and groom.”
“Updated rules of wedding attire:”
“No wearing white.”
“No rat dresses (can’t believe this needs to be clarified).”- buttpickles99
“Maybe remind your GF these are two PEOPLE in REAL LIFE and not two RATS getting married?”
“Idk.”
“Just a crazy thought.”
“NTA.”- Literalstranger
“NTA.”
“First of all, stuffed animals are not appropriate wedding attire if you’re older than the flower girl.”
“Second, I’m old and out of touch.”
“I expect some other wedding attendees will be like me.”
“I (and maybe they) would be unclear if her outfit was a homophobic protest against the marriage or a badly thought out support of the marriage.”
“She could end up having to explain that she’s not a homophobe many times over the course of the festivities.”-ggapsfface
“NTA.”
“The implication that the grooms are rats is uncool at their wedding.”
“It’s rude.”
“This is not about her sense of style but about support for your friends.”- saurellia
“That seems incredibly inappropriate to wear to a wedding.”- Jemma_2
“NTA.”
“But honestly you would be, if you brought her as a +1 while wearing that dress.”
“She sounds either completely socially unaware, or just selfish, if at age 30, she still doesn’t understand that a wedding day is extremely expensive, stressful, special, and cherished by the grooms, and she should not use it as a chance to display her creativity and make a spectacle.”
“Since she’s so completely unaware, it sadly falls to you to ‘manage’ her in this situation, and you WBTA if you don’t protect your friend’s event from that rude and disrespectful dress.”
“If she remains stubborn about wearing it, don’t be afraid to just RSVP for one.”-wolf_star_
“NTA.”
“That’s very inappropriate for a wedding.”
“Not to mention, kinda insulting.”- Nelashena
“Pride: Absolutely, wear the gay rat dress, I’d get a f*cking kick out of it.”
“At a gay wedding: absolutely not, I’d be judging you the entire time and your ‘quirkiness’ even if you were queer, ESPECIALLY at a formal event.”
“NTA, NTA, NTA.”- millhouse_vanhousen
“To be fair, it’s not that you aren’t letting her; you can’t stop her and you’re not pretending you can.”
“Nobody can paint you as being controlling in this.”
“All you’re doing is telling her how unbelievably crass it would be to wear that dress, how disrespectful it would seem, how poorly it would be received and overall how much of a weapons-grade flaming asshole she would be to wear it to these guys’ wedding.”
“NTA.”
“Holy sh*t, does she not see how incredibly dehumanizing and objectifying what she wants to do is?”
“It’s a gay wedding, so that makes a meme about rats a good fit?”
“‘Throw some rainbow sh*t at it, the gays love rainbows’ seems to broadly summarize her take.”-RafRafRafRaf
“NTA, for so many reasons.”
“Also please remind her, it’s their wedding, not hers.”- jeff4i017
“NTA, she really likes her attention huh?”
“A wedding is not a place for your girlfriend to demonstrate her creativity or take over the spotlight.”
“It’s not her art exhibition or fashion runway, it’s a place for her to dress up appropriately and attend a wedding in support of two people joining their lives together.”
“And not to be a sideshow.”
PS: ‘I support gay rats’ is a statement ripe for misunderstanding and offense from a lot of the guests.”
“I’m not even familiar with this meme myself and am an elder millennial.”
“So pretty sure those older than me are likely not to get it either.”- Issyswe
“As a gay person if someone showed up to my wedding in a pride dress inspired by a meme, they would be immediately removed.”
“Seriously?”
“Gay people haven’t had the right to get married for long.”
“That right is often threatened, and we are discriminated against at every turn as we wedding plan.”
“And she wants to make a joke out of it?”
“No f*ck right off.”
“Gay marriage isn’t a meme.”
“NTA.”- thecunninglinguistic
The OP later returned with an update, thanking the Reddit community for taking their time to comment, as well as sharing where their relationship currently stood.
“I would like to thank you all for your judgment, advices and opinions on my post, it was greatly appreciated!”
“So, the conversation did not go well.”
“She was livid with me for exposing her in this way, and although i showed her the comments, most important, the ones from the LGBTQIA community, she refused to admit that her dress was a poor choice, but in fact, her way to ‘appreciate the gays’.”
“That did not sit well with me.”
“Love can move mountains, but can NOT maintain a relationship with a homophobe.”
“So, now i am going to the wedding a single, rat-dress-free, man!”
“I did reach out to my friend and send him this post.”
“He thought the situation to be hilarious, but if she did show up in the dress, he would def kick us to the curb.”
“I guess this is all!”
It takes a very special, and very specific, kind of wedding where people would be delighted by the sight of a rat.
No matter the context.
Something one would have thought Nat would have considered before becoming obstinate about her fashion choice.
Even if it’s no fun to go to weddings alone, at least the OP can rest a bit easy knowing nothing will distract from his friend’s special day.