Finding a roommate poses many challenges.
One hopes to find someone whose personality vibes well with their own, who will be respectful of boundaries, clean up after themselves, not to mention pay their share on of the rent on time.
But Redditor racoongirl0 found themselves interviewing a roommate carrying a bit more excess baggage than she was willing to take on.
Worried she may not have been as sympathetic or understanding to this prospective roommate as she could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA For rejecting a potential roommate for being pregnant?”
The OP gave a short and concise post about her search for a new roommate, and why she found herself pulling the plug on one she thought was promising.
“I (26 F[emale]) moved in a new place and was looking for a roommate.”
“This girl and I matched on the search website and we talked about the apartment and our personalities and stuff and decided it’ll be a great fit, but then she told me she was 6 months pregnant.”
“I told her that’s a deal breaker for me because I have two little nieces so I’ve seen what a house looks like with a baby and she went OFF on me.”
“She basically implied that I was a selfish a**hole who’s immature and probably doesn’t want a single mother roommate because of the stigma, and how I’m the reason women stay in abusive relationships because they have nowhere to go.”
“I didn’t think I was in the wrong but the way she exploded on me kinda shook me and now idk…”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation.
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
There was unanimous agreement that the OP was not the a**hole, and was well within her rights to turn down this prospective roommate.
Just about everyone agreed that it was asking too much of the OP to take on the responsibility of a child, and thus she had every right to say no.
“NTA- Not wanting to live with a newborn is perfectly reasonable.”- HouseVelociraptors.
“I’m going with NTA.”
“Unless the apartment is sound proof, the baby will disrupt your sleep.”
“Then you get to the crawling/walking phases where everything must be baby proofed.”
“Which will affect all areas of the house.”
“Perhaps you could have worded it better, but really not wanting to live with a baby is a boundary you are allowed to have.”- SystemConfident399NTA.
“Having a kid around can have a massive affect on your home environment.”
“Refusing to be someone’s roommate because of that is very reasonable.”- Creepy_Amoeba5596
“God no, NTA, This is a completely valid reason not to room with her.”
“Newborns are loud and are huge responsibilities.” – gsnoes
“You were looking for one roommate, not two.”
“Living with a baby is stressful. “
“You’re not selfish.”
“It’s your home.” – MalsPrettyBonnet
“I wouldn’t have accepted her as a roommate either.”
“Even if you don’t get stuck caring for the kid, they are still noisy, etc.”
“Not fair to you to be woken up by a screaming infant at all hours of the day and night.” -Odd_Transition222
“You were looking for one roommate, not two.”
“Living with a baby is stressful.”
“You’re not selfish.”
“It’s your home.”- MalsPrettyBonnet
“If you did accept her as a roommate, that flat would end up being geared entirely around the child despite you paying half the rent.”
“You’d have little use of communal areas and have to watch what you say and do just to avoid conflict.”
“That’s not what you’re looking for in a home situation.”
“That outburst, she was probably projecting onto you, you definitely dodged a missile.”- ScorchieSon
“I don’t think you are. Kids can be a lot.”
“There is nothing wrong with deciding you don’t want to be a roommate with her anymore.”- Tsthetruth_24
“NTA- you asked for a roommate, not a roommate and a baby added on.”
“Sounds like from her response you dodged a massive bullet, I can only assume that she would’ve asked you to take on help with raising her kid, which is well above the normal responsibilities of a roommate.”
“Good luck with your roommate search, OP, hope you find a good one.”-AmbientAsslord
Many even felt that the prospective roommate was being the a**hole for guilt tripping the OP.
“NTA you don’t want to live with a baby.”
“She is the one being selfish acting like she’s entitled to someone’s house.” – BazTheBaptist
“NTA, you want a roommate, not roommates where one happens to be a screaming baby.”
“And just from how she reacted, your dodged a massive, entitled, b word.” – Responsible-Mall2222
While there were those who did express their sympathy for the pregnant prospective roommate, acknowledging that finding an apartment and/or roommate in her situation had to be difficult, they still agreed that it was more than reasonable for the OP to say no.
“NTA you were looking for one roommate not two.”
“Edit to add: I can understand the pregnant woman’s frustrations.”
“I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult to find affordable housing.”
“Once she has the baby it might be easier housing assistance wise.”
“But just because her situation sucks doesn’t mean it is OPs fault.”- NefariousnessGlum424
“NTA, obviously. “
“You are looking for a roommate, a baby completely changes the whole situation.”
“She is probably getting desperate and frustrated as everyone would have had told her the same thing.”
“It is unfortunate if she is in a sh*tty situation, but it’s not your problem.”
“It has nothing to do with ‘stigma’ you have every right to not want someone taking over your living space with a newborn.” – CJHarts
“‘She basically implied that I was a selfish asshole who’s immature and probably doesn’t want a single mother roommate because of the stigma'”
“No … you don’t want a (single) mother roommate because everything that comes with having a single parent as a roommate, like ‘Can you keep an eye on the baby while I do this and that?'”
“‘Can you babysit for an hour or two while I go grocery shopping?'”
“‘Can I borrow some money for diapers/formula/whatever, because it’ll be a few days until I get paid?'”
“And these are only a few options that could happen, let alone the stress of having a newborn in your home that is not yours.”
“‘And how I’m the reason women stay in abusive relationships because they have nowhere to go.'”
“Also wrong, women (and men alike) are in abusive relationship due to bad luck because they didn’t notice the red flags until it was too late or due to bad choices as in ‘Once we moved in together/are married/have a child it’ll be better’, but that’s not the problem of a random person on the internet that you’ve met like an hours ago.”
“Sure it’s tragic and shouldn’t happen, but there are other options like friends, family or shelters.”
“You can’t help everyone and thanks to poor job opportunities and wages a lot of people can barely support themself, let alone another person.”
Indeed, not everyone wants to bring children into their life, and children should never be thrust upon others.
But one does hope that the prospective roommate is able to find a comfortable living situation for herself, and for her baby.