Life gets really busy, and sometimes we might feel resentful when we don’t get to spend as much time with a loved one, especially a boyfriend or a girlfriend, as we would like to.
But if we were to stoop to nefarious measures just to get that loved one’s attention, our problems would clearly be much bigger than just wanting quality time, pointed out the alarmed users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor anamariiia5’s boyfriend had never really been close to her dog, so she was surprised when he offered to care for her while she went out of town to visit her grandparents.
But when he mysteriously “lost” her dog while she was gone, the Original Poster (OP) immediately broke up with him, suspicious that there was more to the story.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend because he lost my dog?”
One of the OP’s most important relationships was the one she shared with her dog.
“My boyfriend (24 Male) and I (24 Female) have been together for almost four years. We get along okay for the most part. Things like him losing something of mine HAS happened before, but never to this level.”
“I have had my dog, Milo (12 Female) for her whole life. We grew up together, and it’s really hard for her to get to trust other people. She has always been an anxious girl, but she is the light of my life and was always by my side even in my worst days.”
The OP’s boyfriend did not share the same relationship with Milo.
“Three years ago, I introduced my boyfriend to my family, which is just my mom and Milo.”
“He and my mom got along okay, but he did not acknowledge Milo in any way, which is fine, I did not expect him to be all over her, considering she does not like that, but I still found it pretty strange because he said he absolutely LOVED dogs, and to be honest, I believed that because he would always pet dogs when we were outside.”
“Any interaction for the past three years with her was limited, but Milo warmed up to him. She would greet him, go to him for pets (which he sometimes gave), and accepted him on our daily walks.”
As time went on, the OP became concerned about how her boyfriend felt about Milo.
“A year and a half ago, Milo got sick. She had a tooth infection, which was pretty bad, and her whole right eye was swollen shut.”
“I asked my boyfriend to take us to the vet because I don’t have a car. The vet took care of the infection, and gave me some antibiotics to give her every day and instructions to clean the wound that was left after the vet cleaned the puss.”
“For a couple of weeks, I did not hang out that much with my boyfriend. I took care of Milo because she was not feeling great.”
“One thing that stood out to me was the fact that he seemed pretty p**sed every time I brought her up, talking about her progress. Looking back, that should have raised some red flags, but I guess I brushed it off.”
“Now that I gave you the short version of the past, this is what’s happening in the present…”
The OP was surprised when her boyfriend offered to watch Milo during a recent vacation.
“I planned with my mom to go on a short vacation to visit my grandparents.”
“I was talking to my boyfriend about this trip, and I told him who would take care of Milo, my best friend, Alex (23 Male).”
“My boyfriend then offered to take care of her. He was mad that I did not come first to him, stating that he loves Milo and wanted to go on walks with her.”
“I reluctantly agreed, considering this ‘love’ for her was out of the blue.”
But then the worst thing happened.
“The trip was supposed to last three days. On day two, I was talking with my boyfriend on the phone, and he casually said that Milo really liked to stay outside. For me, this felt off, and asked him what he meant.”
“HE LEFT MY SWEET GIRL OUTSIDE, FOR HOURS AT A TIME, ALONE, AND WOULD CHECK UP ON HER HOURLY ONLY!”
“Mind you, I live in an apartment, and I don’t have a backyard. She was just… outside.”
“My mom and I left as soon as I told her, and we arrived back home at around 9:00 PM. By the time we got back, he had no idea where Milo was; he lost my beloved dog.”
“Since then, I blocked my boyfriend on everything and have been searching for my girl. I have printed posters, went out every day for hours at a time, and put her on Facebook groups around my area.”
“Now, he and his friend group say I’m an a**hole because I have put my dog above my boyfriend in all of our four years of relationship.”
“I know for a fact this is not true, but I don’t have anyone else to ask, besides people that are really close to me and would be biased.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were worried that the boyfriend was jealous and lost Milo on purpose.
“NTA. This is negligence when he had a responsibility to uphold.”
“Heck, he might have done this on purpose.” – Forsaken_Inside4196
“NTA. This wasn’t an accident. This was deliberate.” – Disastrous-Cabybara
“It feels purposeful, him insisting that he care for the dog and then making a point to say that she likes being outside… NTA, OP. I’m praying for you and your sweet girl.” – LavenderDustan
“He got rid of his competition. It’s that simple. That is why he suddenly loved her out of the blue. It was his opportunity to get rid of the attention he wanted from you.”
“He didn’t like that OP was giving more attention to her dog when the dog got sick. The (ex) boyfriend seized an opportunity to be rid of the dog. I suspect he did something more nefarious than simply leaving the dog outside all day.”
“OP, you are absolutely choosing your dog over this ‘man’ and rightfully so. There’s really no question where your priorities should be and you’ve put your priority in the right place. Your dog has been in your life three times longer than you were with this man.”
“Your dog is dependent on you and you have a responsibility to be your dog’s caregiver. Your ex is not your dependent and you don’t have the same responsibility for him as you do for your dog. Don’t listen to anyone who says otherwise.”
“NTA. Good riddance. What a pr**k.” – Rikkendra
“NTA. Your boyfriend’s negligence led to your dog’s disappearance, and his lack of care for Milo over the years clearly shows where his priorities lie. Breaking up was justified. Keep searching for Milo, involve local shelters, vets, and social media for broader reach.” – veelvetyheart
Others agreed and suggested ways to hopefully get Milo back.
“I feel so bad for you but especially for Milo, who is probably so confused right now.”
“You need to talk to your ex. Tell him you’ll get back together with him (lie) once he gets Milo back to you. I say this because I think he dumped your dog somewhere. Either he gave Milo to someone or, if he has a car, took her a distance that he thinks is too far for her to return to you.”
“Say what you need to, to get him to cooperate with you. Hopefully, this will get Milo back. Then kick your ex to the curb.” – Prestigious-Bluejay5
“There are no rules once a helpless, elderly creature is in trouble. Lie to that jerk if you have to. Say whatever you need to for him to tell you what happened to her.”
“It’s going to be a gross feeling but just remember who this is for. All of my hopes for finding your sweet girl.” – LeSilverKitsune
“Check all your local shelters. It feels like he’s given her away and is pretending she’s wandered off.” – DisastrousDinner9575
“Go to the next two or three nearest shelters. He may have taken her further away so you wouldn’t find her. You know he got rid of her so he wouldn’t have to share you, right?” – calminthedark
“Poor Milo. He’s been jealous of this dog since day since. He either hurt the dog or let her loose miles away from home. Absolutely unforgivable.”
“OP, I hope you find her!! Never speak to this miserable creature of a ‘man’ ever again!” – lefdinthelurch
After receiving feedback, the OP shared more developments in a second post.
“A lot of people asked me for an update, I should have waited until I got some rest, but you all were so helpful and you deserve to know how this ended.”
“My ex came today to get his stuff, and some of you might be happy about what you are about to read, but he did not get a single thing back.”
“When he saw me, he started begging me to forgive him and, thanks to you again, I agreed to forgive him if he told me the truth.”
“He just looked me straight in the face and said, ‘If I’m going to be honest, you won’t forgive me.'”
“My heart broke all over again, thinking about the worst of things. When he saw me cry, he told me I should get over it because she was already old, but if I really wanted her back, I should get back with him and when he trusted me that I really forgave him, I could see her again.”
“I was exhausted, hopeless, and angered, and even though I wanted my girl back, I could not look at him, let alone be with him for however long he thought it took me to forgive him. So he left, not telling me a single thing about Milo.”
The OP was able to find Milo on her own.
“I got a call some hours later and on the other end was a lady who found Milo on the side of the road. She told me she would wait for me to come because when she wanted to pick her up, she seemed to be in pain.”
“When I got there and saw her, lying there, all my emotions flooded me. My sweet baby, even though she looked so different, was alive.”
“She is now staying overnight at the vet. She has two broken ribs and is dehydrated.”
“If everything goes well, she will be home soon.”
“I appreciate each and every one of you who took the time to guide me in this nightmare. Thank you again. I will be pressing charges.”
The OP then shared a heartbreaking update about how Milo was doing (warning: abuse).
“I’m exhausted but grateful to say that Milo is back home with me.”
“She is doing as good as she can, but she does not like being pet on the left side at all. The main injury is still her ribs, but she was burnt with a cigarette in three different places.”
“He also hit her in the head and most likely stepped on her leg. She is afraid of anything that looks like a stick.”
“We have a follow-up appointment scheduled, and she’s also on pain meds. My heart breaks for her.”
“He has not confirmed anything, his story is changing every day, ranging from: he has lost her; hit her by mistake and she ran; hit her harder than he thought he would and got scared that I would be mad, so he left her outside; and being sad that he did not do more harm to her.”
“I can’t and will not trust anything he says, but he does help me a lot by sending me messages.”
Fortunately, the OP was able to update the post with a positive update.
“I have pressed charges, and I now have a lawyer.”
“I unblocked my ex like some of you said and it was THE BEST THING I DID. He is incriminating himself, and my lawyer believes we have a chance of winning.”
“As of right now, I can only get a restraining order if he shows up at my house/work or if he follows me around. As of now, from what I have been told, I cannot get one. He has only sent me messages, thankfully, but I do not feel safe. I have friends picking me up or dropping me off most of the time.”
“But because of the texts he’s been sending me, though, I might be able to get a protection order.”
“His friend group has apologized. His mom is in contact with me.”
“Milo will be home later today and she has a very good chance of making a full recovery, at least physically.”
“My locks will also be changed tomorrow.”
“Thank you all so much. I am sending you and your pets the warmest hugs.”
Not only was everyone disgusted by how the boyfriend used this situation to benefit himself in the most questionable way possible, but when it was revealed what he had potentially done to Milo to hopefully gain the OP’s attention made the situation all the worse.
It’s okay to want to spend more time with a loved one, but when it comes to stakes like this, mental health attention seems much more important.