I travel by train whenever possible. I love train travel.
One thing I always do is pay the few extra dollars for trip insurance. That way, if I have to cancel for any reason, I get a full refund.
Stuff happens in life.
A brother dealing with family vacation drama turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Moist_Ad4128 asked:
“AITA for not giving back 7K from a vacation reimbursement so my brother can pay vet bills from his dog?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Last summer, a family vacation was planned for my family (male, 40, my wife, and 2 kids) my brother’s family (male, 33, his wife, 1 kid), and our parents. The plan was to go to Maui in May 2025.”
“It’s easily the most expensive trip any of us have been on. A fishing trip with dad was booked, a very expensive Vrbo was booked, and final payment occurred last month, and at that point could not be canceled.”
“These shared costs were put on my credit card and I was fully reimbursed by all parties for their share.”
“Last week, my brother’s Black Lab had a severe health issue. The dog was 6 years old and unfortunately it passed.”
“I got word of it and sent my condolences. A few days later, I got a phone call from my brother.”
“Essentially he went all out trying to save the dog and has a significant vet bill coming his way.”
“He informed me that him and his family are backing out of the trip. He asked for his money back that he paid me.”
“Needless to say, a disagreement occurred between us. He thinks because he canceled he should be reimbursed.”
“My family and our parents will still be going. The trip can’t be changed at this point.”
“They paid a share of the Vrbo. The fishing trip was a gift for our dad. He is coming at me because he paid me money.”
“They helped pick the Vrbo. Not the first time they’ve used Vrbo either. They know the closer to the trip, the less likely it is to be refundable.”
“Everyone was on their own for flights. Food costs and some experience costs have not been committed yet. Those don’t factor in here.”
“Splitting just the Vrbo to reimburse him means thousands more I’m paying for. I mean, I don’t want to increase my trip cost by 5K to help my brother out.”
“I’m not reimbursing him—I’m not about to pay another 7K (all the nonrefundable costs) out of my pocket.”
“I told him absolutely not. He’s called me an a**hole and threatened small claims court.”
“It’s been a pretty toxic last few days. He refuses to consider going, citing finances, emotional distress from the dog, and he doesn’t want to be around me.”
“Am I the a**hole here?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“AITA for arguing with my brother over money? I might be the a**hole because I refuse to pay back almost 7K for a vacation he is not going on.”
“Arguing with him when he is emotional over the death of his dog. I’m putting him in a tougher financial hole since he owes a large vet bill.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. These were nonrefundable costs, and that is how life works. I assume any trip I back out of, I am not getting a refund.”
“Now, it would be good for the rest of you going to chat about what you COULD refund him. If changes can be made to certain things, like excursions, where you could get a refund for his part, then try.”
“If all the family members are willing to kick in a little to cover part of the house rental, then that would be nice.”
“If there are ways to help your brother, you should all consider doing so, but no, he can’t get money for the nonrefundable stuff back.” ~ mfruitfly
“I agree the brother should have done the legwork & not pinned it all on OP (NTA), but I’ll give the brother a pass because his dog died.”
“I think it’s a healthier decision for everyone to bring the group together & try to work out what they can. That includes the brother working out a payment plan with the vet though.” ~ dilletaunty
“So tell him you don’t have his money to give back to him. VRBO has it and they won’t give it back…” ~ NeedARita
“If he had booked the trip himself, he’d be out the money just like now, but somehow since he paid it to you, he expects you to pay him back, when that’s not how it works.”
“His situation sucks, but that’s how life works sometimes. You simply don’t have the money to give back to him since it has already been used to pay for the trip.”
“The money you used at first to book it was a loan to him, not extra money you had.” ~ ForgottenChangeling
“Definitely an unfortunate situation and I feel terrible for your brother and his family. But his money is gone, it’s already been used by him to reserve this trip and it’s not reasonable for him to expect you to eat the cost.”
“The one thing that might help this situation is if any of you were smart enough to book the trip with travel insurance. Even if you didn’t purchase it separately, many travel credit cards offer this automatically.”
“So you might need to do some research based on your cards. I really hope that this route works for you so he can get at least a partial reimbursement.” ~ MustangTheLionheart
“NTA. I’ve been in that dog situation. There exist companies that’ll do payment plans for massive vet bills… though in all honesty I regret not just letting the poor girl pass in peace.”
“It’s an emotional time for your brother, hopefully he cools off eventually. Though I admit that threatening court for something that he consented to happen is kind of funny.” ~ Quinzal
“Same. Spent over $4,000 for chemo for our 5-year-old pit/boxer and she went downhill halfway thru, so I get why his brother is upset, but the brother needs to figure it out.”
“He can’t expect other people to put themselves in a bind because he’s in a bind.” ~ InformationUnique313
“NTA. You aren’t keeping his money. The money was nonrefundable. It’s unfortunately that he lost his puppy but you didn’t have anything to do with it.” ~ Ok-Cheetah-9125
“OP isn’t keeping money, the money has been spent on the vacation and the window for reimbursement from cancelling on time has passed.”
“The loss of the dog and subsequent vet bills was an unexpected blow, but it’s neither OP’s fault/problem, nor is there any way for OP to get the money back without shelling out money from his own pocket.”
“OP, my advice to your brother would be, ‘Find someone else who would like to take your spot that the family would be OK with having on a family event and have them pay to take your spot. Otherwise, this is a vacation already paid for. I’m not keeping our money from you, you’ve spent that money on a trip you now don’t want to go on’.”
“Speaking to his vet about a payment plan for this bill, and a possible discount if paid in full due to the loss of the pet would be the way to go. NTA.” ~ Discount_Mithral
“We went through something similar. Cat had emergency surgery to the tune of $6K. You know what we did? We paid the vet with our credit card and paid off the credit card when we could.”
“Sh*t like this happens when you own pets. He made the decision to spend money he apparently didn’t have to spare on the trip and then spend it again on the dog.”
“Now his poor decision making is YOUR problem? Got to love relatives. This is why I don’t do trips with relatives any more. They just break your heart.” ~ anonanon-do-do-do
“NTA. If you could cancel his part of the trip and still chose to not reimburse him, it would be different. But it sounds like nothing can be canceled or changed at this point.”
“If you gave him his money back, you’d be out the 7k and that isn’t fair to you as you weren’t the one to initially book his portion of the trip or choose to try every effort to save his dog.”
“And 7k isn’t such a small amount that people would be willing to cover. It sucks, but he will have to figure out his finances without expecting you to cover the costs.” ~ X-cited
“Did you tell him that you don’t have the money anymore and it is physically impossible to get it back? Like there’s nothing you can do.”
“What would his response to that be? What is he suggesting that you do, exactly?”
Tell him, ‘I would love to get your money back. I don’t know how, so you will have to walk me through the process step by step’. Maybe then he will figure out what he is asking is impossible.” ~ Alternative-Redditer
“This is the correct answer. The vet bills and the trip are completely unrelated.”
“Sadly, the brother went into debt to try to save his dog. Now, he needs to figure out how to pay that debt. There are tough options out there: credit card debt, work an extra job, sell things he owns, borrow from someone (although I wouldn’t trust him to pay back a family member at this point), etc…”
“One of the toughest ways to pay that debt would be to try to get a refund on a nonrefundable trip. Definitely NTA.” ~ ChicagoDash
While it’s unfortunate that the brother’s dog died, his family members don’t have his money.
The nonrefundable fees they all paid for the vacation are where his money is.
If those businesses won’t refund the money, then it’s gone.