When living with a roommate, compromises always have to be made.
But the compromises are where the drama can start.
Who gets rid of what? Who keeps what?
The battle can be brutal.
Redditor This-Guidance-9105 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not getting rid of my cats for my pregnant best friend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I, 22 F[emale], have lived alone since the beginning of this year in a 2bed/2bath condo.”
“I have one cat, my pet, but I also volunteer with a local cat rescue organization.”
“It’s fairly often that I temporarily foster cats/kittens anywhere from just 1 night or 2 weeks at most, until we clear them to be placed in our shelter, or with another foster, or they are adopted.”
“Usually I take in 1 foster at a time, but at times it’s 2 if they’re siblings, bonded, etc.”
“Recently this summer, my best friend ‘Kristy’ 23 F[emale], moved in with me because she was on very bad/hostile terms with her mom and stepdad, who she lived with, and it was safer for her to move out.”
“I, of course, offered her to stay with me, and she’s been in the spare bedroom since.”
“However last month, Kristy found out she’s pregnant from her B[oy]F[riend].”
“They have a plan to get their own place ASAP she says, but I truly don’t mind if she stays here as long as she needs.”
“Given that she’s pregnant, when she told her mom last week, her mom wanted to come over and talk things out.”
“So she came here on Thursday, and they talked privately for about 2 hours.”
“When they came out, it seemed like it was a good chat, and they were more relaxed.”
“But, her mom kinda turned her attention towards me and said, ‘If Kristy’s going to be living here, you need to do something about the cats.'”
“I asked what she meant, and she mentioned toxoplasmosis, the litter boxes, the number of cats here, etc., and started getting an attitude towards me and said, ‘You guys should’ve thought of this already.’”
“I let her know we did, actually, and there’s an extremely low to no risk of toxoplasmosis.”
“I only have one cat (my own) in the main house, who doesn’t go into Kristy’s room.”
“Kristy also has 0 obligations or responsibilities for my cats. I let her know that the minute she moved in.”
“All the litter boxes are cleaned a minimum of twice daily and aren’t even anywhere near Kristy.”
“My cat’s litter box is kept in the garage (she has a cat door), and any foster cats I have are kept in my master bathroom.”
“It’s a large bathroom and adapted to be safe for a temporary foster.”
“The only interaction Kristy has is if she happens to be in the living room/hallway/kitchen with my cat at the same time, so contact is extremely limited.”
“I also want to add that all cats I foster are up to date with vaccines, spayed/neutered, and exclusively indoor cats only.”
“After explaining all this to Kristy’s mom, I told her that, at most, I would be willing to possibly limit the fosters I bring in, but I will absolutely not be getting rid of my cat. “
“She told me ‘Well yours is the biggest risk here.’”
“Also, she tried to suggest that I stop volunteering with cats altogether until Kristy moved out or when the baby was born.”
“Kristy tried interrupting her mom to calm down because she kept going on about how I’m being selfish, I’m not realizing that she’s carrying another life now, not considering the risks, etc.”
“But given their relationship, she was very on edge with her mom which I understand.”
“I love my best friend, but I will not be getting rid of my pet in my own home that was here before she was.”
“I’m willing to adapt and limit fosters, but I genuinely do not think I’m risking anyone’s health here and don’t want to stop volunteering.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. As long as she’s not scooping the litter boxes, she should be fine.”
“If her mom is so concerned, maybe she should step up and be a better parent to her daughter so she can live with her.” ~ sickofdriving007
“Exactly. Kristy is a hot mess.”
“Needed to move in with OP because she can’t get along with her parents, incapable of using birth control correctly, decides to keep a baby she can’t provide for when she has nowhere to live.”
“I would try to remove myself from her unending drama as soon as possible but my cats would be staying. NTA.” ~ Brennan_Boru1031
“Please get Kristy out of the house.”
“Those kitties are in danger if her mother is ever there without you there.”
“It’s probably not a popular opinion, but I am nearly 60 years old.”
“I have always had 2-3 dogs and 2 cats since I was born.’
“I have 4 kids, 39 years old, 38, 35, and 17 years old.”
“I had cats all through my pregnancy.”
“All of my children are healthy, 2 went on to college, one a trades.”
“They have always been around cats and dogs. (Ugh .. a turtle a one time too).”
“I do not believe, with proper care and hand washing, there is a problem.”
“Take care of your fur babies!” ~ Maleficent_Bat_3091
“If you don’t set time limits and boundaries, you may end up being a volunteer parent, 🍼too.”
“Time for Kristy to grow up and move out to live with her baby daddy.”
“Maybe she should have talked earlier to a physician about birth control.”
“So gutsy of her and her poor excuse of a mother to call you out, IN YOUR OWN HOME, for having a cat, and homing kitties, especially when you’ve been Kristy’s meal ticket way too long.”
“You sound responsible. She sounds immature and hasn’t learned a thing from your examples, and obviously, she learned little from her mother, except to behave ungraciously.”
“I hope she’s been working and paying you some compensation for staying there all this time!” ~ Opinionated6319
“I would honestly be concerned that given the relationship with her mom is tense, she is vulnerable to enabling insanity on her part, and something could happen to your pets.”
“Housing your pregnant bestie is INCREDIBLY generous.”
“Do you have an agreement written up so you can easily get rid of her if the mess goes down? NTA.” ~ Catfactss
“NTA, your house, your cat.”
“Her baby is not your responsibility, AND as long as she stays away from the litter box, she’s fine.”
“Sincerely, A pregnant woman whose indoor cat is currently sleeping on her lap.” ~ TheSannens
“NTA. Plenty of pregnant women live with cats and are just fine.”
“I suspect Kristy’s mom is doing this to pressure her to move back home, where she can then have more control over her daughter.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA. You don’t want to get rid of the cats.”
“Kristy doesn’t want you to get rid of the cats.”
“This is a non-issue.”
“If Kristy has such a toxic relationship with her mom, her mom should not be coming to your house.”
“Let Kristy go to hers if she can’t go N[o] C[ontact].” ~ FuzzyMom2005
“NTA. Ignore Kristy’s mom she doesn’t know what she is talking about.”
“If you are going to limit anything in YOUR home, it should be to limit Kristy’s mom’s visitation.” ~ throwaway113022
“She was trying to control and intimidate you the same way she does her daughter.”
“The audacity to say you are selfish when this is your home that you’ve been generous enough to invite her daughter to live in!”
“Does Kristy pay you any rent or utilities?”
“Even if everything is split equally, it is still your home, and that woman had no business speaking to you like that!”
“I get it, though.”
“You’re 22.”
“Very much an adult, but still in a place where when dealing with an overbearing parental figure, you don’t feel comfortable asserting yourself.”
“But I think this will be a great moment for you, where next time someone treats you like that, you’ll find your voice more easily!”
“Please send this post to this horrible woman the moment she dares to say another word to you about this!” ~ JLHuston
“NTA. Cats were there first. Kirsty’s Mom was so toxic that Kirsty had to move out.”
“Seems to me that Kirsty’s Mom is just trying to stir s**t.”
“Maybe tell Kristy’s Mom if she actually acted like a Mom, her daughter wouldn’t have had to have moved out in the first place.” ~ Waste_Worker6122
“NTA. Kristy’s fetus is not your concern.”
“If Kristy’s mom is this worried, she’s free to secure alternate housing for her daughter.” ~ StAlvis
“NTA. They should talk to a vet for reassurance.”
“There’s no risk unless she is scooping the litter boxes and had direct contact with cat feces.”
“Many pregnant women live with cats.” ~ T_G_A_H
“NTA. Her mom is out of line.”
“Nobody can expect a person to give up their pets (that already lived there) because a person temporarily staying with them found out they are pregnant.”
“If that’s a concern for the pregnant woman, then they can move out.”
“That’s the solution, end of story.” ~ Stranger0nReddit
“NTA. Kristy’s mom has no say here.
“She’s made her rude and entitled ‘request,’ and now she can drop it.”
“If she won’t.”
“Don’t allow her over anymore.”
“Ironic that mom is more toxic than your litter boxes.”
“And more full of s**t too !!” ~ WhizzoButterBoy
“NTA… it’s time to get rid of your best friend.”
“This is your apartment, not hers.”
“I understand that she is in a rough spot, but you don’t want your world to be taken over by a baby and her mother.” ~ TimeRecognition7932
“NTA. Actually, you are a sweetie.”
“You gave your friend a place to stay when she needed it most and have excluded her from at least part (anything to do with the cats) responsibility of the household.”
“Her mom is the AH, is gaslighting and projecting guilt.”
“My response would be to tell Kristy she is welcome to stay, but your cats are there for good.”
“Also, a new rule of no mom at my house would be put in place.”
“You have a dependent on that little fur baby.” ~ Emergency-Chicken-13
“NTA. That’s a mother from hell. I bet she will come back with more complaints about everything.”
“You are doing the right thing for your friend, for your cat, and for yourself, so don’t let a strange meddle in.” ~ radika_sundari
“NTA. That lady is overreacting.”
“If I get pregnant, I am NOT getting rid of my own cats.”
“I would never do it for someone else.” ~ Ryoko_Kusanagi69
“NTA. Kristy should move back home immediately or in with her boyfriend.”
“I would not trust the roommate or M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] in this situation.”
“I hope you have cameras outside your home.” ~ Beanerho
“NTA. Your house, the cat was first, if she doesn’t feel safe she should take the responsibility to leave.” ~ hrh-sylvanas
OP came back to chat…
“Thank you, everyone, for the suggestions and educational info.”
“I did my best research as soon as I found out Kristy was pregnant, and it was a relief to see so many comments concurring.”
“Secondly, I do thankfully have cameras in mostly all spaces in my home, including front and back entrances.”
“I truly don’t believe Kristy herself would ever harm or put my cat in danger, but I know crazier things have happened.”
“Last, Kristy is staying at her BF’s tonight and we haven’t spoken much about the situation.”
“In the little talk we had after her mom left, she was deeply apologetic and did tell me she doesn’t mind the cat(s) at all and doesn’t feel unsafe.”
“I will be talking to her again tomorrow night about not allowing her mom here given the way she spoke to me and about my animals, and coming up with a more airtight agreement in writing of her living situation here.”
If Kristy’s mom cares about this pregnancy so much, maybe she should take Kristy home with her.
How dare she treat you this… and in your own home.
It’s nice to hear that you have Kristy’s support.
I’m glad you’re being preemptive and taking security measures.
You can’t be too careful.