There’s a lot that can work against a relationship. If you aren’t on the same page on many issues, things might not work out.
Redditor DakotaCaseyy explains where she and her boyfriend don’t see eye to eye. The original poster (OP) doesn’t like how her significant other treats her pet.
This leads to OP telling her boyfriend she would pick her dog over him, making him upset. Unsure if she was a jerk for doing this, she decides to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for perspective.
She asked the internet:
“AITA for telling my boyfriend I’ll choose my dog over him any day.”
But how bad could the boyfriend have been?
“I (18f[emale]) have had my dog for just over a year now, I started dating my boyfriend (22m[ale]) about 6 months ago.”
“He’s not a big fan of my cocker spaniel who’s in his terrible twos stage and chewing everything. He always says we need to get rid of him- which btw we live in separate homes.”
“He’s constantly flicking him, shoving him off the bed etc. He said when we move in together he wants another dog. I told him good fing luck, if he’s treating my current dog like this we will not be getting another one in the future.”
“It then came down to us fighting every day over him. When I got Jasper (my dog, forgot to mention his name) I was a 17 year old, living on my own trying to balance two jobs plus senior year of high school. Jasper helped me be more motivated, because to be honest between 50 hours of work a week and being a full time student, I couldn’t find time to clean.”
“I even taught him to pick up toys after himself. He’s not a bad dog, quiet, well behaved, kennel trained, maybe a bit of separation anxiety but that’s about it.”
“So yesterday when my boyfriend told me I’d always choose him over Jasper I lashed out on him. I told him I would choose my dog over him a million times and he could go fk himself- which is where I may have been in the wrong.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
On the AITA board, OP is judged for how she reacted to her situation. In this case, her boyfriend saying she’d choose him over a dog. OP “lashed out” in her own words, and is judged for that by the responding commenters.
They do this by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The commenters agreed that pushing and flicking a dog and threatening to get a new one seems abusive to the animal. OP setting her boundary that she will not get rid of her dog to keep her boyfriend isn’t wrong.
It was agreed that OP was NTA for telling him she’s keeping her dog no matter what.
“NTA and I have no idea why or how you are still with him. Anyone pushed my dog off the bed would be walking home 😅” – VaultHunter93
“NTA – and you need to rethink your relationship with someone who flicks/shoves your dog and is controlling enough to try to dictate what goes on in your apartment.”
“Imagine how actually living together would be. Your dog doesn’t deserve that and neither do you. You should double down on what you said and choose Jasper now.” – BreamKing
“NTA if he’s flicking him and pushing him off the bed, why do you want him around your dog? That sounds abusive towards the dog.”
“I’ve had my dog for 2 months but I’d chose him over a significant other any day.” – BeautifulTrash101
“NTA – it really chaps my ass when people get into relationships, only to start telling their new partner ‘you will change this for me, you will choose me over anything you care about.’ The hell I will, bud!”
“I was who I am before you, I will continue to be who I am, and you clearly don’t actually like me if you think I owe you leaving things from my life behind, get your act together or gtfo!”
“Also, can I request to see pic of your boy Jasper??” – queeftheunicorn
“One of my favorite sayings is ‘boyfriends are temporary, pets are forever’. Also I second getting the pet tax. You can’t talk about your pet on the internet and then just NOT show them to us lol” – ShurtugalLover
That’s not to say they didn’t think that OP wasn’t wrong entirely. She said she would choose her dog over her boyfriend.
So why hasn’t she done that already?
“YTA for continuing to date this guy the first time he flicked or shoved your dog.” – Admirable-Marsupial6
“Agreed. WHY are you with this person? Anyone lay a non-loving hand on one of my pets, and they’re out the door.” – SarcarsticBlackCat
“YTA for still being with someone who’s mean to your dog.”
“He sounds really controlling too; you’ve only been together 6 months, you’re only 18 barely out of HS (vs bf 22), and he’s stating what’s going to happen ‘when’ you move in together?”
“You’re right to pick your dog over your AH boyfriend, but you haven’t actually done that yet.” – calling_water
“YTA for allowing someone to abuse your dog continuously. You have a bigger problem than whether he likes your dog or not.”
“And you should choose your dog over anyone. That dog is your responsibility for life. You shouldn’t own it if you don’t believe that. This guy is terrible.” – Hopz_7
“YTA for dating someone who flicks and shoves your dog. Are you sure you love your dog? Because I would NEVER let someone treat my dog like that.”
“You find a guy who shoves dogs off the bed attractive? Couldn’t be me.” – DiscoBoi95
“NTA. Choose the dog already!” – Pleasant-Koala147
The basic issue at play here is whether or not OP can say she puts her dog first if she isn’t putting a stronger resistance to her boyfriend’s treatment of the animal.
The dog is a responsibility, and that includes protecting it from jerk boyfriends.