Telling a stranger something about their appearance can be awkward.
Even with the best of intentions, some people can feel like they're being judged or nitpicked.
It can be especially dramatic in public.
Telling someone about their clothes while amongst other strangers can make a person self-conscious and moody.
Redditor Ramune_hime wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for telling a stranger that their underwear is visible?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"This literally just happened."
"I went up an escalator, and in front of me was this woman with her child and husband."
"She’s wearing really tight black flare leggings, and her undies were shining right through."
"It didn’t look intentional at all."
"(Note that her butt was literally in my face as I stood below them, and I am a woman too!!)"
"When we reached the top, she had to adjust something at her jacket, so I used that short moment to tell her, 'your whole underwear is visible, just so that you’re aware of that' without judgment or implying that I find that wrong."
"She got kinda angry and huffed at me to get lost."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for pointing out that a strangers underwear is fully visible?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"If they can't fix it in 5 seconds, you don't mention it."
"Weight, Pimples, Hairstyle, Outfit."
"All off limits."
"Zipper down?"
"Lettuce in teeth?"
"Toilet paper on a shoe?"
"Speak up." ~ AndNowAStoryAboutMe
"NAH. If a garment is sheer and someone may inadvertently expose themselves, you should tell them."
"The same goes for period blood leaks."
"Regardless of how long the fix takes, you can’t just let someone walk around like that." ~ MyDarlingClementine
"There is a reason we call it 'underwear,' and if it's fully visible through your outerwear, it may not be intended."
"OP isn't wrong for letting someone know."
"It would be wrong to shame them or take pictures, but it's not wrong to let someone know if you think they're having an unintentional wardrobe malfunction."
"I had my wife tell a woman her shirt was fully transparent when I could entirely see her chest through the fabric."
"It wasn't in a shameful or how dare she way, it was like 'hey, I dont know if you know, but your shirt is see through,' and it wasn't a conversation I was going to bridge that day as a guy."
"The woman thanked my wife and did seem genuinely shocked and embarrassed."
"She even quickly covered herself with a light coat she must've worn outside."
"It's the same premise, but with underwear, not everyone wants that to be visible, and if they didn't know it was visible, you are only helping them by informing them."
"If they wanted them showing, then no harm, who cares?" ~ OddDc-ed
"Yeah, I once had a pair of khaki colored pants and worked as a cashier somewhere that just required khaki."
"I wore them 4 times without anyone saying anything, and I caught the right mirror the 5th time and threw them away."
"You could tell the size, color, and pattern of my panties."
"I tell myself they were cheap pants that just thinned in the wash, but I think we all know the truth."
"I WISH someone had told me."
"There was another cashier behind me every day."
"I'm a big girl, and I can imagine the mocking. Sigh."
"Better they know than not."
"You did the right thing." ~ peacefully84
"A nice lady told me that my dress was too sheer and that she could see my undies."
"At home, it looked totally opaque, and I never thought for a minute it would be see-through."
"I’ve worn a slip with it ever since." ~ MadameLeota604
"I vote NTA because I would want someone to let me know if my a** was showing through my bottoms while I'm in public." ~ rmully464
"Once, a truck slowed down behind me while I was walking down the street."
"I thought here we go, catcall time, but no, two dudes just yelled, 'Your skirt is stuck in your pants, ' and kept driving."
"Full underwear was visible."
"I hated every second of that interaction, but I preferred that WAY over not knowing."
"I'd bet on the woman in OP's story just being really embarrassed and reacting defensively because of it, but in hindsight being glad she knows now." ~ ImJacksLastBraincell
"NTA, in my opinion."
"So many comments in here assuming she was doing it on purpose have clearly never put on an article of clothing, seeing it in the dim lights of their home, only to realize outside in the DAYLIGHT that something is actually completely see-through."
"If it were me, I’d be flustered but thankful and simply never wear the leggings again after that."
"And if her partner is anything like mine, he’d maybe seen and thought it was on purpose and didn’t say anything, even though I would like to be alerted."
"Some men are just… unobservant."
"Maybe you could have worded a little differently, but I don’t consider this judgmental at all." ~ Sleepy_Salamander
"NTA, I'm always worried my undies are visible through leggings, so I would've totally appreciated it if you let me know."
"That's a girl's girl move if you ask me." ~ purplelemondropp
"It's genuinely person by person, and a lot of it has nothing to do with you."
"If you worded it correctly."
"Said it at a lower volume out of respect and went about your business."
"Then you have nothing to worry about."
"Half the women would be thankful, the other half would be offended."
"I'd still annoy 50 strangers to help 50 others."
"But that's me." ~ dontsteponme44
"NAH, because people are saying that you are, but once I walked for like an hour with my dress being pulled up by my bag."
"I only realised because it got windy and I wanted to make sure my dress didn’t fly, little did I know that I’ve already BEEN flashing everyone who was behind me."
"I was super upset that no one told me."
"You had her best interests in mind."
"I would have thanked you, even if I knew it was showing." ~ breaktherulesdoodle
"NTA. If it was intentional, then she should be way more thick-skinned about people (especially good-intending people) telling her."
"If it was an accident, then I’d want someone to tell me something like that!" ~ notabear87
"NTA. Last week, a lady was wearing leggings at the bus stop."
"She bent down to tie her kids' shoelaces, and her bum, her white thong, and her vulva were in full display, in the sun, for everybody in the block to see."
"I didn't say anything to her, but I imagine she'd be mortified."
"Some of those leggings are see-through, and people dont know it." ~ lagrime_mie
"NTA, that has happened to me twice, and I was grateful each time."
"I also told elegantly dressed women that they had toilet paper hanging out, and they fixed it right away and were not resentful." ~ paintlulus
"NTA, but it was likely to go the way it did. She may have been happy with the look, God knows people wear some terrible stuff and think they look cool."
"If your intention was pure, i.e., genuinely telling her as you would if she had loo paper stuck to her shoe or something, then you have nothing to reproach yourself with." ~ Spare_Necessary_810
"NTA Sorry she was rude to you OP, I would appreciate someone pointing that out to me."
"I see a lot of people commenting, not to mention something that can't be fixed in under 30 seconds."
"Although that is normally my mantra, I believe this could be fixed quickly, the fix could be as simple as a jacket around the waist, going into a shop for pants/dress /long shirt, I carry a larger handbag, so for example I could swing that around to cover myself." ~ IbreeI
"NTA- she was probably embarrassed or didn't care, but at least you said something."
"I get nervous about that stuff too, and a few months back I tapped an older lady to tell another older lady her labia was sticking out of her swimsuit because I was worried about backlash (we were on a boat with at least 20 kids and a bunch of adults)."
"The lady in the swimsuit was grateful, and the lady I told understood why it was better coming from her." ~ WinterBadger
"NTA. I know I would want to know, even if I can't fix that particular issue in 10 seconds. "
"Then in the future, I'd avoid wearing those leggings unless I had a long shirt on."
"Honestly, it's a gamble."
"You can even see in these comments that some very much would appreciate knowing, and others are bothered by it."
"You just have to decide if you're willing to roll the dice again next time you notice something with a stranger." ~ CheezyBri
OP came back to chat...
"I just wanted to be nice, as I would want to know, and I would be thankful if a woman came to me pointing this out."
'She also wore a scarf, so she would’ve been able to 'fix it.'"
You weren't being malicious, OP.
You were trying to help.
There may be a better time and a place for matters such as these. But clearly, never a perfect time.
Try not to take it personally. Reddit is with you.
